To expect dd to be able to see a female nurse/dr at the sexual health clinic

[Bibpot]

Dd (15) has attended the sexual health clinic a couple of times before-both times she’s seen a nice female dr who put her at ease, talked to her non judgementally, checked safeguarding etc. We made another appt for her to discuss possible changes to pill and have an opportunity for further advice re sexual activity.

Arrived and were both surprised it was a male dr/nurse who called her through (and the first thing he said was can I speak to dd alone-previous dr asked dd if she wanted to be alone or with me) and said she didn’t feel comfortable talking to him. I explained this and he seemed a bit offended. Said there were no females available. Made another appointment and requested a female next time but I’m a bit shocked that it’s not standard practice to at least be told on booking appt that it will be a male.

Im second guessing myself a bit now-as an adult I would be ok talking to a male and I guess he is just as qualified and trained but it didn’t sit right with me that there were no females available for potentially vulnerable teens?

She'd have the opportunity for a chaperone if she was being physically examined, I think.

It is completely expected for any clinic to be able to offer a chaperone on request - the CQC would look very dimly on a service which didn't do this.

He may have been a gynaecologist. Most gynaecologists are male. Not because they are perverts; because they are medical professionals.

I used to work in a sexual health clinic and nobody would ever have been offended if you had requested a change of staff member! It wouldn't have been blinked twice at. Shame that you both had this experience because that's not the norm

Are most gynaecologists male?

Who said they were perverts? Most men aren't perverts. Many women still don't want to talk to them about their sexual health.

Doctors are doctors. I really don't think their sex makes a difference. There is a school of thought that says that female doctors can be more unsympathetic re gynae issues if they have personally never had problems with periods, pregnancy etc. I certainly met a very unpleasant female doctor at the Family Planning clinic when I was about 20, and I never went back.... always saw male GPs for contraception and smears from then on. It's all about the person, not about their sex.

Yes, in my (fairly extensive) history of NHS gynaecologists, the majority of consultants were male. Most nursing staff were female. In fact, I only remember two female gynaecologists.

If a woman doesn’t want to speak to a male medical professional she should state that. It may be that she has to travel to a different clinic or wait longer for an appointment though. Not sure why that’s so controversial?

I also thought this..

@KreedKafer again, irrelevant. The OP's daughter was attending a sexual health clinic. She's not you, going to this/that/the other appointment.
There aren't many 15 year olds who would feel entirely comfortable talking about sex with a man. A 15 year old we know NOTHING about. Happily she has been able to reschedule to a female, as is her right :)

I’d we are doing the whole “I’ve had more experiences with gynaecologists than you” thing, then I think I’ve got you.

I’ve had 9 pregnancies, two of them ectopic Requiring lengthy treatment. I’ve had recurrent miscarriage investigation. I’ve been through a fertility clinic, as well as having two very complex pregnancies, one of which lead to a fairly serious medical diagnosis (for me). Both had c-sections.

Almost everyone was male, with the exception of my second ectopic and my second c section. There may have been female consultants for my more routine stuff too, but I distinctly remember most of the staff being male.

Thanks all, I’ve got what I needed from this -namely that I was unreasonable to expect it without requesting it so will make sure to do that in future for certain appointments.

I am certainly not going to get into discussions regarding why she was going but I will say that (based on my limited experience and todays misunderstanding not withstanding) these clinics seem to be a very good resource and we are lucky to to have them.

Not true. Several studies, including one out this week, have shown that female patients get better care and have better outcomes, when seen by a female medical practitioners.

@Bibpot good for you for sticking up for your 15 year old daughter. I have done the same with both of mine.

We bloody shouldn't have to get used to it.
Some people's bar is so low.

Don’t lie. You edited the post, the edit history is there. How embarrassing for you. Would you like me to screenshot it? You look like a fool.

YABU to assume that there would be a female available. If you want a specific sex doctor, you need to ask when booking the appointment.

‘All genders’??? Wtf cult language is that? I assume you mean ‘both sexes’?

I assumed my DD (15) would be seen by a female HCP when she went to the sexual health clinic. She'd booked herself in and I just gave her a lift. She asked and stupidly I said it'd be a female nurse she'd see. Wrong. It was a male nurse but he was absolutely brilliant. She had an excellent experience. But lesson learnt for when she goes for a smear or needs an internal exam.

How brave of you both then, to admit how fucking thick you are.

You don’t need to explain yourself OP. And although it’s perfectly fine for the medical professional in these cases to check regarding whether the YP wants a parent/guardian present (due to Gillick Competency concerns presumably), he absolutely should not have been irritated once your DD confirmed she wanted you present.

Sorry I might not have been clear here-
I completely understand that there are elements of the appt that need to be conducted without a parent there-my surprise was that that was the first thing he said.
He wasn’t offended that she wanted me with her-more that she didn’t want to talk to him at all. Maybe that was just my perception-he made the new appointment regardless so I’m not really complaining about him.
Maybe I would have liked her to be able to happily accept a male clinician -soupdragon’s dd above seems a lot more confident but everyone’s different and I’d rather she got what she needed from the appt even if she has to wait longer than not feel she could speak openly.

Seems to be a lot of onus on the patient here.

Personally, something that I really rate about my GP is the times I’ve gone to see him about something that requires me to be physically vulnerable he has always said ‘oh I’ve booked a chaperone’. Never ‘do you want one?’ Just already thought of it and booked it. I don’t mean just vaginal examinations. It’s really thoughtful. It means a lot.

I know the rules around NHS chaperones (am NHS clinical staff myself) but I think we put too much onus on the patient.

It takes no thought at all to assume that a 15yr of girl will rather speak to a female dr or nurse. None. We need to make healthcare more accessible to young women, not less.

OP, your expectations were entirely reasonable.

Bollocks to that.

If a woman wants to only see a female medic for any reason, but particularly when it’s related to a women’s sexual health, that should be granted.

Yes, you might have to wait longer for the appointment, but this is why we must carry on campaigning to preserve the sex based rights of women and girls.