To cut my ties with this person

[ThatPeachSnake]

happened last year but still not over it.

I organised a hen party for a friend. I was ‘chief bridesmaid’, if you will.

first of all, she gave me a list of 30 people she wanted there and demanded it be abroad. She wanted no part in it and it all to be a surprise. I started a group chat and threw our dates and potential locations. About 15 people came back and said they couldn’t spend the money or take the time off work. So went back to bride to ask her if she would consider a weekend in the U.K., closer to home so that more people could attend. They are her friends after all, so I assumed she’d want them all there and it would be more important than the location. My head was bitten off and she was so nasty to me about me even suggesting a cottage rental in the countryside.

group dropped down to 15 people. I had to organise the entire trip - flights, accommodation, activities and meals all by myself. I can hand on heart say it was one of the most stressful and expensive experiences.

when we finally got to the hen party, she just didn’t seem happy. I had chosen a city location in Spain as the destination, but she’d been suggesting places like DUBAI, NYC and even the Maldives at one point 😂! She seemed almost disappointed that we were in Spain and not somewhere more ‘glamorous’.

by the second night there, it all kicked off. She made a scene proclaiming that ‘no one is thinking about the bride’. I was in absolute shock. We had all paid 100’s to be there with her and we’re staying in a gorgeous villa. We had nice ‘hen’ decorations, food and booze. We paid for her nights out. Everyone was having a wonderful time, bar her.

She didn’t speak to any one for the remainder of the trip and kept telling me how upset she was and how she wanted to go home. She looked into booking earlier flights so she could leave.

I was so shocked and embarrassed. I felt like I’d done a terrible job. I went to the wedding and decided I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. The issue is, bar this one episode, she’s been an incredible friend to me. I haven’t spoken to her in a couple of months and I miss her. But the way she treated me over her wedding (there are other things too, but I will spare details!) was just horrific.

AIBU or should I give her another chance?

Ditch her and meet up with the other friends as they sound much more fun and agreeable.

What were the other things OP? Just curious. Love me a next level bridezilla thread.

On a serious note - it's not you it's her. That 15 people would give their time and money to travel to a European capital for you and she sulks and throws a tantrum. I would struggle to forgive that

Fuck no, she's an absolute dickhead! Don't you dare go grovelling back after she treated you (and others) like that. Rude, selfish, bratty, inconsiderate...why would you want her in your life after that. She should be thoroughly embarrassed and the fact she isn't speaks volumes. She clearly isn't overly bothered either as she hasn't tried to get in contact. Think about the fact she was so nasty that she made you unwell. That's NOT a friend.
You sound like a great friend -go and be that great friend to someone who deserves it.

The issue is, bar this one episode, she’s been an incredible friend to me

But the way she treated me over her wedding (there are other things too, but I will spare details!) was just horrific

So it wasn't just the "one episode" / the hen do? What else happened?

I would like to know to as definitely wasn't a one off episode
OP.she sounds absolutely terrible she even made you ill
She's not a friend at all.

Some women turn into bridezilla when there's a wedding approaching.

The worst hen do I ever went to we had to go abroad, travelling from the UK, went for 5 days, bride wanted everyone spending hundreds of pounds each day and got in a big sulk when people declined.

One of the group (bridesmaid) nearly had a physical fight with her on the second to last day. Barely anyone spoke to the bride on the way home, and nobody (especially the bridesmaids!) wanted to attend the wedding.

We did all go to the wedding in the end, but since then, I've phased this woman out of my life. You should do the same for this bridezilla.

My best friend went a bit bridezillar for a while before her wedding, nothing like this but it did make me cool the relationship a bit and then she apologised and we have managed to rebuild a great strong friendship. However if she had acted the way your one did I don't think I could have done that.

I’m confused:

“The issue is, bar this one episode, she’s been an incredible friend to me. I haven’t spoken to her in a couple of months and I miss her. But the way she treated me over her wedding (there are other things too, but I will spare details!)”

so there must be other things?

Sounds a nightmare, get rid.

