Realistic for SIL to rely on inheriting mother's London house

[Opalfleur2025]

SIL is 25 this year and told me she plans on "winging it' through life like her father. What her father did was that he got 100k out of the divorce settlement (despite not working through most of the marriage but he did buy a house jointly with MIL) and then moved to an Asian country where he has a new wife.

I think she is saying this because she knows that MIL would pass the whole house to her which I am fine with. She lives at home and earns a modest amount every month writing online i.e £1k per month. No plans to move out or increase earnings, and limited potential as she has no gcses

I am interested if this is realistic. I read that care can cost up to 65k per annum so assuming MIL goes into a care home for 3 years, that would only be around £210k? House is a 3 bed victorian terrace in zone 3 london so worth around £600k today so there should be plenty left for SIL? MIL's mum died of dementia and I suppose these things are hereditary.

I am a fan of Gary's economics and his view is that for poorer people who own homes (where they don't have other assets) all of the assets will be absorbed in retirement or end of life costs. MIL doesn't have a pension other than state pension and she is self employed (but her profession is under severe threat from AI and she is in her 60s). I know Gary's parents lived in London (owned a house that is pretty much identical to MIL's house) and so probably so did his grandparents? Yet according to him, there was absolutely no inheritance even if they did own their homes.

I also expect that many older people may sell their houses to pay for ancillary medical costs due to long nhs waiting lists.

DH and i own our home in London and we are making provision for our old age so inheritance not a concern for us.

Seems risky to bank on her mother cutting your DH out of her will as her life plan

There are also two other siblings. They don't own their homes either.

Maybe she will care for her mother in the house and avoid care home fees

is that always possible for people with dementia?

My grandma (who didn't live in the UK) didn't have dementia and my parents hired a domestic helper from Indonesia to care for her as she was bed bound. Domestic helper didn't do any chores for the family, only cared for my grandma. But my grandma still went into a care home for the last 1.5 years of her life as the domestic helper caught dengue fever and there was no one to care for her so she went into the care home.

I imagine if the person doesn't know who they are and are always running away, it would be almost impossible for 1 person to keep track of them

I mean, it's possible that she might be able to rely on it, but it's also possible that she won't, for all the reasons you give.

The use of the phrase 'winging it' suggests that she is probably aware she's taking a big risk by relying on it, though.

Is she paying any rent or bills while living with her mum? If not, then her £1K a month probably goes a long way. £1K is pretty good if it's literally all just disposable income!

Seems incredibly irresponsible and actually quite selfish to bank on being the sole inheritor out of 4 siblings. Has she told her mum her plans because her mum might have other plans.

At the end of the day, she doesn't have any aspirations, is happy to float through life so leave her to it. If MIL uses all her own money and there's nothing for anyone, not your problem, if she chooses to give all her money to only one of her children leave her to it and if she gives all of her children an equal share then keep it and don't be guilted into funding her decision not to support herself.

At the end of the day too, she's 25, her life plans have every chance of changing before MIL dies anyway.

no rent, no bills, no food costs. Works well now but her mum isn't immortal.

Her mum is mortgage free now but would not be spared from increasing council tax bills(band d in London) and attempting to support herself and daughter on state pension. I don't think she plans to downsize but at the same time can't rent out rooms as SIL is using almost every room in the house.

I suppose if she is forced to downsize due to costs (which seems drastic imho but depends on whether we keep the triple lock as council tax will only increase hereon and also food costs due to the many wars around the war), that could place SIL in a more vulnerable position.

You never really know what will happen. Someone could die quickly and incur no expenses, or they could be in a care home for years and eat up all assets.

Bloody hell, if I was your DH and his other siblings I would be a bit annoyed at her complacency and entitlement. Why would she get it all? But more importantly, as you say, there might not be anything cos of care costs etc, or MIL is only in her 60s, she could decide to retire, downsize, go travelling, meet someone… anything!

I was also intrigued that your SIL earns £1k a month writing online without any qualifications. That’s pretty good going, she could try to look for a proper paid post in content creating or social media engagement, earn a bit more, stand on her feet and start to enjoy what London offers as a more independent young person.

I'm curious as to why you're so interested/invested in this? Your MIL is only in her 60s, who knows what's going to happen in the next few years.

I think a part of you is very pissed off that your DH may not inherit.

