To be disappointed about the book?

[AnnaSewell]

My daughter is in her mid-twenties. For Xmas she bought me a slim paperback book. I thought at the time it was a fairly modest gift but thanked her and put it on one side.

This evening I picked it up to read. I found she had omitted to rub out the pencil price put in at the charity shop. The book had cost £2.49.

I would like to have been worth a tenner.

Worthy’s? Ok.

No way would I have bought my mum just that, even as an out of work teenager, as a student, or now, when I've got some big bills and have to be quite careful! It's something I would prioritise unless I really had no cash whatsoever.

Your mother is very lucky.

What does 'gammon' mean @oakleaffy?

Assume you never give or gave your parents, or your DH's, any gifts then?

I love picking out and giving DM and DF presents and they seem to appreciate it.

How does anyone know that?

It wasn't a book by her favourite author at all

I would have thought the OP would know if that was her DD's stance on things

See, you put thought and love into that.

Which is the whole point...

You can do one with that 'Boomer' ageist crap.

Nothing to do with age.

And the daughter 'appears' to be in a better financial position than the OP

Nice...

I think it's bizarre to give expensive gifts to parents. I'm working hard to try and help my teenagers out with house deposits etc so it would be counter productive buying me expensive presents. So mine don't buy me gifts but they are thoughtful in other ways.
My mum on the other hand demands expensive gifts and nothing is ever good enough. She does also get me nice gifts to be fair but I would rather neither of us got each other gifts and I could use the money towards bills I'm struggling with. I just don't understand why parents want their adult children spending money on them.
I'm not a martyr, I just don't prioritise things. I would rather use any money towards security for my children eg driving lessons/ uni fees etc and I don't have an unlimited pot.

If this woman doesn't own a house then I definitely wouldn't want her buying presents unnecessarily. I'm not saying that view is wrong and people are entitled to feel hurt by crap presents if that's how they feel. I'm just saying that there are alternative views and not everyone is a fan of presents from adult children to parents. I'm very against it in my case.,

I buy for my children for the reasons above as in I'm trying to help them but I don't want them to help me.

It's the end of April. Think you need to get over it tbh.

I assumed OP had just picked up the book to read it

I don't think OP was expecting an expensive gift or one that would 'help' her out @Daisy12Maisie just not an incredibly stingy one. You couldn't buy a cup of coffee around here for £2.50. You might not understand why parents and children exchange presents, but it is something widely done and not at all unusual. This must be something OP and her daughter usually do. I haven't read OP's other threads but there is obviously much more to it.

Sounds like you need to have a proper chat with your mum where you explain firmly that you no longer want to give or receive presents and will be stopping from now on.

The OP is barely a few sentences and you still didn't manage to read it properly?

OP thought it was a bit of a rubbish gift at the time when she assumed it was a brand new book.
She only realised when picking it up to read it yesterday that it was from a charity shop and her dd hadn't even bothered to rub out the price. Which was why she only posted about it yesterday. She hasn't been ruminating on it for 4 months.

Mind you you're hardly the only one exhibiting mn lack of reading comprehension - a particular favourite are the posters who have stated as fact that the book was bought with meaning because the dd thought her mum would really love it or they could discuss it together and it was by her favourite author...when there is literally no evidence to support this - if anything if this was the case surely the dd would have said so at the time "Mum I read this book and loved it, I think you will as well, let me know when you've read it and we can chat about it." Whereas 4 months later she's never mentioned it!

Its as likely she didn't even pay the £2.49 and it was a book she already had on her shelf or picked up for free from the local book exchange last minute on 23 december when she realised she hadnt bought anything and was too tight to spring for a box of chocolates, than chose it with love and caring!

Even if she did, £2.49 for fucks sake. That won't even buy you a kids happy meal! From a grown woman on a professional salary, albeit one who is apparently being actively "tormented" by the COL crisis🙄

The book might be worth £10. The selling price of a thing doesn't always reflect its value.
If £2.49 is so offensive to your eye, rub it out and write on '£10'. Better still you could price '£20' and feel twice as happy with it.

Think it depends. Does she spend much on herself or is she very frugal? Is this typical for a gift?
I put a lot of thought into gifts and will buy year round so I don’t have all the expense over Nov & Dec and I’d like some thought put into presents given to me. It’s not the cost but the thought. So a date for a picnic or an afternoon for a walk somewhere special and a coffee are great gifts. A present from a charity shop if it’s something special or meaningful is fine. If it’s just a regular book, with no special significance then I’d be a bit hurt at the lack of thought. When I didn’t have money I was more creative with gift ideas.

Why not go a step further and write "this is an expensive necklace" on the book if we're encouraging OP breaks from reality?

ah so it might not have been a second-hand present, but a third, or fourth, or tenth-hand one? I'm sure that would make the OP feel much better!
Similarly, the DD might have paid more, but equally by that rationale she might have paid even less than £2.49.

A good book is priceless.

And?

I'm on a professional salary. I would still buy my mother a book if I thought she'd like it. My mother would be thrilled I'd thought of her.

In my time I've bought expensive gifts and experiences. I've also bought cheaper presents because they were also things she'd like.

Both my parents tell me they don't want me spending my money on them when there is more important things to spend it on (their words).

You sound like you have insecurities around your relationship with your daughter and your respective incomes, if you define worth by £s.

Wow! £2.49 for a slim paperback in charity shop??? She was swindled!

If she found a book you really loved reading, she did well.

But it's probably not about the cost of the present, it's about whether you feel valued by her?

Time to sit down and talk to your daughter.

I actively encouraged my children to go out and find me birthday and Christmas presents from Charity shops. But then I and they find it fun, low cost and you can never guess what gift they've chosen.

We - comfortably off family - generally do charity shop Christmas. Books, clothes, ornaments, gadgets, house stuff, board games, paintings, jigsaws... Everything. We'd spend more than that though, and we all do it. The money is going where it's needed, it's not onerous if you pop into them while passing to check out what they have from about September. Quite fun and not stressful. This year's finds included an unopened special edition Monopoly of the city where my daughter and son in law studied, a Tiffany poster in a lovely frame and an immaculate M and S wooly jacket/hoodie that my husband wears every day.

So I absolutely wouldn't have an issue with it being charity shop, but I think she could have got you 4 books for 10 quid..