To be disappointed about the book?

[AnnaSewell]

My daughter is in her mid-twenties. For Xmas she bought me a slim paperback book. I thought at the time it was a fairly modest gift but thanked her and put it on one side.

This evening I picked it up to read. I found she had omitted to rub out the pencil price put in at the charity shop. The book had cost £2.49.

I would like to have been worth a tenner.

I'd believe this if OP hadn't literally said a price she'd like to have been "worth".

There's many members of my family who have, on occasion, left prices on presents or cards. It wasn't a "didn't bother to conceal" action. It was simply an oversight.

People are very sensitive about their "worth", as if they don't know their own value.

This is very weird. If my DD did this to me, I’d take the piss out of her and we’d have a laugh about it. Because our relationship is built on having a good time together, not on what we spend on each other. You can’t really put a price on that I suppose. Don’t really have any advice sorry, just think it’s a bit sad.

Of course it's not grabby and entitled for a mum to be hurt that her dd spent a piddly amount on her - that's her child.

I do not believe that all these posters falling over themselves to explain how little they expect to be spent on thei presents would not be a bit "meh" IRL if one of their adult children only spent a couple of pounds on them - if they could well afford it (like the OP's daughter) and if spending little or nothing at all wasn't their family tradition which it isn't for the OP otherwise it wouldn't be an issue.

This post sounds like my mother. She expects us ( her family) to read her mind and complains bitterly about ‘her worth’ if she gets a present below her expectations.
Good help the poor sod that fails to deliver, endless moaning and whinging to the rest of the family ‘x has loads of money ,look what x’s mil got and what I get from x, after all I have done for x’.
Nothing we ever buy her is good enough and should any of us go on holiday she expects a gift.

@LT1982

Have you not heard of the cost of living crisis? You flippantly say daughter could have added x, you or z to the gift. Maybe she actually couldn't. I'd rather my child didn't go hungry or get into debt for my Xmas present and I'd actually be discreetly asking if they need financial help

Have you not read all the OP's posts? She's said her daughter can clearly afford it and she'd probably have a better idea of her own daughter's situation than total strangers. If she can afford to eat out at a restaurant a couple of times a month, she can afford to buy a cheap present, and £10 is still a pretty cheap present IMO, it's not as though OP is asking for the World exactly. Her daughter is not going to "go hungry" over a £2.49 gift fgs!

Don’t be so ungrateful some people don’t even get a £2.49 book

This type of completely irrelevant comment has come up several times on this thread. So what? OP and her daughter DO exchange presents. Well there are some people who do spend extravagantly on their mums, so should OP feel both grateful that her daughter gave her anything (fgs what a low bar), but, at the same time, also feel ungrateful that she didn't spend as much as some other people do? That would be nonsense wouldn't it?

If someone started a thread with "my OH is often rude to me when they speak to me" and a poster responded with "you should be grateful, some people never get to hear their partners say anything" just imagine how that would go down?

I agree with this.

If the book had been something that I had coveted for a long long time.. perhaps a rare book no longer published, then it would have been the most amazing gift as my daughter had remembered what I like.

The thought would have meant everything to me.

How many people do you have to buy gifts for and how many does she? My mum literally only buys for my dad and me. She doesn’t have any parents and isn’t close to her siblings. She doesn’t have any friends. I have to buy for over 20 people (mum and dad, husband, sister in law and husband, 7 nieces/nephews (they are a blended family with previous kids each and then kids together), mother and father in law, 4 god children, 2 friends and 4 colleagues). I can’t possibly spend as much time and money on each present.

The first part of your post is disingenuous and missing the whole point.

The second part .. you still laugh at the fact that your son was giving it to his favourite MIL, crossed out the in law bit and lied?

I would have been hurt by this at the total lack of thought and then lying to you.

I'm with you OP. I earn a similar salary to your daughter, age 31, I have minimal debt. No children. I am however saving for a house deposit.

Fair enough if it's a book she knows you would really like but I would have added in a couple of other items to bulk up the Value. I'm talking something like supermarket chocolates/flowers or a voucher from a groupon type website maybe. Nothing particularly expensive, but given I'm an adult that earns a decent salary, I would personally want to give more than a book from a charity shop.
My parents were able to give me plenty of presents during my childhood/teen years at birthdays so I like to show appreciation for that now that I can give them something back. As well as just appreciating everything they have done for me in general over the years, not related to money/finances.

