Male Nursery Staff

[herei]

My child is in Nursery after my return to work. They nursery chain have been hiring make staff recently. My child's nursery has 3 male staff.

My daughter's nappy was changed by a male member of staff. For my own personal reasons I feel upset about this but not sure if I can even say or do anything. I just don't like it.

I wondered how long that would take....

Of course it's a problem but they are not going to be able to abuse the baby as parents always with them. And also the mother's are the main patients

For me it's more about not having loads of different members of staff taking it in turns changing my child's nappy when I don't know them very well. A childminder is more of a personal relationship for the parent and the child and of course you'd have to trust them.
The thought of seeing someone's name down for a nappy change for your child when you don't know the person is weird for me. But I understand I'm privileged that I didn't need nursery when mine was a tiny baby.

To be honest a lot of people here seem to be demonstrating they don't really understand safeguarding.

Those gleefully citing the fact that most abuse happens in the home, perhaps need to address why that is. Is it because men who are child abusers never leave the house, or turn into upstanding citizens when leaving the house or prefer to abuse relatives, or is it because due to safeguarding measures those men find it harder to access children to abuse.

Currently the mostly female nature of eyfs and Primary education works as a safeguarding measure in itself. It means statistically a young child is less likely to come into contact with an abuser. If nursery workers were 50/50 you'd see a huge spike is assaults. There is data to support this. There is no data for any of the race based gotchas being used. Safeguarding is not a personal insult to your man. It's a process to minimise risk.

It’s very unfair for you to just assume this man could be a risk with no evidence whatsoever. Many women enjoy careers with babies because they find it rewarding to take care of them. Why should it be different for men? Changing nappies is only a relatively small part of their day and not the rewarding reason people go into that career.

I would hope the nursery has strict safeguarding policies in place for all staff delivering intimate care, regardless of their gender. It only takes one rumour to destroy someone’s career.

Also it’s interesting that you say your daughter’s too young to be aware of male role models but old enough to feel uncomfortable that a male is changing her nappy. She would only feel uncomfortable if something was wrong and you have no evidence of that.

I think you should find a new nursery if it upsets you that much but be aware that other nurseries may hire males and you may need to change again. Maybe a childminder would be better.

I'm sorry you don't feel you can be safe around 50% of the population. My son was attacked on a night out, I know more males who have had attacks than women

Yes, and they're being attacked by OTHER MEN. It's the sex of the attacker here that's the issue, not the sex of the victim!

OP, you have a poor understanding of the statistics around sexual abuse. You also don’t understand the difference between relational and actuarial risk. I feel sorry for your family and your children.

how do you clean the poo off and out, without touching ??

I actually don't care if some poor innocent men, feel unable to follow their dreams of working with small babies because of the stigma. it's a small price to pay, to keep the babies safe from abuse

@CoatRack

I think it depends.

Here we are posting on ‘Mumsnet’. Is that discriminatory? Are we supporting that discrimination by posting here?

A forum called ‘Whitesnet’ would be wrong.

Music of Black Origin award is acceptable.
Music of white origin award would be unacceptable.

I think it’s do with the typically oppressed v’s those who have been dominant in society. And to make sure - especially - that the typically oppressed group have space, safety, equality.

If there was no female/male discrimination in the Olympics, men would dominate and women would have no glory.

@Treelichen I know I'm such a terrible parent for wanting to safeguarding my child instead of the posters who would happily allow unknown men to access their child's genitals. What a world we are living in,

The only way of 100% ensuring no abuse will take place is to take care of the child yourself at all times. That’s not feasible. Maybe the focus needs to be on rigorous safeguarding. And by that I don’t mean background checks. I mean ensuring that no member of staff is ever left alone with a child. That way the “poor innocent men” can do whatever job they like without putting anyone at risk.

You’ve not understood what I have said. Your decision making is flawed as it is based on fear and not rationality and you haven’t got a clue about the underlying stats. You will likely be a risk averse parent who denies their children grow opportunities as you focus on reducing your own anxiety to the detriment of their growth but crack on.

yes it would be great if society was set up so we could look after our own children, wouldn't it. however, whilst that isn't the case, an easy way to reduce the risk by 95% is to not allow males to work in nurseries/childcare. that IS safeguarding. it's easy and effective

why is it more important to you that men 'do what ever job they like', than reducing the risk of babies being abused?

so you don't like the way he looks so you stalked him on facebook and linked in?
Maybe you should follow him home so you can check out his living arrangements too. If you lurk outside when it's dark he might not close his curtains properly either so you can see in to get more proof of how weird and creepy he is.

Hopefully he won't see you though because you doing your due dilligence might make you look like a creepy weirdo when he's the creepy one. Maybe you should just change nursery to one where you like the way the staff look instead.

all staff are unknown until you meet them, not just at nursery. there's no need to be sarcastic, if you don't like the male staff at the nursery changing a nappy then just speak to the manager and sort something out but there may be times when your child is looked after by a male member of staff and they need changing nappy or clothes if they're sick, if it means waiting for a female or another member of staff to be available then so what, that's what will happen so it's entirely up to you what you want to happen. i am pretty certain no member of staff will beg you to change a dirty nappy.

I really simple measure to avoid having young children sitting around in urine and vomit soaked clothing, whilst they wait for a female member of staff is to only employ female staff in the first place, isn't it

if you have a concern about a member of staff you talk to the manager, not stalk them or gossip with another member of staff, that's really unkind and if I were the manager I would probably suggest you find a different nursery.

it's really important to listen to your intuition as regards to 'creepy men's. I thought women knew this already?

so men cannot ever work with young children then even if it's what they really want to do, are very good at it and are looking for a career in child care. wow. so could male staff look after boy children then, is that okay, segregate boy and girl nurseries.

For our own intimate care, it would be reasonable (and legal) to request a member of the same sex or a same sex chaperone. Same should apply to our children. You can say you want her to receive same sex intimate care or at least have a female chaperone. It’s safeguarding and also protects the male member of staff. Males commit majority of sexual offences and that’s why safeguards are put in place. Can’t be nice to be assumed to be something you’re not but safeguarding women and children trumps men’s feelings.

just put it in writing that you want same sex intimate care for your daughter.. not sure how it would be for male child but you could reasonably request that you wanted a chaperone for him too and for that person to sign their name too.

hold on hold on. she hasn't 'stalked' him at all. she has looked him up on social media. which is very normal these days. employers do it for job applicants (or maybe not in this case). it's information about themselves that THEY have put in the public domain

I'm interested OP what in his SM makes you think the nursery shouldn't have employed him?

At no point have I said that it’s more important. I just think it’s a dangerous mindset to immediately believe the worst about everyone. Should we condemn all police officers for the minority that abuse their power? Should we condemn all teachers for the minority that abuse children?
My point is the focus should be on the systems in place to prevent rather than excluding people ‘just in case’ they turn out to be one of the bad ones.

Show them this article https://safeschoolsallianceuk.net/2019/09/21/parents-uncomfortable-with-male-practitioners-changing-their-childs-nappy/