To ask for the biggest CV fails you've come across?

[Kidulthood2027]

Have just realised I've been sending off a CV with a sentence that reads "I undertook regular security checks of the hotel during evening shits." I had meant to say "shifts". I thought I had proofread the CV thoroughly before sending it off, but clearly not enough. I was wondering why I was receiving so little interest for basic retail/food service jobs. Absolutely mortified. Any stories to make me feel better? Can be from you or from CVs you have reviewed during your working life.

It is a language difference and not suitable for an English editor post.
It’s a good way to spot if people really have C2 English skills. We do prefer English mother tongue but it’s not always possible.

In the days when people were asked to provide written applications together with a cover letter I did actually provide feedback to one candidate that using writing paper with flowers on it might not be entirely appropriate for job-seeking.

I worked at the Argos up the London Road for a bit...

Not mine.

We had one in which the 'previous employment' list started with:

Soldier of fortune ([year-year])

They'd actually worked for a magazine of that name, but it caused a moment of consternation.

I've seen sports and extracurricular activities in CVs from candidates aged 40+! That always gets me :)
Why?

Oh no! There's some kind of hobby cut off point in life. I wish someone had told me 🤣

I remember one where the applicant did not mention that they had been a Police officer.

The pp about throwing all the CVs in the air reminds me of the "Top Tip:"

"Avoid hiring unlucky people by dumping half of the CVs before reading any."

Sounds about the standard of utter contempt for applicants demonstrated by most recruiters.

I forgot to mention that the same person whose CV I had helped with had included her email address, which would sometimes be fine, but hers included her nickname. Nothing wrong with her nickname when taken literally but it is a word that also indicates she smokes a particular drug. She absolutely doesn't but hadn't thought of that when she included it.

Not a CV, but in a personal statement on an application for a university course in a science subject: 'During my gap year, I hope to study astronomy or astrology'.

NNNNOOOOOOOO... 😂

My ex used to send out his CV: First sentence "Hello, and Welcome! My name is xxxxx xxxxxx........"

Thank you for this thread, I was chuckling at the Killer Whale, but Queensbury Rules has floored me! 😂

I have recruited to clinical academic roles, so have had some odd applications, but the most memorable went on for 10 pages detailing all the ways in which her creative prowess as an artist and poet had gone unappreciated in her previous (clinical) roles, and how she expected us to do better. The role was mostly undergraduate placement management and some skills teaching. Zero artistic skills required. We didn’t interview.

Sorry, I understand the embarassment and mortification, but.. some of these, including the OP's one, are hilarious! I think this thread will be moved to Classics soon.

We once received one that said "I've aways dreamed of being a data entry clerk and I always work on speed"

We found the first part unlikely and the assumed that on was meant to be with ... we were intrigued anyway and since she seemed very enthusiastic interviewed and she did get the job - she was great at data entry and there were no drugs involved so far as we could tell! Actually she still works for us 18 years down the line so she must be doing something right

As a Social Worker writing an assessment, I summised that a “package of cake” was needed. Obviously, they really needed a package of care.

Two that amused me. One that included a bundle of photocopies of his (shite) watercolours for an academic job, the other who added "Relationship status: looking for love" 😂

That sounds like a classic example of where a job centre has ordered somebody to apply for a job(s) in order not to lose their out-of-work benefits, but they really don't want to get a job.

I don't get the idea of not including hobbies at all. Sure, nobody wants eight detailed paragraphs, but briefly mentioning that you enjoy lacrosse or crochet is just an extra little marker that you're maybe a rounded individual and not an automaton - and can sometimes provide a handy topic for an ice-breaker, especially if it's an unusual and/or fascinating-sounding hobby.

I think some recruiters are quite unfair in sneering at things as clearly ridiculous that they personally don't like, but which a lot of other recruiters would appreciate and might find helpful in making a decision.

That's reminded me that in a previous job, I used to receive fairly regular strongly-worded corporate complaints from someone whose email address was [email protected]. 😳

A CV was sent to our place recently where they had mentioned 3 times that they were punctual. They never showed up for the interview 🤣

@Kidulthood2027 youve given dh and I such a 🤣🤣🤣🤣

( 🤞your cv revision will be successful )

I don't get the idea of not including hobbies at all. Sure, nobody wants eight detailed paragraphs, but briefly mentioning that you enjoy lacrosse or crochet is just an extra little marker that you're maybe a rounded individual

It's a potential source of discrimination, and takes up space that could be devoted to demonstrating how you match the job/person spec.

This did make me laugh. Thanks.

I once was recruiting for a post in a low income country where people were quite desperate and tended to "embellish" their CVs. One claimed to have an MBA from the US, but unfortunately spoilt the effect by putting in brackets (Master of Bull and Advice).

I think you mean;

"I haven't ever found one'.

Or maybe;

"I haven't found even one".

I am loving the 'massive jugs' and 'poof-reading'! 😂

Yes my friend's CV was fun. Nice person but CV writing was evidently not her strong point!