Realistic for SIL to rely on inheriting mother's London house

[Opalfleur2025]

SIL is 25 this year and told me she plans on "winging it' through life like her father. What her father did was that he got 100k out of the divorce settlement (despite not working through most of the marriage but he did buy a house jointly with MIL) and then moved to an Asian country where he has a new wife.

I think she is saying this because she knows that MIL would pass the whole house to her which I am fine with. She lives at home and earns a modest amount every month writing online i.e £1k per month. No plans to move out or increase earnings, and limited potential as she has no gcses

I am interested if this is realistic. I read that care can cost up to 65k per annum so assuming MIL goes into a care home for 3 years, that would only be around £210k? House is a 3 bed victorian terrace in zone 3 london so worth around £600k today so there should be plenty left for SIL? MIL's mum died of dementia and I suppose these things are hereditary.

I am a fan of Gary's economics and his view is that for poorer people who own homes (where they don't have other assets) all of the assets will be absorbed in retirement or end of life costs. MIL doesn't have a pension other than state pension and she is self employed (but her profession is under severe threat from AI and she is in her 60s). I know Gary's parents lived in London (owned a house that is pretty much identical to MIL's house) and so probably so did his grandparents? Yet according to him, there was absolutely no inheritance even if they did own their homes.

I also expect that many older people may sell their houses to pay for ancillary medical costs due to long nhs waiting lists.

DH and i own our home in London and we are making provision for our old age so inheritance not a concern for us.

I have found the thread very interesting. Have to say, fair play to your mother-in-law for holding it together, looking after her 4 kids and living in, what you describe as poverty whilst her ex husband, not only caused that poverty but swanned off to lead his best life, which i assume a younger woman.

After experiencing such a difficult time, I am surprised she hasn't instilled in your sister in law more of a sense of standing on your own two feet.

I'm also surprised that it sounds as though your sister in law admires her father.

My mother’s care home was good; it cost £1700 per week in the north west. As dementia was considered social care rather than medical needs my parents had to fund it all.

My dad was also several months at £1800 per week due to different needs. They were comfortably off, decent house and still had some pensions and investment income.

The reality is some people will need this care for several years and as a previous poster pointed out the cap only covers a small part so not the ‘hotel costs’, laundry etc. It

Anyone relying on an inheritance in these circumstances may well be in for a shock.

My sister and I inherited out parent's house in our 30s. Similar value (adjusted for house price inflation), 3 bed in zone 3. Neither parent needed a care home, our dad died in our 20s and I helped care for my mum as she had cancer but I didn't live with her. I don't think it's that common to need a care home, not for the majority of people. In our wider family it's more usual to care for relatives at home, it's part of our culture. We do have dementia on my mum's side of the family but my mum wasn't affected by it, maybe she would have if she'd lived longer. Both my sister and I have reasonable jobs and are married to high earners so we didn't rely on the inheritance, but obviously in London it helps.

I think your Dh might want to remind her that in 20/30 or more years when their mother passes away, the inheritance including the house if there is any, will be split between all her siblings not kept just for her pleasure, she may want to get a good job and finance herself in the meantime.

Yes. Why does your SIL think the estate won't be split between the siblings?

So what is it you think sil should do?
Even if she substantially increased her income she is unlikely to be able to buy a home in London by herself. With 2 incomes it's hard. And she is only 25.

Garys economics are wrong, the 4 bedroom "farm house" (its very small and no longer has a farm) I live in was given - or should I say the previous house that was demolished and replaced with this one in 1790 - to my distant ancestor by Elizabeth 1, for what we don't know!!, the title has passed down the family ever since.

This is property currently valued at £400k, not a stately home, in all that time its not been eroded, I'll guess in the past it might have been taxed once or twice, who knows.

So it doesn't apply universally that she won't inherit, but its a crap plan for her life, assuming her mum has 20 more years she will be mid 40's, if then she doesn't inherit or only gets a bit, she'll be in a fix.

But I'm not doing what I thought I would be in my mid 20's, our lives change, something will likely lure her to a different plan. If it doesn't, hope it works out.

I'm a Care Professional and most of my clients have dementia. They all live at home bar one who did have to go into residential care in the end.

There are many different types of dementia. And only the "rarer" types are hereditary.

