Male Nursery Staff

[herei]

My child is in Nursery after my return to work. They nursery chain have been hiring make staff recently. My child's nursery has 3 male staff.

My daughter's nappy was changed by a male member of staff. For my own personal reasons I feel upset about this but not sure if I can even say or do anything. I just don't like it.

Against my better judgment I can understand the fear. It's your most precious child. But you have to remember when you think about the man changing your child's nappy, it's also pretty uncomfortable to think of any random person of any sex touching their genitals. If you can't rationalise this, you need to look after your child single handedly until your child is totally toilet trained. No nursery will say that they will never employ men. And remember this fear will never leave you - my daughter is learning to drive and every time she gets in the car with a man I have never met before I feel it but I know i can't wrap her up entirely forever. Sorry you feel this fear OP.

@CoatRack

Because you can request a female doctor, female nurse, can choose between male/female dressing rooms - and it’s not really considered discrimination? - or do you think we should not have that choice in society and it IS discrimination?

So is the issue here with the fact he's a man or because he's creepy? If you'd be happy with the other man to change nappies to this thread has just been completely derailed.

Why can't the OP decide she doesn't want a man changing her daughter's nappy? She should have that right! She pays for the nursery and she can request this.

Legally, she can't though. She either needs to find alternative provision with no male staff or allow it to happen.

Also, remember on Mumsnet there are a crazy amount of disgruntled men who come on here to defend men when they don't need defending! Most mothers would understand where the OP is coming from.

And the DfE ruled in 2019 that such a parental request should not be accommodated.

@BodyKeepingScore now that is insanity! What if a child has been SA by a man, you're not allowed to request that you want a female member of staff to change their nappy!

That is the definition of discrimination.

The difference is that you're presumably in favour of one and against the other, yet the logic is the same.

No you can't.

Oh, here we go
Must be a man or not a mum if you don't agree.
Didn't take long

There will always be paedos who seek out work with children.

It doesn't really matter whether they are male or female (and I'd hazard a guess that there are plenty of female paedos, but they are probably better at hiding it and under less scrutiny in the first place so it is easier to hide).

If you are not happy with the way your kids nursery is run with regard to personal care - don't send your child there.

If you are not happy about the risk that any nursery you send your child to may get sloppy with safe guarding protocols or hire a male worker...

Don't send your kid to nursery at all.

Thats it, that is all you can do - you cannot insist that YOUR kid isn't changed by a worker of the opposite sex, nor can you insist your child is left sitting their own shit and piss because you perceive the risk of the nursery having employed a paedo to be too high, because that would be to subject your child to actual harm in order to avoid hypothetical harm.

@Desecratedcoconut I suggest you learn some manners. There is a talk guidelines you find helpful as you seem unable to converse within them.

Your child is lucky though, as not everyone has that - as in two positive male role models in their life.
Mine do, and I did as well, but surely you can see that not everyone has that?
So no nursery and school aren't responsible for providing role models but it's good for others to have them if they don't have them at all at home.

@CoatRack your analogy only holds if you believe that black men commit child sexual abuse at higher rates than white men. I do not believe this is true. THAT is the perfectly sensible reason for discriminating against men in favour of women looking after non verbal children.

Accusing someone of “discrimination” is not some kind of argument ending ‘gotcha’. We are all pro some forms of discrimination - I assume nobody would be happy to have a blind surgeon operating on them? That’s disablist, but also totally justifiable and sensible.

@GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight why are you so angry? We're all allowed are opinions and experiences! On this forum I have witnessed many, many men infiltrate groups of DV, divorce, custody! They usually fiercely defend men without a rational argument. If we're being honest women have a reason to be suspicious and cautious of men! Whether that's in a nursery setting, walking home late a night after work etc!! I will not let a rational worry of the OP be disregarded because it is 'discriminatory'! Check out the statistics regarding male violence against women and children in this country!!! No it is not all men, but given it's a hell of a lot of men she has a right to be cautious!

Not wanting someone who is blind to operate on you as you say is sensible.
A more accurate comparison if we're going down the disablist route would be something like not wanting someone to look after your kids if they were autistic, or missing a limb.
Would be completely unacceptable to discriminate against as they would likely be more than capable of looking after your child and great at their job.
Not wanting a man to look after your kids as you immediately have him down as a paedo just because of the fact he's a man is discrimination.
Not acceptable either.

A paedophile abusing my DD would be every bit as bad as a blind surgeon, IMO. We weren’t debating that though, we were discussing whether discrimination is ever ok. Clearly we both agree that it is in some cases. I believe this to be one of them, you don’t.

Sorry, but am confused now, where on earth are you getting that I'm angry from?
I'm honestly not, as you say we all have different opinions and I'm just expressing mine.
It's always the same on these type of discriminatory threads - get some saying can't be a woman or a mum, and when that doesn't work people wheel out the "angry" trope.
Why is it anger to hear a different view?
Bizarre

you can request, but very likely won't get.

A paedophile abusing my DD would be every bit as bad as a blind surgeon, IMO

I'm agreeing with you there.

We seem to disagree though that men shouldn't be in caring roles as the fact that they're men means they should be kept away from and not be around kids. I don't agree with that viewpoint at all.

If you've reached the stage where you are stalking nursery staff in their social media I think it's time to find alternative childcare,

No you can’t do anything because discrimination isn’t ok, nor is assuming all males are paedophiles. Also the government is quite rightly trying to up the numbers of male early years staff because the numbers are way too low.

Who cares if they are low why is that a problem.