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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cut my ties with this person

123 replies

ThatPeachSnake · 24/04/2024 12:50

happened last year but still not over it.

I organised a hen party for a friend. I was ‘chief bridesmaid’, if you will.

first of all, she gave me a list of 30 people she wanted there and demanded it be abroad. She wanted no part in it and it all to be a surprise. I started a group chat and threw our dates and potential locations. About 15 people came back and said they couldn’t spend the money or take the time off work. So went back to bride to ask her if she would consider a weekend in the U.K., closer to home so that more people could attend. They are her friends after all, so I assumed she’d want them all there and it would be more important than the location. My head was bitten off and she was so nasty to me about me even suggesting a cottage rental in the countryside.

group dropped down to 15 people. I had to organise the entire trip - flights, accommodation, activities and meals all by myself. I can hand on heart say it was one of the most stressful and expensive experiences.

when we finally got to the hen party, she just didn’t seem happy. I had chosen a city location in Spain as the destination, but she’d been suggesting places like DUBAI, NYC and even the Maldives at one point 😂! She seemed almost disappointed that we were in Spain and not somewhere more ‘glamorous’.

by the second night there, it all kicked off. She made a scene proclaiming that ‘no one is thinking about the bride’. I was in absolute shock. We had all paid 100’s to be there with her and we’re staying in a gorgeous villa. We had nice ‘hen’ decorations, food and booze. We paid for her nights out. Everyone was having a wonderful time, bar her.

She didn’t speak to any one for the remainder of the trip and kept telling me how upset she was and how she wanted to go home. She looked into booking earlier flights so she could leave.

I was so shocked and embarrassed. I felt like I’d done a terrible job. I went to the wedding and decided I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. The issue is, bar this one episode, she’s been an incredible friend to me. I haven’t spoken to her in a couple of months and I miss her. But the way she treated me over her wedding (there are other things too, but I will spare details!) was just horrific.

AIBU or should I give her another chance?

OP posts:
foodtoorder · 24/04/2024 12:53

She hasn't seen fit to contact you in the last few months?

Ditch the bitch and don't give your mind any more of its time.

Rocknrolla21 · 24/04/2024 12:54

I couldn’t get over that op. I don’t even know you, and I feel awful for you about how she made you feel after you made so much effort. She sounds like an absolute wanker, and while you think this may be a one off, I’m very willing to bet she’s shown this side of her before, just not on this big a scale. Did you ever get an explanation or apology out of her? Is she still trying to contact you or wondering why you haven’t spoken to her since the wedding?

ProcrastinationCentral · 24/04/2024 12:55

I think I'd need to ask her what prompted her behavior. And then decide if I could continue the friendship based on her response and how it made me feel (for example if she was reacting that way due to pre wedding stress I'd be more inclined to feel okay than if she stands by being entitled to have behaved in that way).
Ultimately its down to if you miss her enough to try again or if you don't want to run the risk of being treated in that fashion again.

ImNotThereAmI · 24/04/2024 12:57

I don’t think I would have been her bridesmaid after that

Globetrote · 24/04/2024 12:58

What dreadful, arrogant behaviour. What did the rest of her friends think of her on the trip? I’d ask her about it all and be prepared to walk away from the friendship, but then I would have done when she was nasty to you over booking a UK place instead.

Original poster
ThatPeachSnake · 24/04/2024 13:00

I wish I had bowed out after the whole U.K. suggestion fiasco. But in all honesty, I was scared of her…

it was a dreadful time. Embarrassingly for me, I had a up my anxiety medication because of it all.

OP posts:
Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 24/04/2024 13:01

It sounds like you initiated the no contact for a few months, is this right? If she has been trying to get in touch I think it would do you both good to meet for coffee and have a chat. She owes you a big explanation, although I'm not sure anything justifies that behaviour! If it were me I'd hear her out then decide what way to proceed. Even if you decide to cut her out it might help you get over your anger towards her.

Original poster
ThatPeachSnake · 24/04/2024 13:02

I initiated no contact. She’s not been trying to get hold of me.

she fell out with many of the other friends on the hen party too.

OP posts:
Uricon2 · 24/04/2024 13:02

Friends are not people you're scared of. What has contact been like since the wedding, if it was last year and you haven't spoken for a couple of months?

