To cut my ties with this person

[ThatPeachSnake]

happened last year but still not over it.

I organised a hen party for a friend. I was ‘chief bridesmaid’, if you will.

first of all, she gave me a list of 30 people she wanted there and demanded it be abroad. She wanted no part in it and it all to be a surprise. I started a group chat and threw our dates and potential locations. About 15 people came back and said they couldn’t spend the money or take the time off work. So went back to bride to ask her if she would consider a weekend in the U.K., closer to home so that more people could attend. They are her friends after all, so I assumed she’d want them all there and it would be more important than the location. My head was bitten off and she was so nasty to me about me even suggesting a cottage rental in the countryside.

group dropped down to 15 people. I had to organise the entire trip - flights, accommodation, activities and meals all by myself. I can hand on heart say it was one of the most stressful and expensive experiences.

when we finally got to the hen party, she just didn’t seem happy. I had chosen a city location in Spain as the destination, but she’d been suggesting places like DUBAI, NYC and even the Maldives at one point 😂! She seemed almost disappointed that we were in Spain and not somewhere more ‘glamorous’.

by the second night there, it all kicked off. She made a scene proclaiming that ‘no one is thinking about the bride’. I was in absolute shock. We had all paid 100’s to be there with her and we’re staying in a gorgeous villa. We had nice ‘hen’ decorations, food and booze. We paid for her nights out. Everyone was having a wonderful time, bar her.

She didn’t speak to any one for the remainder of the trip and kept telling me how upset she was and how she wanted to go home. She looked into booking earlier flights so she could leave.

I was so shocked and embarrassed. I felt like I’d done a terrible job. I went to the wedding and decided I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. The issue is, bar this one episode, she’s been an incredible friend to me. I haven’t spoken to her in a couple of months and I miss her. But the way she treated me over her wedding (there are other things too, but I will spare details!) was just horrific.

AIBU or should I give her another chance?

At this point you've really got nothing to loose.

How about some sort of breezy 'hi friend, things have been a bit weird since the whole hen party shenanigans, fancy a chat to clear the air, as I think we could both use a bit of a debrief (not that word but ykwim)'

If she doesn't reply, or it goes badly then you're no worse off AND you know where you stand. At best it was all a big misunderstanding and you can get your friend back.

Urgh. Wedding politics!

I'm really surprised you went to her wedding after that fiasco. Did she pay anything towards her hen do? She sounds incredibly entitled and spoilt.

So on top of that you’ve had no apology. You’re frightened of her. She’s destroying your mental health to the point you’ve had to increase your medication. And she’s not even bothered to contact you since. I’m sure you’ve got better friends than this op. She doesn’t deserve a friend like you

Don't get back in touch. You better without this person

She sounds like an absolute nightmare, a massive Bridezilla, and the fact that she gave no thought to how anxious and stressed she was making you because of her ungrateful demands - that isn’t a friend. I feel sorry for whoever she married because she sounds like the sort of person where nothing will ever be good enough for her.

I bloody wouldn't get back in touch with her, no.

How did the others on the hen party react when she kicked off? Were there any other bridesmaids - what did they think and did they offer to help with organising?

YANBu, sounds like you made so much effort for her and she was beyond selfish and ungrateful. Personally that would be the end of the friendship for me, although I would spell out to her exactly why, just as you have done in your op.
Your other option is to tell her exactly how upset you are, still, about how she behaved you but if she can acknowledge how badly she treated you then you would like to put it behind you and move on with your friendship.

In your position, I would literally never have said another word to her again from the moment she flounced out of her own hen party. I wouldn't have continued to be her bridesmaid and I wouldn't have gone to the wedding,.

I suspect everyone who went on that hen weekend, quite rightly, thinks she's a spoilt bitch.

bar this one episode, she’s been an incredible friend to me

I bet she hasn't. My guess is that over the years she's done loads of things that most people would think were really shitty, but you've told yourself it's OK because you don't stand up for yourself. It's just that the hen weekend was the thing that made you finally see the light.

