To ask for the biggest CV fails you've come across?

[Kidulthood2027]

Have just realised I've been sending off a CV with a sentence that reads "I undertook regular security checks of the hotel during evening shits." I had meant to say "shifts". I thought I had proofread the CV thoroughly before sending it off, but clearly not enough. I was wondering why I was receiving so little interest for basic retail/food service jobs. Absolutely mortified. Any stories to make me feel better? Can be from you or from CVs you have reviewed during your working life.

Currently in exec search and I've seen some dreadful CVs.

When hiring in EMEA I find Europeans, particularly Germans feel the need to include headshots and marital status, even listing the names and ages of their children.

Some photos are wildly inappropriate- an HR Director included a photo of herself in a bikini on holiday. She looked great, but hardly appropriate.

Another CV included a line with each job role the reason that they left.
Explore new career opportunities and redundancy for example.
But the last job stated "The Chief was insufferable, I lost the employment tribunal".

I despise CVs that include cover letters making demands such as -
I will ONLY work MAXIMUM 2 days in the office (for an on-site position).

Anything AI generated. We can tell - just shows you make minimal effort.

Hobbies and interests -
Converting people to veganism.
I have a "passion project" selling juice plus to clients around the world 🙄

That's interesting to know!
I've only recently been applying for new roles, as I'm disillusioned with the job I've been doing for the past 10 years, and always send PDF CVs.
I don't want random people having edit access to my CV.
Many years ago a recruiter changed my CV before sending it out and it was incorrect, I was bloody fuming!

I had one where the candidate had included a coloured pie chart showing how much time he spent on tasks an average work day.

🤣🤣🤣

I worked in marketing in the 90s when it was de rigeur for people who fancied themselves as a creative genius or the next Saatchi brother to send ridiculous CVs to showcase their originality. Coloured paper, wacky fonts, delivered with a teabag so you could have a cuppa when reading it, spoken aloud on a dictaphone tape, written in the style of a comic strip, flat pack furniture instructions... honestly. The day we got a CV on white paper, times new roman font, with a simple covering letter the office practically erupted in applause.

This was going to be mine! A former employer advertised for a ‘pubic relations consultant’.

I have sadly made this mistake in a letter I sent out for my local authority too. We did have a laugh about it after it was addressed in a response letter but I was mortified 🙈

I had one that listed everything they've done from the age of 5. It was for a specialised role where people normally hold PhDs and this person had the most basic qualifications, no wonder he had to list his primary school to bulk up his CV.

My favourite was one that included a detailed explanation of how he took GCSE Spanish but failed it.

I had the opportunity to apply for early retirement on exceedingly good terms. After all those years of preparing for annual reviews and highlighting how valuable I was for the business and how unique my skills and experience were, I had to write an application explaining how most of what I did was totally unnecessary and the little that remained could be done much cheaper by hiring a consultant when needed. Felt very strange, and not particularly good for the self-esteem.

Not a CV but when asked for her two referees one young lass gave her mother. Seemed very surprised when I explained this wasn’t acceptable as “ my mum knows me well”

It's been about 30 years since I read a CV which listed under 'hobbies' that the person was an office holder --secretary or treasurer I think - of the (Town name) Rabbit and Cavy Fanciers Club.

It'll stick with me forever. It took everything I had not to giggle in the interview.

I once received one that was SO bad:

• picture of the candidate with her kids at the top of the first page

-about 10 pages long, she'd had a LOT of jobs and listed every single one

-all in Comic Sans, with different bits in different colours, red, yellow, blue, pink, purple. Lots of random bold and underlined bits

But the best bit....

-every single job had a 'reason for leaving' and they were brutally honest. Things like

They promised me a payrise and I didn't get one

I wanted to do a qualification in (random thing) and they wouldn't pay for it

I was told I could be a fire Marshall and they changed their minds and I wasn't happy

I didn't fit in, everyone was younger than me

The manager I worked for died and I didn't like the other manager so I decided to leave

And so on. It was awful and amazing in equal measure

This thread has reminded me of CV that went viral a few years ago. The guy had included video of him doing things like bench presses and playing tennis - He also claimed the Dalai Lama had written his college recommendation letter and he'd beaten Pete Sampras at Tennis.

If I remember rightly he nicked his "Impossible is nothing" tag line from Adidas

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impossible_Is_Nothing_(video_r%C3%A9sum%C3%A9)

I once asked my then boyfriend to print off my cv for me at his work.

He didn't understand that "advise" and "advice" are two different words and not a spelling mistake on my part, so he bloody changed it to what he thought was correct without telling me.

I sent it out without realising for ages.

Recruiting for a reception type role. I think the applicant wanted to say that he had previous customer service / dealing with the public experience. What he actually said was, "I have exposed myself to customers many times."

Yes, but she now owns all those city centre car parks that generate millions a day with one member of staff and a couple of bags of gravel thrown around.😂and all the multi storey car parks in Dubai.

For a few, specific jobs, that could be a brilliant idea.

I recall hearing about a student applying for Oxford thought she would make her Personal Statement, or whatever they were called then, more interesting so she said she was a pigeon fancier. Unfortunately the man interviewing her was also a pigeon fancier and she was caught out big time.

I used to work in a Jobcentre, UK. Any CV that was produced by someone who had attended any of the JobClubs or been on any of the Courses we sent people on was guaranteed to be riddled with errors and typos.

Yeah I ca see that - however this was for a NED role on an advisory board - we were paying expertise not hourly allocated time!

I was once shortlisting for a junior role and read a really great cover letter - at the bottom was a line that read ‘here you go, don’t forget to format (and delete this bit of course!) Love mum x’

I got one in the post that had been spritzed with perfume. 😆 After the laugh I binned it.

@mindutopia

" can't think of any myself, but I was hiring for a role once back in the days of paper CVs and we had someone apply using an 8 page (!!) CV printed on lime green plastic sheets."

Back in the days if very high unemployment, my then employer was recruiting and was inundated, roping in many of us office staff to do basic sifts.

Among other things the first sift removed any that were printed on coloured paper, unusual coloured or multicoloured inks and over elaborate fonts.

You can protect a word doc from editing if you want