@ThatPeachSnake i just want to reinforce for you that to have a friend prepared to go to the lengths that you did, is a beautiful and precious thing. to have a friend who stuck around on the hen do after being treated like shit, and who still kept their commitment to bridesmaid duties, even more so. And to still now be considering how to fix the friendship and open to hearing potential reasons for this awful behaviour, just very open hearted indeed.
For your friend to behave this way towards you when you were already experiencing anxiety issues, must have been so horrible. you deserve to be treasured and i just wanted to say that.

Why on earth would you want to resurrect a friendship with someone who you are scared of??

She sounds like a really awful person. I'm amazed you went to her wedding at all after that performance.

I’ve clicked YABU. Why even consider being her friend when she switched on you after that?

Shes shown you her true colours, believe her.

sorry op 🌹

I would have told her to shove her bridesmaid duties up her arse, I’m sure a few others would have followed suit.

she sounds like a total ungrateful cow!

καλοκαλoκαιρι

Great username!

Wow!! She sounds delightful.
I would have helped her look for early flights home and sent her on her way!!!! And I wouldn't have gone to the wedding, regardless of being bridesmaid.

Move on and look forward not back.

I’d get rid and let her come to you if she’s sorry.

I had a friend the same, took years to recover. I’d just had a baby and made effort to go to her abroad wedding, took parents so they could look after the baby. Hen do again leaving baby. She kicked off at me all because I couldn’t go to a measuring session for my bride dress (which was her sister doing it who isn’t a seamstress) and she wanted me to make favours at her house I had a baby and my ex let me down who was supposed to look after her. I had started seeing someone new so went to hi instead. This was twisted as I ditched her for new boyfriend (who was part of the grooms party btw so not a stranger) wasn’t true at all. But I wasn’t going to take the baby where people were smoking and drinking and sit at home alone if I had the chance for company.
Anyway wedding abroad came, she blanked me the whole time even though I was a bridesmaid and when I went to give her a hug and congratulate her she turned away from me and pulled a face.
Three years later we finely had it out as she made some dig and I utterly lost my shit with her. Took us years to get right but that bit of resentment from me is always there.

Being scared of people and having to increase anti anxiety medication are not really friends. Maybe they have a pleasant side that you like, but it is not worth the darker side.
i would personally quickly (if not too close to the wedding date) consider to bow out of being a part of the wedding and future friendship. Advise them firmly yet gently. She sounds like she hasn’t got a clue.

sometimes, friendships run a course and time to start a new journey with others. Only the golden last a lifetime.

I don't think that's embarrassing actually. If you suffer from anxiety it seems like a very adult and understandable thing to do

You don’t need that kind of relationship in your life.
Now she’s behaved like that,regardless of situation it will
always be the fall back whenever there is stress in her life and you will just become the ‘whipping boy’ .
Some friendships just aren’t a forever thing - if you miss that friendship maybe you need to become a better friend to yourself or you need to make new friends,as nice as you.
Resurrecting this friendship will only bring you misery.

being cheif bridesmaid or maid of honour is blooming well hard work and not for the faint hearted. brides to be turn into monsters!

has she made any effort to contact you since the wedding? if there has been no effort from her i'd just let it be

I'm gobsmacked at someone thinking 30 people would want to go to their hen, let alone abroad, let alone Dubai or New York.

She sounds delusional. You're better off without her.

I’m currently arranging a small hen for a friend and she just wants a nice meal and to try a new cocktail place. I’ll never understand brides that stupid crazy money spent on them to feel “special”. Op she’s clearly not thought about you so I wouldn’t bother trying to contact her.

I wouldn't have gone to the wedding!

This. X 1,000,000.

She's a user and always will be. I have/ had a friend like that and though part of me hopes she gets back in touch the more sane part hopes she doesn't. If she does I shall go into it with my eyes wide open and I won't let myself be used again!
After no contact for over 4 months she messaged me a couple of weeks ago though I was honestly unavailable.

If she's always been an incredible friend, what on earth possessed her to behave so appallingly?

I couldn't get past her hen behaviour. Truly shocking