Your final paragraph about 'apart from this one thing she's great' and 'I really miss her, should I give her another chance' reads exactly like a woman who is considering getting back together with a violently abusive boyfriend.

Absolutely don't get in touch with her. She treated you so badly that it LITERALLY MADE YOU ILL and she hasn't even apologised.

What spoilt bitch a charming person.
Unbelievable. My biggest takeaways are
1.You're scared of her. 2.She made you her free travel planner/party organiser then ungratefully shouted and moaned at you.

1. Her behaviour made you unwell to the point of upping medication?

Not a "friendship" I would want to keep.

I say this in the nicest possible way, OP, but anyone normal with decent boundaries on what they tolerate from people would have turned round at the point she was making a loud scene and said, 'Go on then, Janet. Fuck off. And fuck your wedding too, you ungrateful bitch'.

And then gone out and enjoyed the rest of the holiday they'd paid for whilst paying no attention whatsoever to her.

I've got to be honest, I'd have laughed and said, 'Nope. I'm bowing out now,' at the point she announced she expected me to organise a holiday abroad for 30 people, whether they wanted to go or not! The first time she bit your head off you should have said, 'Then organise the fucking thing yourself. You don't speak to people like that when they are trying to do you a favour'.

Block her now, OP, for God's sake. She's dreadful. And next time anyone gets close to treating you badly walk away from them. You'll be much happier.

She isn't even wanting to get in touch, is she? I'd just block her on every platform and learn from it.

The one and only time I was chief bridesmaid I haven't spoken to her since the wedding. Never, ever again.

You should have fucked her off the first time she snapped your head off. Or let her stew in her own juices on the trip and just enjoyed it as much as possible without her.

Ultimately you've had a lucky escape from her OP.

If she tries to get in touch with a grovelling apology and a plausible explanation for her behaviour, I’d consider it. Otherwise, no.

Weddings are stressful and it’s possible there was something huge going on that she didn’t tell you about, and it led to her acting out of character. However… it’s more likely she’s just awful and you’ve only just noticed.

Don’t give her any more head space ever OP. What a cow. Move on

You need to ask yourself a question why you want to be friends with her? You say "she is an incredible friend ". In which way?

Unbelievable! Sounds a complete tool
The Maldives for a hen weekend ! ..does she think everyone is made of money ? Spain is pushing it I think , but she had to ruin it.
I Feel for you op and her new husband who will have years of this entitled behaviour too.
At least you can block her and move on with your life. She sounds awful

Exactly and friends shouldn't make you need to up your anxiety medication.
The way she treated you after your hard work was horrible.
Please tell yourself you are worth more than this and stick with people who wouldn't dream of making you feel so awful.

I would have binned the whole thing off as soon as she started complaining about the hen do location. I certainly wouldn't have rocked up to the wedding after her awful diva behaviour. She's a gold plated bitch and doesn't deserve a friend like you

You say that she was an incredible friend to you? Can I ask how? It is just you say that you were scared to pull out of the whole Bridemaid thing.

I very much doubt that she’s a lovey person generally.

Yes she has been a good friend to you at times, but I would bet money that if you look back there’s a history of this between her and other people. There always is.

So often people look at a friend and because they’re a good friend to them, they overlook the kind of person they really are. But if they’re generally the kind of person who falls out with/treats other people badly, then it’s only a matter of time before you become that person.

I think you are better off without her

it was a dreadful time. Embarrassingly for me, I had a up my anxiety medication because of it all.

A friend isn’t someone you have to be medicated to be around 🤷🏻‍♀️
Forget her.
Which you should have done the second you reached for pills to cope with her 😳

The moment she bit my head off, I would have relinquished my ‘duties’ and ended the friendship. You let her walk all over you and she sounds like a spoilt, immature brat. She wants her hen night a certain way she should do it her bloody self. Cheeky bitch.

Perfectly put 🩷
With friends like this who needs enemies eh?
She sounds bloody horrendous Op and I'd never have anything to do with her again for my own sanity if nothing else.She sounds like a Class A bitch.
The moment she threw a strop about the location and how she treated you would have been the time I'd have said "do it your fucking self then".