Have you and your daughter fallen out recently? If not, it may be a bit pointed eg she is saving for a flat/house and feels you could be helping her out more if you are nearly mortgage free (not saying you should, just how she might feel).

Tightwad. Very thoughtless.

Some posters have gone back over OP's other threads @NalafromtheLionKing and they seem to be have had significant issues, so yes it could be 'pointed'

So you would only spend £2.49 on your mum or dad @QuizNight?

A book is a lovely gift if it's an author/subject you like. And has been bought with care and thought

There's an awful lot of books out there that I absolutely would not give you a Thank You for,

for me its the thought and personally yes i can see your point op @AnnaSewell but if its the same book and only the price thats different then id be impressed they still got me the item and saved some ££ as then they may have more ££ towards other gifts for others etc

No, more fool me. I generally spend between £75-£100 on each of them (I get about £20-£30 gift back joint from both but that’s neither here nor there) but my mum’s lucky she gets anything to be honest. That’s a story for a different day though.

Was it a Book relating to a special subject which fascinates you?????
Or connected to your place of birth????
Or helpful in one of your hobbies????
Its slightly disappointing, Ive been there. Its mystifying because it stops you in your tracks .
Esp. if when you was younger you gave bigger gifts to elders. I think its par for the course as they grow up and become more distant. Non the less Heartbreaking. Once, I was that twenty year old. -I gave a cheap bottle of Body Lotion to an elderly relative. I was stunned the following year :
She gave it back:As a gift to me. I was shocked. I realised I should have been more considerate as I usually gave big meaningful presents.

Why are mothers so (generalisation) undervalued on here?

Why are so many missing the point?

A charity shop present is fine if there is care and thought behind it
It's fine if that's the 'usual thing' in your family

It is not fine if it's any old tat. It's not fine if it's the first thing you've picked up. It's not fine if you've given no thought to the recipient. It's not fine if you can't even be arsed to take the price off. There are plenty of books that are in good condition that I'm sure she could have found.

And I'll bet my house it's nothing to do with being green, or recycling or saving the planet

It's because she doesn't care and she's showing it

Rather suspect a book I was given at Christmas came from a charity shop. I dont mind that as it was in good condition, I wouldnt appreciate a torn or dirty one unless it was an out of print edition of a book by a favourite author. It's in my pile of books I dont like enough to keep and will be heading for a charity shop sometime.

It's the thought that counts but sometimes the thought is I dont care about you enough to think of something you'd actually like, enjoy or benefit from.

"It's the thought that counts but sometimes the thought is I dont care about you enough to think of something you'd actually like, enjoy or benefit from."

This perfectly expresses it!

In which case the daughter should have mentioned this to her mother before christmas, either saying 'can we not do presents/only do small presents this year, I'm struggling for money,' or, if she was completely broke, even asking her mother to give her money for Christmas rather than a present.

Also OP has said she is low-waged while her dd has a professional salary, so no reason why dd couldn't actually have more disposable income than OP!

If you aren't materialistic and don't think the amount is what matters when exchanging presents, or care too much about the environment to buy things that aren't necessary, then once you're an adult you should make this clear to your family before Christmas. 'Let's not do presents this year, let's just enjoy spending time together.' Or 'Shall we just do small presents this year given the cost of living?'

Buying something incredibly cheap for someone else but then happily accepting a present worth approx 32x more is not being frugal or caring, it's being cheeky and tight!

In this case, the DD not only didn't say beforehand that they shouldn't exchange expensive presents, but didn't say anything afterwards when she realised her mother had spent much more on her. Anyone with basic decency would have been mortified and said "Oh mum you shouldn't have spent so much on me" etc.

Which shows the DD DOES like nice things, and values expensive gifts when they are for her, just doesn't think she should reciprocate. Which is less indicative of a thoughtful, caring, non-materialistic person, than of a selfish, tight one!

@AnnaSewell

I brought a satirical outrageous funny quirky book from a second hand stall stall run by a friends of local hospital to me,
when i had a routine hospital appointment,

I loved reading it,

and made the mistake of then bringing this book to a book group i used to go to with a well well being charity,

Book group was very popular thing amongst several wellbeing activities that went on there,
we would read all kinds of books contemporary ones and more serious ones classics like Hounds of Baskinvilles etc,

we work have quite interesting discussions come out of reading certain books..

@easylikeasundaymorn

"You've hit on the nail" with emotionally insightful post..

Hadn't thought 🤔 of it like that...

YABU for not disclosing the book title and author.