Male Nursery Staff

[herei]

My child is in Nursery after my return to work. They nursery chain have been hiring make staff recently. My child's nursery has 3 male staff.

My daughter's nappy was changed by a male member of staff. For my own personal reasons I feel upset about this but not sure if I can even say or do anything. I just don't like it.

I work in early childhood and the men we have working at our service, amazing hands down. I wish we could get more, but so many are scared to follow their passion because of the stigma that comes with it.

because 95% of paedophiles are men. you VERY significantly reduce the risk, by excluding men from working with children

This only proves that the person hasn't been prosecuted /there's no soft Intel on a person...

It does not mean that the person is safe...

Sadly it's the best we have currently..

This is both lovely and sad.

That’s the point though. Most women ARE victims of male behaviour in some form. I think you’d be hard pressed to find a woman who hasn’t experienced some form of problematic sexual behaviour from a man in their lifetime ranging from street harassment to rape.

I don’t think it’s ‘wrong’ for some women to assume all men are predatory until proven otherwise. It’s sad, but it’s not something women just need to get over. It’s up to men, as a collective to stop making us feel that way.

Yeah, i've been in the industry for many years now so have seen and heard it all.
In some centres I have worked in, placement students have more freedom then male educators.

Really are men scared to follow their dreams of being a nursery assistant because of stigma. Oh come on the majority of men seem to do the bare minimum when it comes to their children yet your putting these men on pedestals who want to work in childcare I'm not buying it. I'm not talking about teachers or doctors, I'm taking about men to specifically want to work with vulnerable nonverbal baby's.

• Here's a question for you is it discriminatory to ask for a female doctor or gyno because I bet a lot of you saying equally etc would ask for a female for intimate checks.

• Here's another question let's get more males in for smear tests, let's train health care assistants who are male to do this role. Would you be ok with this. Or because it's low skill it carry's more risk of concerning males doing the job.

So why should I not be my child's voice and advocate for female care for her nappy changing only. When so many adult won't want the same thing for themselves. As I said before why should my child feel comfortable with a stranger make changing where nappy, is she learning that it's ok for random men to touch her there. Why do we teach children all these self protection measures then say oh just have to accept this because you may offend the men?? Going backwards I feel.

I think until we stop hearing statistics like 1 in 6 children experiencing abuse, and that 90% of these crimes committed against children are male perpetrators - people will - unfortunately have reservations.

What do you do when you hear statistics like that?
Is it a fact that men are far more likely to abuse children? Or a discriminatory statement/something that we should ignore?

In reference to choice over male/female doctors:

“Avoidance of male providers is not discrimination; it is a matter of self-defense rooted in a very real problem of sexual and physical violence that is often perpetrated by men who have historically escaped culpability for their destructive actions. It is a matter of patient safety, which should always be our first priority.”

I for one have no problem and have had male medical staff involved in treating my intimate care.

I don’t know how you change nappies but no touching down there went on when I changed nappies.🤔 It’s also not random men or a stranger it is her trained key worker. You are putting your prejudices and anxieties onto a child, they are yours not hers and it’s not ok.

@burnttoad

But I’ve experienced a male gynaecologist giving me an unnecessary examination - without gloves, when I was in my twenties. Should I just see that as ‘bad luck’, and not have a right to request a female gynaecologist in the future?

But it's okay to teach your child a random woman can touch her there? As that's what you're saying you're effectively doing.
Your argument is flawed, I'm expecting to see this thread on the daily fail later on today.

And I'm sure you're very virtuous and good for believing that.

However, since it's sensible to discriminate against those whose characteristics are overrepresented in the thing you're trying to avoid, you should look at the crime stats (sexual and otherwise) by ethnicity and then consider your position.

But I suspect you won't, because then you would no longer be virtuous.

@CoatRack

Is it discriminatory to separate males/females in sports/Olympics? Or toilets or changing rooms - taking into account that it WOULD be discriminatory if you did that for race/ethnicity?

It is an interesting point that you are making!

You've missed my point. 95% of paedophiles who are caught are men. There's a big difference. How do you know for certain that lots of female paedophiles don't just slip under the radar and avoid getting caught because people like you, blindly decide that women are safe and men aren't?

You can't.

I do think it’s discriminatory to ask for female doctors and I would be comfortable with a male nurse doing a smear test.

Your shame/embarrassment is making someone’s career choice somehow perverted or disgusting.

Gently, you need to speak to a therapist about why you are so upset by a man changing your daughter’s nappy. You aren’t protecting her, you are teaching her to be afraid of men.

But what percentage of men are paedophiles?

@StormingNorman

“What happens if I ask to be seen/treated by a female doctor only?
Any O&G department will do their best to provide a woman doctor for you if you state a preference, and it helps if you ask in advance and ensure your request is included with the referral letter from your general practitioner. If it’s not possible, and the situation isn’t urgent, it may be possible to arrange a further appointment at a time when a female doctor is available for you.”

Based on a past experience I had with a male gynaecologist - I feel I should have the right to request a female doctor.

@StormingNorman it sounds like you have lived a very lucky life not to experience SA/DV or any negative experience from men. Personally I think men have a lot of work to do themselves to change the narrative.

Asking the poster to go to therapy is victim blaming. I think most intelligent people know most men aren't sexual abusers, however if women do have concerns/worries for whatever reason I don't think these should be dismissed.

I'd suggest that you consider whether you trust the setting. Do they take safeguarding seriously? Are processes etc adhered to, staff are well trained etc? If so, then what's the problem? If not, then why are you not removing your dc?

Genuine question op, would you feel the same way about a man changing your child's nappy if you had a little boy? Because men are not necessarily safer for little boys.

I do actually really feel for you having to go back to work and dealing with the thought of strangers changing your child's nappy but it's not a man changing a little girl that would be the issue for me. I never had strangers changing my children and think I would have been more comfortable with a childminder setting at the baby stage. Nursery for when they're walking talking and potty trained.

Most children are not abused fewer sexually that risk needs to be put in perspective.
I'm sorry you don't feel you can be safe around 50% of the population. My son was attacked on a night out, I know more males who have had attacks than women, we all have to risk assess all the time male or female the street are not safe full stop.....but nursery is not the street and home for a child is far more dangerous so maybe all children should be taken away from it by your logic?

From a safeguarding point of view, wouldn't a nursery be safer than a childminder or nanny? While childminders and nannies you have more control over who is with your child... they also have less daily oversight. For example, the policy of having two members of staff in the room during nappy changes.

Ultimately, childcare comes down to trust. You need to trust who has your child... be that relative, nursery, or childminder, male or female.

Of course it's discriminatory, but we allow it.

Hypothetical where you have the ability to dictate usage of changing rooms:

1. A woman says she wants female changing rooms because she doesn't feel safe around me, because men commit proportionally more sex crimes. Presents crime stats confirming this

How do you react? Why?

1. A woman says she wants white female changing rooms because she doesn't feel safe around men of [insert race/religion/culture] because they commit proportionally more sex crimes. Presents crime stats confirming this

How do you react? Why?

Ok I'm going to ask all the men haters at what point do you start hating them....
Do you look at your new born and think oh no I've given birth to a monster? Is it in the womb? Is a 5 year old a risk not to be played with? Is it 11, 15, 16 when do you think they are suddenly monsters?
Do you feel the mothers have been downtrodden and had no influence?
If you're attacked by a different ethnic race are they all suddenly dangerous?
Do you trust your female paediatric nurse?
Is it bad relationships with mothers so a mother's fault?
What exactly do you think?