I'd have been out, fully, at a much earlier stage.

Checkandbalenance · 24/04/2024 13:02

Until you get to the bottom of what the hell went on in her brain regarding that episode, there’s no movement forward. It could be (being generous) that she was just massively stressed and nothing was ever going to be right and she acted like a dick. Or alternatively she might actually BE a massive dick and has hidden it well for ages. Only having it out with her will decide, I think.

meganorks · 24/04/2024 13:03

I wouldn't even consider remaining friends with her unless she came to me with an absolute grovelling apology (which to be fair should have already happened if this was months ago!). Along the lines of 'I'm so sorry I went full Bridezilla and completely lost my head over the hen do. I did appreciate you organising it.'
I bet a lot of the people who dropped out before it happened did so because they knew what she would be like. And a lot of the ones who did come have already ditched her.

Does she have any previous for this kind of shit? Ie going mad for her birthday and getting annoyed if she doesn't have enough presents/attention/attendees. It sounds like she wanted some lavish, flashy hen do she could splash all over social media and Spain wasn't the one (the Maldives FFS?!)

Thorfire · 24/04/2024 13:05

Honestly you’ll feel much better once you’ve cut her out. I’ve done this with a friend who behaved so badly and it was a relief.
I know it’s a stress cutting someone off but when you actually do it it’s the best feeling

Uricon2 · 24/04/2024 13:06

This demonstrates the perils of exchanging dinner and a nightclub as a hen do for the full Kardashian/Ecclestone wannabe experience. Some people seem to think it is their right (as long as someone else is organising, paying, etc)

Misthios · 24/04/2024 13:06

Keep being friends with the other nice women who were on the receiving end of the tantrums and rudeness. They sound a much better bet for friendship. Nobody needs this sort of unhinged person in their lives.

SinnerBoy · 24/04/2024 13:07

She sounds like a complete arse, especially as she's fallen out with everybody else. I think you should really write this friendship off and chalk it down to experience, even though it saddens you.

Original poster
ThatPeachSnake · 24/04/2024 13:08

thanks for your replies all - I have to go back to work now but will catch up reading them properly once I am able to!

OP posts:
easilydistracted1 · 24/04/2024 13:09

I've voted YABU because although it's your choice I saw your update that you are scared of her and her behaviour affected your mental health quite badly. So although YABUs not the phrase I'd use it doesn't seem a good idea especially as she doesn't care enough to repair things. How was she at the wedding?

Redherringgull · 24/04/2024 13:11

Wow, what a peach.

I'd bow out of any sort of friendship after that fiasco.

Sparklesocks · 24/04/2024 13:12

she sounds like a proper madam. Anyone who would be so rude to their friends who paid to be abroad for their hen do and have a childish strop is revealing their true colours. She also sounds embarrassingly out of touch if she thinks a hen do in Dubai/NY is doable for most people. She’s deadweight and you’re better off.

Flin · 24/04/2024 13:12

You're better off without her in your life I'm sure. What a self centred henzilla!

FortofPud · 24/04/2024 13:15

She was sulking because the (probably tv inspired) hen party she imagined inside her head didn't magically materialise with no planning and input from her.

She clearly doesn't have the insight to realise that only an absolute cow-bag would take that out on the people who went above and beyond to try and make it special for her.

I wouldn't give her another chance without a very honest conversation first and lots of contrition from her. That seems unlikely to happen and I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for it. Either approach her (wirj low expectations) or walk away completely would be my advice.

BlueBlahBlah · 24/04/2024 13:17

She sounds a delight 😐

DrJoanAllenby · 24/04/2024 13:20

She's a low rent, common as muck piece of work.

On the holiday you should all have rounded on her and tied her to a lamppost with a banner -

'Ungrateful bitch, please egg me!'
'¡Perra ingrata! ¡Por favor invítame!'

Why on earth were you frightened of her?

No way would I have been her bridesmaid after that!

Anyway you were and now you've seen sense and dumped her. Forget she ever existed and if she crosses your oath in the future, blank her.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 24/04/2024 13:24

No way would i have gone to the wedding let alone been chief bm

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 24/04/2024 13:25

I'm surprised you went to the wedding! Did she behaved herself? Also I agree with a PP that there must have been hints to her real personality previously, what a shame either way though Flowers