Male Nursery Staff

[herei]

My child is in Nursery after my return to work. They nursery chain have been hiring make staff recently. My child's nursery has 3 male staff.

My daughter's nappy was changed by a male member of staff. For my own personal reasons I feel upset about this but not sure if I can even say or do anything. I just don't like it.

No I trust my husband and have taken steps so I know the risk from female strangers is minimised.

As I said. The risk is not zero. I am happy I have lowered the risk to make it unlikely.

And honestly, crbs means nothing. No I wouldn't trust a crb to catch the wrong uns.

I don't feel the need to fawn over men who work with children though. When women do it, it's just a job so I'm not going to be sad if men are not worshipped for it.

This is a lot like that rule about misogyny...the worst thing about misogyny is that it makes other men look bad? It seems male sexual violence seems to follow the pattern

@Marblessolveeverything

I do understand what you are saying, but until there is equality or ideally - complete eradication - of these types of crimes being committed against children, there will be - very sadly - these reservations.

It’s statistically - and overwhelmingly - men who commit these type of crimes.

We have a male member of staff at nursery and the children LOVE it!!! We're in a very derives area and so many of our children have never seen a man read a book. It's really important for so many of them.

nappy changes in nurseries are not performed in private, and a nappy changing log is kept.

@DeepRegret my parents knew my uncle for "years and years" didn't stop him from abusing me...

YABVU
Has he done anything to make you wary, or is it just the fact he's a man you don't like?
It sounds the latter so YABVU if so
It's backwards, regressive stereotypical attitudes like this that keep women in the kitchen doing the cooking, cleaning and caring roles, whereas the men are to do the "big man," work instead of being perfectly capable of being caring for children too.

Yes I realise that. That's why I have minimised the risk as much as practically possible.

I realise the risk is not zero. It's significantly lower than someone who has multiple males providing intimate care.

@GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight

Do you think women should/shouldn’t have the right to choose a female doctor? Is it regressive to give that choice?

You can't request this. Maybe you should look at childminders instead? We use a cm and she is brilliant, her staff are her adult daughters, she has a good number of children there and they don't go out. She has set up a mini family run nursery style care in her house, she's great.

Unfortunately though, you accept risk when you leave your children with anyone, look at the recent case of the woman who killed the little baby by strapping her face down on a bean bag. No one is 100% safe, statistically your dh is more likely to abuse your daughter than a nursery worker. It's a really scary shit world sometimes.

I think the DfE ruled several years ago that nurseries should not accede to parental requests that only females should change nappies in nursery settings.

@Desecratedcoconut and so my feelings are not valid? I think you will find they are. How dare you try to belittle someone for their feelings.

There is another male who I've spoken to in the nursery and actually I don't seem to have an issue with him. But the one who actually changed her nappy gives creepy vibes. I've seen him walking around, I've found him on social media and I don't understand how he ended up in childcare looking at his linked in. He looks creepy honestly

As long as you accept your misandry for what it is, you can think whatever you like.

Men caring for and looking after children is strange?
Why?

She is probably the person who when her husband spends 10 minutes away from the kids goes on mumsnet and calls him lazy and ignorant.

Oh, I do it all the time. Especially when emotional incontinence looks like emotional blackmail.

@ilovesooty

Interesting. Say if a 6 year old child requested that they didn’t want a male teacher giving them intimate help. That would be accepted and allowed surely?

Why should parent not be able to make that choice for a 3 or 4 year old?

I'm just stating the facts as I believe them to be.

What if a white 6 year old said they didn't want a black teacher giving them intimate help?
Would that be accepted and allowed?

Having researched him on social media and deciding he's "creepy" seems insufficient grounds for making your proposed request to the nursery.

Exactly, it's prejudice and discrimination pure and simple.
Of course it's not being compared to racism, but it's just pointing out that it's another form of prejudice.
It's wrong.

@ilovesooty true

@CoatRack really!! Not the same

Is it not? How so?

Seems pretty similar to me.

I bet all these posters saying it's not right for a (crb checked) male staff member to change nappies because so many men are criminals, are the exact same people who criticise women for taking thier sons into ladies toilets to protect them from peadophiles. But of course when that happens sexual abuse from men is apparently rare and little boys are "invading women's spaces"

Op you can ask about how the nursery ensure that your daughter will be safe during nappy changes and also ask how many different people will potentially be changing her nappy. I don't think you can request a male doesn't change her but you can ask questions about how they safeguard children.

No I won't take my boy into women's spaces over eight. I will stand outside and be within calling distance or get his dad to go with him.