Male Nursery Staff

[herei]

My child is in Nursery after my return to work. They nursery chain have been hiring make staff recently. My child's nursery has 3 male staff.

My daughter's nappy was changed by a male member of staff. For my own personal reasons I feel upset about this but not sure if I can even say or do anything. I just don't like it.

Voice your opinion at the nursery and see what they say. If you don’t like what they say then change nursery? They might be able to accommodate your wish and if not move her?

At the end of the day you are her parent and her advocater. If you are not happy do something about it.

no, male staff shouldn't look after male children. as a previous poster has already explained it is the sex of the carer, not the sex of the child that is important

why do you feel that men's career choices is more important than safeguarding young children?

I had a male midwife he was brilliant father of four professional and really kept me calm and reassured. I also had a surgeon student male attend one of my births.

My sons had a couple of men childcare providers they adored them because they were individuals who had to work probably twice as hard because of prejudices displayed here.

My children's father is involved and was the first to hold and feed our sons. I feel sorry to live in a world where you are seeing such poor men.

Whether you like it or not employers can employ both sex working in all roles. So you can move your child but you don't have the right to impact an innocent individuals career.

This.
You can't help your feelings, but it's your issues, nobody else's.
Of course men can look after children, and it's ridiculous and discriminatory to say otherwise.
Take then out of the nursery /school and find another one if men bother you that much.

Women abuse too though and you don't automatically suspect women of being abusers.

sure, but the reason she's given that she thinks he's creepy is that he's a man working in a nursery. From reading her posts, she doesn't even let family members change a nappy.

If she's not happy she should change nursery, not go on an online stalker witch hunt because she has randomly decided she doesn't like him.

FFS! Just move your kid. The nursery isn't going to pander to you.

Here we are posting on ‘Mumsnet’. Is that discriminatory? Are we supporting that discrimination by posting here?

No, because Mumsnet is a site for ALL parents, mums and dads.
Both welcome.

@Crackalac

These figures are for the US but unless you think men in the US are completely different to those in the UK you can see your fears are aimed at the wrong people.

Cases of abuse in childcare are very small compared to domestic settings but they do occur. The vast vast majority of childcare providers are women and the rare cases that do occur are mostly perpetrated by women therefore you are basically going to have to take the view that no childcare setting at all is safe.

Daycare/Child Care in the US:
• FACT: 90% of children who are sexually abused are abused by someone they know.60% of children who are sexually abused are abused by people the family trusts. 30% of children who are sexually abused are abused by family members.1,2
• FACT: 40% of children who are sexually abused are abused by older or more powerful children.1
• FACT: Most children under the age of five receive child care from someone other than a parent. Almost one-quarter (23.4 percent) of children five and under are in some form of organized child care including daycare centers, nurseries, and preschools.3
• FACT: More than 4.1 million reports from CPS agencies were received in 2017 alone.These reports involved more than 7.5 million children. Reports included neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and medical neglect.4
• FACT: In 2017, 2,237 daycare providers were found to be abusing and neglecting children in their care.4
• FACT: Of perpetrators who were child daycare provides, more than 20% committed sexual abuse.5
• FACT: A mandated reporter is any adult professional who works with children; legally responsible for reporting suspected or disclosed abuse. In some states, all adults are considered mandated reporters.

I hardly think telling the tiny minority of men who may want to work with small children that they would be barred from the dubious honour of nappy changing is on a par with centuries of historical exclusion of women from all manner of industry and profession, and the continued gatekeeping of the same.
If male staff were told not to change nappies, it would be ONE (low status, unpleasant and unenviable task) in ONE specific job, leaving the rest of the wide world of work to remain their oyster. Is that really something worthy of tears?

Vanessa George. Enough said.

Completely agree, but you'll get some apologist along in a minute saying she was a poor little victim herself, as a woman she's not capable of this herself, women don't "do" violence
It's and men "made her do it."
Oh and that women as a sex class don't usually sexually assault so it's all OK or some such shit.
Some people's thinking is so messed up (to put it politely)
It's sick

Thanks for not answering the question.

Mumsnet is a brand name and nobody is prevented from using it.

So it's equal for certain groups to have access and privileges that others do not, on the basis that they are "typically oppressed"?

Three clarifications please:

1. How long does said oppression last before it no longer counts?
2. Is it unfair to expect the indigenous population be dominant in their own society?
3. Where is the tipping point? How much demonstrated risk (imagine a ridiculously high overrepresentation in sex crimes for instance) would be necessary to outweigh the "oppression" before you were allowed to discriminate?

