To be disappointed about the book?

[AnnaSewell]

My daughter is in her mid-twenties. For Xmas she bought me a slim paperback book. I thought at the time it was a fairly modest gift but thanked her and put it on one side.

This evening I picked it up to read. I found she had omitted to rub out the pencil price put in at the charity shop. The book had cost £2.49.

I would like to have been worth a tenner.

I agree. Seems a bit of an insult and upsetting.

Doesn’t sound like a lot of thought went into the gift at all and as there’s thing special about the book and it looks shabby I think it’s reacher an insult.
We often as a family exchange gift books that are second hand but they are books of special interest, too expensive new, but in good condition.
The point of a gift is to make the Giftee feel appreciated, surely, and I doubt the OP’s daughter would give a similar gift to a friend or work colleague.

D be absolutely delighted with a charity shop book. Im
massively in to secondhand and haven’t bought anything new other than pants and socks for at least two years now. I admire her low environmental impact gift. Well done that daughter!!

I’d love to know what gifts some of the people saying it’s a lovely gift to be delighted with actually got from their very close family or gave to their very close family members . Lots of money isn’t required to make a gift thoughtful , which this clearly wasn’t

As I said in my original response, I received a second hand book from my daughter for Christmas. It was nonfiction on a topic I’m interested in, and it’s a book I hadn’t come across.

I thought it was a very thoughtful gift. It was chosen because it suited what she knows I like, not just any random item, and it was more original than buying something of a best seller list. I read it and enjoyed it.

My DC has disabilities that means they don't understand presents or celebrations. I'm grateful for any gift they give me. I don't get bought cards or anything really so I treasure anything I get given. Sometimes I've had to pay for my own gift after they've chosen it.

Be grateful your DD cared enough to buy you something they thought you'd like.

I think the exact point is that it wasn't something she thought she'd like, it was any old crap AND cheap. Doubly insulting!

Some people just aren't very thoughtful when it comes to this kind of thing. I'm crap at buying presents but it doesn't mean I love my family any less than say my sister who is a really thoughtful gift giver. I'm good at picking out cards though!

@CactusMactus

Proud of her for buying her mother a gift? The absolute bare minimum? Why be proud of that? Perhaps we need to raise our standards of our young people

@LenaLamont the point being it was a book on a subject your child knew you would like and were interested in so totally different to the OP .

@Floralnomad - OP was only upset about the book when she saw the price. She'd had it for 4 months without comment to that point.

@pollymere

but OP’s daughter doesn’t have disabilities.

Why should Op be “grateful ” that her daughters cares about her? She should care about her, she’s her mother! Op doesn’t have to be grateful for that.

@LenaLamont OP was clearly underwhelmed by the gift when she received it but must have thought her daughter had a reason for choosing it but the price confirmed that it was just a cheap shabby second hand book and she naturally feels hurt and disrespected.

Lots of posters are saying that they would be happy with a charity shop present, but that doesn't seem to be OP's issue. She could see from the condition it wasn't new. She didn't comment on it being 2nd hand, she specifically noted the amount it cost. She was upset that her daughter spent such a paltry amount on her and was being a cheapskate. And it sounds like it made OP feel undervalued and a bit crap

Other posters have remarked there are issues in their relationship.

I'd be happy with charity shop books (or whatever) as gifts, but I understand where OP is coming from.

My daughter has given me IOU tokens a lot of the time as she struggling financially. Now she is on a bit more of an even keel I wouldn't dream of 'cashing' in those tokens. She does other stuff like if I go see her and want to take her to lunch she insists on paying. She writes me daft notes and draws me random pictures. Or if she sees something she thinks I will like she buys it. I always love my little gifts even if from a charity shop. Have you read the book? Could it be a nook that resonates with her about her childhood or about you? There could be a good reason she bought it

I think a book is a lovely gift. What a smart daughter you have to have found such a thrifty present. It's a breath of fresh air to receive something that isn't a pointless waste of cash.

I think context is everything here. Is OPs daughter going out every weekend, splashing money on nights out and clothes. If so OP is probably fair yo be a bit miffed. If OPs daughter is struggling financially then it's a bit unreasonable. OP hadn't given enough info for us to judge.

With 4 children, 3 of which never gift, I'd be delighted with any gift.

Daughter has a salary of approx £40,000. Doesn't drive. Hardly drinks alcohol. V unlikely on basis of general/past behaviour to be overdrawn paying off credit card bills. Couple of trips abroad each year. Eats out at restaurants a couple of times a month.

I am, in relative terms, more green in that I get a lot of clothing secondhand and mainly get books from libraries and charity shops. So new items are a treat.

The book was enjoyable in its way - though not a real 'discovery'

Most pertinent thing to let people know about your daughters situation in relation to the level of gift she gave you is you had a massive falling out and weren’t talking over politics and your differences in opinions. So this gift could be seen as a peace offering

Honestly the bar for how other people can treat women/mothers is so low it's on the ground.

Honestly you just sound a bit grabby and entitled. She has a better salary than you, doesn't mean you're entitled to her spending it on you. You usually buy books from charity shops and have likely passed that kind of "green" thinking onto her so she's thought "I'll get mum a book" and gone to where you usually get books from.

Gifts are about the thought, not the £ amount spent. In our house we often wait til after an event and then buy the chocolate or whatever half price in the post-event sale, because why would we spend double? Not a single one of us would be bothered about that.

It could also be seen as a “this is how much I think you’re worth” offering.

I'm with you, OP. I'd be really hurt if my child gave me only a charity shop find. Unless it was a book you really wanted and she cleverly happened across it.? My DS, 25 who still lives at home bought me a generic mothers day pot plant and no card, even though I asked for one. I think it was upsetting because no thought had gone into it. It's the one time when out kids can give a bit back and show appreciation for everything we do.
What did your daughter buy the other members of the family??

The problem with you asking for a card is that it can turn it into a chore, rather than something she wants to do for you. I love shopping for my mum, but I know she'll appreciate anything, be it a generic pot plant or a trip to Champneys. She wouldn't care if I didn't or couldn't do something one year. The same way I won't when my DD is old enough to do it for herself.

But what is happening at the moment is her dad (DH) is making it fun for her to go out and find things her mummy will like. It's not seen as a thing she has to do so as not to upset mummy.