Never count on an inheritance. Aside from the obvious point about it being in extremely poor taste, so much can change. Yes care bills can, and do, swallow up whole estates in a very short time. Advise your SIL to read Bleak House, (or just watch the TV version)

My Nan was at “deaths door” in a care home for 8 years. Completely obliterated everything she had saved and worked for. She just kept going and going. There was no inheritance. I think you’d be foolish to build a life plan on this.

not in the slightest interested in the inheritance. But I think cos i am a fan of gary's economics, his constant message is that the middle class would disappear because of high house costs and low earnings (relative to those with wealth)

However most people have parents who own houses so if house prices are high, then there would be inheritors who can then use the money to buy houses. So i am trying to understand from mumsnetters at a later stage in life how this 'asset' is eroded esp from a london perspective. I can completely see how a 120k bungalow in Middlesbrough get eroded, but interested in how a london terrace can also get eaten up by costs. If that is possible... cos obviously its a very large sum of money!

If mil owns a 600k London house then she isn't "poorer" in the Gary's economics sense.

Average house price in the uk is 300k so she owns an asset worth double the average house.

So she doesn't fall into that category.

In addition, there are a lot of ways to die that don't involve getting dementia. The older you are the more likely you are to have it but many people die before they get it.

Average length of stay in a care home (by which they mean time to death is 801 days which is two and and half years. They note that 50% of residents had died by 400 days though)

haleplace.co.uk/longevity-and-costs/

Let's assume your mil does not go into a home until full nursing care is needed. That's about 62k a year.

lottie.org/fees-funding/care-home-costs/

So on that basis you'd expect her to use up 62 x 2.5 gives 155k

That leaves 445k to either go just to SIL (if not split between siblings) or - I can't remember how many years siblings you said there were.

The point is, why is she such a lazy, entitled twat, who admires people who live off other people's money? What went wrong there and how come nobody challenges her on this?

that makes the plan even more stupid

Why would her mother cut her siblings out?

@Opalfleur2025 , you’re right to point this out - people with dementia will often get to the stage where 24/7 care and supervision are needed, which means someone on hand, awake! - all day, all night, 365 days a year.

Which is so often impossible to provide in a normal family setting, let alone when it’s just one person.

By a certain stage it will often be unsafe to leave the person alone even for half an hour. You just don’t know what they might do - it’s like leaving a toddler on the loose.
You can probably tell that I’m speaking from experience here!

well my MIL says she is glad her ex got all that money for himself so i guess this is fine in their book. I wouldn't unpick the morality of it cos there is just too much there and its none of my business. People like my MIL and SIL don't think of working and earning as liberating, they think that what is important is that you are happy everyday.

In my book, I wouldn't be happy if my life was built on thin foundations and imho its very hard to be happy if you are 65 and you realise that your mum's house has been sold and you don't have enough money to live on. So interested if its even workable and I guess the advantage SIL has is that the house is in London so is worth more.

If your MIL should need to go into a care home it will be considerably more expensive in London. I live in a commuter area in Essex and good care homes here cost at least £5K a month. How would this be funded?

If the house is sold to pay for care costs your SIL will be homeless and have to find money to support herself. She would not be able to use any of the capital from the house sale as this would be considered to be ‘deprivation of assets’ for future care costs. She would also not be able to prevent a house sale despite living there unless she is over 60 (I think that’s the current age).

If the care could be funded from other sources and SIL stays in the house she would have to foot the running costs, which seems unlikely on £1K a month.

I think SIL’s only hope, unless she rethinks her life plans, is that MIL won’t need to go into a care home.

My adult son lives at home, so I’ve investigated these options, just in case!
I have 4 AC and wouldn’t dream of leaving everything to just the one living at home. He knows that either when I need care or die the house will be sold and he will have to be independent.

There are other ways to measure the value of lives than working in a job.

(This is not necessarily about your SIL)

Some people are too disabled to ever work. Are they of no value? Their lives may well be built on few foundations but for many of them they can find meaning in life and achieve happiness for themselves and also give happiness to others.

Many,many many people have family help in their lives. They might have been given support through university, they might have been given money towards a house deposit, they might have been given free family childcare.

Should they reject this in order to achieve everything themselves?

Changing to your SIl, she's 25. You say she has not done well academically but she's earning 1k plus per month. She's still living at home, but at 25 there is time for that to change.

Bit early to judge her whole life, no?

Inheritance tax will be due on the estate too.

Well if she has a pension and £600k from the house she will need a good IFA to make sure she gets a good income from her investments, also apply for Attendance Allowance if she needs to be in a care home. The money will decrease much slower than you think. She might not get the house but there should be money left. That's if she needs care, not everyone does.

There is no guarantee that you will get dementia because a parent had dementia. It;s also not a given that if you have dementia you will need residential care. Lots of people do, but others decline slowly at home and then die of something else before the dementia gets to the severe stage.

The rest of it is all a bit mad though, essentially "winging" it through life doesn't seem much of a plan.

Not necessarily a lot if it is left to her DC.