You either trust the nursery, or you don't. Plenty of people having given their opinions and other perspectives on here but you dont want to hear it or listen to anyone. You are convinced this male worker is a predator, so just move the child to another provision !

Presumably you’re happy for unknown women to touch her genitals at nursery?

You are teaching your child to be nervous of men.

What nonsense. I certainly have never heard of read anyone anywhere - and certainly not on MN - defending or excusing Vanessa George, or regarding her as anything other than the utter piece of shit she is. I doubt you have either.

But the reason her name is (still) so well known is because of how unusual and shocking the case was: 1. because it was a nursery, where young children should be safe 2. because George was a woman. Male paedophiles are less famous because there are so many more of them.
To recall one woman who has been convicted of, for example, rape, mugging, murder, CSA etc. does not go to show that men and women are equally capable or likely to commit these crimes; men are still overwhelmingly more likely to be the perpetrators.

What nonsense. I certainly have never heard of read anyoneanywhere - and certainly not on MN - defending or excusing Vanessa George, or regarding her as anything other than the utter piece of shit she is. I doubt you have either.

You've never seen anyone on here paint women as just victims of men when they are convicted of abuse, and that "women as a sex class don't usually rape or assault, it's the men that do so they're a danger to be wary of"?
Ok, I'll take your word for it but I certainly have.

@StormingNorman

Presumably you’re happy for unknown women to touch her genitals at nursery?

You are teaching your child to be nervous of men.

Really, how daft is this!

Why is it daft?
It is teaching your child to be nervous of men if you won't let your child be looked after in a nursery /school setting by them just because of that - that they're men.

You've seen someone defend Vanessa George? Really?
If so then I'm sure the person who did so must have been roundly called out for it.

There is no need to berate OP on her anxious thoughts. OP, I know the majority of people here will tell you that it is great, gender equality, etc etc, but the truth is that if it doesn't make you feel comfortable, just change nurseries. Problem solved. Only you can make up your mind in your own boundaries, and you don't have to justify yourself to anyone. You will never feel happy with this nursery and you need to take care of your own mental health in this transition period of return to work, it can be overwhelming leaving your child in the care of someone else.

It's a perfectly valid question, being female does not make them all perfect.

Some men do horrible things, as do some women and unfortunately they don't always advertise themselves by "looking a bit creepy".

In childcare environments, there are measures in place to make abuse less likely and remove opportunity and protect staff from unfounded accusations (including you complaining about this staffmember because you don't like his facebook profile). Eg in many educational environments solid doors have been replaced with ones with large windows to keep everyone visible.

My experience of nursery was that nappy changes took place in a room that had very frequent footfall through it. When I took my child in to go to the toilet before taking him home there would often be a member of staff changing one of the little ones at a change table, and other bigger kids coming in and out to use the cubicles with other members of staff either present or popping a head round the door frequently to check if anyone needed help with bum wiping. So while the member of staff changing the baby would have put their name down as the person who did it, there would be others there and very little opportunity for anything untoward to go on.

Perhaps you should ask to be shown where the nappy changes take place and ask for confirmation of safeguarding arrangements to prevent abuse taking place? I think given normal levels of staff turnover and your wish to only have people you have assessed as OK change your childs nappy you are unlikely to find a nursery that you remain happy with throughout your child's time there.

Feeling uncomfortable is perfectly understandable. Stalking him on social media is bizarre behaviour. Move your child. You don’t trust the. It’s a no brainer. If I was worried enough to stalk this man, I’d never be returning my child there. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Name checking one of the comparatively tiny number of women abusers is entirely pointless. Because if it comes to a straight choice between a strange man performing intimate care for your baby or a strange woman, few mothers, or indeed fathers, (who are often even more concerned about this) are going to opt for the man.
It doesn't matter how loud people shout about it not being fair to the tiny number of men who work in childcare, or how much people try to gaslight us into believing men and women pose equal risk of sexual abuse, most people will not be buying it for a second. We know the stats.
If men want to be trusted with intimate care of strange children, there's a lot of work to be done in building that trust. Whinging on MN about discrimination and pretending there's no difference between the sexes isn't the way.
Parents need to be reassured about checks, supervision and safeguarding practises. Men need to accept that due to the actions of some of them, trust needs to be earned by individual men, and is not always going to he the default.