My client I mentioned above, had vascular dementia which is fast moving in its progression. Most "dementia" isn't and yes people can live very well in their own homes with the condition.

Why do you assume SIL won't get married or co-habit long term, unless she said she's against it? In that likely situation, she'll be fine even if partner is on modest income, she earns what she now earns, and they get even half of the house value - or if they both live with MIL and save for their future.

Your 25 year old SIL is very young. She may well find a partner and settle down, move out, maybe have children in the next 10 years, so much can change in your 20s and 30s. She might change her outlook on life - how many of us think and behave the same way we did when we were 25?
if nothing changes yes it’s a risky way to save for your old age because anything could happen. She’s doing well earning 1k a month from writing with no GCSEs, she must be very bright if not academic. I guess if she didn’t have her current living arrangement she’d have a different outlook. It’s surprising her mum would leave her house to one child and I’m not sure that would really happen? I mean had your MIL fallen out with the others? That’s bizarre.

My dad died of dementia (vascular) at home in February, in the end the decline was rapid, but he was at home with us with no outside care help until the last week of his life. So I agree fully with you that it is in no way impossible to keep the average dementia patient comfortable in their own home.

My dad died of dementia (vascular) at home in February, in the end the decline was rapid, but he was at home with us with no outside care help until the last week of his life. So I agree fully with you that it is in no way impossible to keep the average dementia patient comfortable in their own home.

Sadly it was impossible for my parent to stay at home, there were multiple incidents involving all the emergency services. My parent refused all carers and barricaded the doors, even with my sibling and I going every day my parent was starving to death and laying in their bed filthy dirty because they wouldn’t allow any help with personal care. They were delusional and hallucinating, it was heartbreaking to see. We couldn’t keep my parent safe.

I think it makes a big difference if the person lives alone or not.

I dont know how to "reply" 🫣

I'm terribly sorry for your loss 😞

My Mother's London terrace didn't get eaten up. It was also in zone 3. There was a big inheritance tax bill. It was sold for 980k then there was tax myself and my sibling received around 325k each. It's been a few years now. I don't remember the exact amount of inheritance tax, but beware SIL it massive.

You can have up to £500K tax free from a single/unmarried/divorced person and up to a million if they were married/civil partners and the last deceased is the survivor and inherited everything from the spouse.

Its complex, but in essence everyone has a nil rate band of 325K and a residence nil rate band of 175K available, if married it can be transferred giving a total of a potential £1M before tax.

Bloody hell. You again. Tales of the same SIL. Again.

You could try living your own life?

And now you've "diagnosed" your MIL with dementia in advance purely on the basis her mother had it.

Stop greedily eyeing up your in laws assets and concentrate on building your own.

Sil is literally the person who mentioned it. Plus I am pretty sure MIL would leave everything to her cos she is worried about her. Dh wouldn't get a single penny probably cos we already own a home in London so she would think we don't need it.

I just wondered if it's realistic nowadays. Previously I would have said it was and probably she wouldn't be given a nasty shock but some of these quoted care home costs are shocking.

But you're engaging with this made up nonsense OP.

You worry about future care costs eroding house equity.

A PP says maybe SIL will care for MIL at home.

Your first response?

"Is that always possible for people with dementia?"

She doesn't HAVE dementia for crying out loud. She's not ill. She's not dying. She isn't even your mother.

I say engaging with it, you're initiating thread after obsessive thread about your SIL'a life choices and your MIL's house...

YABU in that you are pouring over the finances of someone who’s alive and kicking! Shame on you.

You have posted so many threads about your SIL. Why? What's it to you? What are you envious of?

Don't come all "I'm worried about her/MIL"; you blatantly aren't.

She is worried about her inheritance.

If I am worried about anything I am worried she may come and live with me lol..but hopefully wouldn't come to that.

She sounds very naive and I think it will come back to bite her.

She's extremely privileged to be able to live in a £600k london house despite earning so little and having no GCSEs. Unfortunately, I think having such a privileged background has given her a warped view of life and she doesn't realise how much she might struggle later in life.

She ought to be using this time of being young with free accommodation to up-skill and put aside savings. She has a golden opportunity here to start getting herself set up for life, while her peers are paying out most of their salary on rent and food and bills often while working long hours to establish their careers, it's a shame that she doesn't see this.