Realistic for SIL to rely on inheriting mother's London house

[Opalfleur2025]

SIL is 25 this year and told me she plans on "winging it' through life like her father. What her father did was that he got 100k out of the divorce settlement (despite not working through most of the marriage but he did buy a house jointly with MIL) and then moved to an Asian country where he has a new wife.

I think she is saying this because she knows that MIL would pass the whole house to her which I am fine with. She lives at home and earns a modest amount every month writing online i.e £1k per month. No plans to move out or increase earnings, and limited potential as she has no gcses

I am interested if this is realistic. I read that care can cost up to 65k per annum so assuming MIL goes into a care home for 3 years, that would only be around £210k? House is a 3 bed victorian terrace in zone 3 london so worth around £600k today so there should be plenty left for SIL? MIL's mum died of dementia and I suppose these things are hereditary.

I am a fan of Gary's economics and his view is that for poorer people who own homes (where they don't have other assets) all of the assets will be absorbed in retirement or end of life costs. MIL doesn't have a pension other than state pension and she is self employed (but her profession is under severe threat from AI and she is in her 60s). I know Gary's parents lived in London (owned a house that is pretty much identical to MIL's house) and so probably so did his grandparents? Yet according to him, there was absolutely no inheritance even if they did own their homes.

I also expect that many older people may sell their houses to pay for ancillary medical costs due to long nhs waiting lists.

DH and i own our home in London and we are making provision for our old age so inheritance not a concern for us.

Her older sisters haven't even found that and they are 100% normal and very pretty and sociable. As I grow older, I actually realized that you tend to partner up with people who are like yourselves! other than dh, none of the kids are very interested in financial stability so they go for men who are a bit more artsy and whimsical (and also not from rich families). Unfortunately, this combination these days means that you find it very hard to buy property (if you are below 40).

I am 31 and with the exception of one friend who is 37 and bought a very cheap flat in Coventry (with help from loans from family and 1.5 years of rent free living with his mum), all my friends who bought either have very substantial cash gifts from parents or are professionals with above average salaries. This is UK wide, not just in London.

I found this very distasteful as well.
Of course it's not reasonable to be relying on a potential inheritance OP and I don't think you need us to say it.

But I think @FrenchandSaunders hit the nail right on the head with her comment.

Feels like people are already fighting over potential inheritance while the person in question is still alive 🤷🏼‍♀️

You really don't know what will happen.

Your SIL is assuming she'll get the whole house & no other sibling with contest it, or her DM won't repartner or sell, or they can afford to keep the house.

The common denominator though, is these wingers always rely on someone else for their financial stability. We all know how that can end.

I am also interested in what kind of writing someone without a single GCSE can do that brings in a thousand pound a month.

If there’s no will stating the SIL will inherit the lot the estate will be divided between all her DC.

Only 2.5% of the elderly population are in care homes (and for arguments sake say the same again are cared for in their own homes). So it is unlikely statistically that she will.
If in her 60s (as am I and still have a teenager!), then she is (also statistically) likely to live at least another 20 years.
So, does you SIL not see herself ever getting married? Or after a few years want a more challenging job? Maybe not. And if her mother should need some care is she willing to provide that? And has your MIL definitely said that she'll leave the house in its entirety to her? Say she did, would she then sell it and move into a smaller property? £12k/year isn't enough to run a house and pay all bills and put food in the table plus buy the odd bit of clothing or socialise.
Her mother may also decide to sell up and release some capital to go on some trips while she's still fully able - she may even meet someone and get married herself!
But it's likely your SIL will not change until forced to.

If you read all of OPs posts, SIL didn't even say she's relying on this inheritance. She just said about winging it and OP ASSUMED she meant getting money from her DM.

Oh, she will soon tire of this though. It's not such a good look at age 35, 45, 55!

Her friends will start to get married and have kids, and she will want more from life than living with Mummy.

Her Mum could live well into her 90's! DH and I are in our 50's and both have parents who are alive.

I can't see her still being in the same boat at 50!

I am interested tbh because I am not sure what would happen if it doesn't work out. DH and i are her only family who live in the same country. I would like her to inherit something so she can live independently after her mum passes on.

her dad moved back in with his parents at 60 after his divorce. He only managed to move overseas cos of the divorce settlement.

DIvorce settlements kinda work differently from inheritances, MIL was young enough that she could remortgage the house to buy him out plus she absolutely needed to or she and the 4 kids would be homeless (at that time the youngest was only 10 and DH was in sixth form doing a levels).

Nice private care home London is £2050 a week. 100k + a year
Think again.

It’s obviously unrealistic as a guarantee, anything could happen.

But why is it your business? Just make it clear to your DH. Who should make it clear to his sister, that you will not be part of her future strategy in terms of providing money or housing, or indeed nursing MIL for a protracted period so that SIL can protect her supposed inheritance.

The whole family sound feckless in various ways. SIL is young, had time to cop on, but needs to consider that as her mum had also ‘winged it’ with no pension, she will probably start remortgaging the house to support herself as soon as her paid work dries up. And she won’t get state pension for another 7 years.

If she gets dementia as she gets older (or a host of other things) she will entitled to attendance allowance.
She could get cancer, have a stroke, her children could die first, you could die and never find out. Anything could happen, you are worrying about spending that might never happen.

wouldn't that erode the inheritance in 6 years?!

I wasn't born and bred in the UK so sometimes i am unfamiliar with what people usually do in these situations or what is considered conventional. In my home country, everyone is expected to buy their own houses (which the state subsidizes for 85% of the population) and if they happen to live with parents then it is still expected that they would be financially independent after the parents pass on. in any case, being surrounded by poor countries mean that live in domestic helpers are still a thing.

So i ask these questions on mumsnet so I don't need to ask people IRL

My granny has been in car for a year. Similar situation and house. Has a lot of cash savings and a decent pension on top of state. She's spent more than £50k in care fees so far. She's got four years until we will have to sell the house. So no, I wouldn't count on that.

I've no idea who Gary is nor the viability of his economics but why are you assuming MIL would go into a care home?
She could drop down in the street or house, or die in hospital, or anything.
Only between 1 in 5/1 in 6 people die in a care home and many of these will have only been in the home a short time - my granddad died within a fortnight iirc.

Even if she needed at home care, this wouldn't cost anything like as much and you'd assume that SIL would be in a position to provide a lot of it given her specific circs - although again who knows what could happen, she could meet a rich partner and move out?

I think your mil should probably do some financial planning at some stage but based on multiple various possibilities not just this one specific scenario.

In theory it's OK.

Obvious risks that money is decreased by splitting with siblings or carehomes fees. Assume she realises that.

I'd be more concerned about what if mil lives healthy and happy to 100? Sil will be wanting to retire but can't because she can't sell the house. She'll still have a roof over her head and basic bills paid by mil but nothing to have 'a retirement' with.

Also article writing type jobs are likely to go with Artificial Intelligence, what backup will she have? She'll probably need a more official job in a few years anyway.

@Opalfleur2025 no harm in asking questions!

Most people in the UK expect to move out of the family home in early adulthood (18 - 25) and live independently. British people generally people prefer buying to renting but with house prices the way they are that can be hard, especially in London. So adult children often can stay in the family home longer than before and people often rely on inheritance to get a deposit to buy a house.

Live in domestic help is very rare and confined to the wealthy. Older people will rely on family or paid carer who will visit one or two times a day - depending on your income you or the council will pay. If you can no longer live at home you can go in to a care home, again depending on the money you have the council may pay but often you will have to contribute - if most of your wealth is in houing you will have to sell the house to pay for it.

Most people in the UK will qualify ofr a stat pension at 67 - it is enough for a basic lifestyle but not much more. A lot of people supplement this with a private pension.

Here’s how it could get eroded;

MIL work runs out in 2 years.
Release equity from house for 5 years to release £20k Pa Total: £100k.

MIL has no pension other than state.
Release equity @ £10k a year to top up state pension x 20 years:
Total £200k

Interest and fees on all that, maybe
Total £30k

New boiler x 2, new roof during 25 years :
Total £25k

House sale fees: £10k

Care home for 3 years (takes her to 90)
£350k

Money Gone!

If no care home:

SIL discovers that MIL’s will splits the house with other none house owning siblings. But inherits £100k

She cannot live in the house because it will need to be sold to cover all the equity release.

£100k is about 4 years living costs if you have rent to pay.

Also in English law there is no right of family to inherit, so MIL can leave her house to whoever she likes. You can make a court claim against the estate if you were financially dependent on the deceased, but it would be hard for an able bodied adult child to argue that.

Yes and was that in answer to op asking/demanding to know what she'd do so the SIL was taking the mickey/being defensive?

I am also sure this has been posted before, which is not a crime of course but a nod to this in the opening post would have helped. the assertion that you need to be pretty and sociable and normal to snare a man made me chuckle. All round oddness, not just the SIL.

Has MIL told SIL she is leaving everything to her,? If not, she is being a bit presumptious.
If MIL finds herself struggling financially she may decide to release some equity from her house. That will put a large dent in any potential inheritance.

SIL might just find herself middle aged and homeless in a few years 🤔

OP a 25 year old living in the family home is not unusual at all, youngsters often take a good few years to get their act together and either start saving for a house deposit or move into rented accommodation.
Young adults in London often stay at home longer because they want the London lifestyle but it’s obviously a lot of money to rent or buy a property.

tbh in my home country, people tend to live with their parents until they are married. My sister is a doctor and is 28 and getting married next year to another doctor but will live with my parents until her flat is completed (she bought a new build government flat as she qualifies for a lot of subsidies even as a well paid first time buyer). The idea is that after she lives there for five years, she can upgrade to a private condo and enjoy the profits from the sale of the government subsidized flat. Almost all young couples do this though obviously most people can't afford to upgrade to the private condo.

The big difference is that whether she is a doctor or a lower paid admin worker, as home ownership rate is 90%, she could probably afford to buy at some point with a partner or if she is single, she could buy the government subsidized flat as soon as she hits age 35. This is based on the assumption that there is no help from parents. So if someone was 25 or 35 or even 45 living with family, as long as he or she has a job, no one would worry about their future housing wise.

Everyone is forced to save 20% of income for healthcare/housing/pension plus 16% employer contribution so that is the pension though of course with increasing lifespans, many people prefer to have their own investments to supplement it.

I feel like in UK, there is no guarantee anyone would have a secure home. Dh and i moved out of his family home in our 20s and bought a flat in London but we are the only one of his siblings to manage it thus far. i must say i find this uncertainty very unsettling!