To expect dd to be able to see a female nurse/dr at the sexual health clinic

[Bibpot]

Dd (15) has attended the sexual health clinic a couple of times before-both times she’s seen a nice female dr who put her at ease, talked to her non judgementally, checked safeguarding etc. We made another appt for her to discuss possible changes to pill and have an opportunity for further advice re sexual activity.

Arrived and were both surprised it was a male dr/nurse who called her through (and the first thing he said was can I speak to dd alone-previous dr asked dd if she wanted to be alone or with me) and said she didn’t feel comfortable talking to him. I explained this and he seemed a bit offended. Said there were no females available. Made another appointment and requested a female next time but I’m a bit shocked that it’s not standard practice to at least be told on booking appt that it will be a male.

Im second guessing myself a bit now-as an adult I would be ok talking to a male and I guess he is just as qualified and trained but it didn’t sit right with me that there were no females available for potentially vulnerable teens?

Irrelevant. The appointment in question was at a sexual health clinic and it is perfectly fine that OP's daughter would like to speak with another female about her personal matters.

Why? The NHS has enough to pay for without providing chaperones for pointless reasons.

Are clinics just supposed to have women sitting around waiting to chaperone the odd teenager that wants it?

There is nothing wrong with your dd being seen by a man so no need for it.

I know you liked the person you saw first better but the male clinician was right, your DD should have been seen alone intitially for a quick chat to work out if she's being subject to abuse, if the.adult attending with them is who they say they are and what she's happy for the adult to know about her.

Clinics always try to have a range of staff on but more and more clinics are running with one member of staff these days and its.rubbish all round but often the best they can do. Its a shame she wasn't seen today but it sound like there's a plan in place.

If the gender of the clinician treating you is important to you, then the onus is on you to make a request at the time of booking the appointment. I think it's also important to understand that this may mean you have to wait longer for an appointment. It may be that they simply cannot accommodate your request for a female to treat you (there are certainly Gynae departments where all the consultants are male, for example) but if that's the case they could arrange for a female nurse/support worker/receptionist to act as a chaperone provided there were enough staff at the time to allow for this.

I’ve always been asked if I’d like a chaperone during intimate procedures with male doctors (I declined btw)

To all those saying Op's DD should just suck it up and see the man, she really shouldn't. Patient choice is really important and something that the health service should be able to accommodate, sadly everything is rubbish at the moment so sometime we can't all the time. We should though.

That’s just idiotic. I hope you don’t try to sue the NHS if it turns out to be something bad and they don’t catch it until it’s too late because you wouldn’t go to an appointment with a qualified medical professional.

Trust me, bowel cancer is a lot worse than having a male Dr doing a colonoscopy.

You'd rather risk not finding out you have bowel cancer than have a male doctor so it?

It was probably said because they don't have a female doctor to do it. As someone else said, they can only work with the staff they have.

I find that utterly bonkers too.

Removed from the list when they are looking to see if you have bowel cancer because they may not have a female?! Good god!

she didn’t feel comfortable talking to him. I explained this and he seemed a bit offended

Fair enough they didn't have a female member of staff available - but to be obviously offended that a child wasn't comfortable was wrong. Of course she's got the agency to refuse.

To be fair I'd be more concerned in finding out why a 15 year old child is having repeat visits to a sexual health clinic.

@Bibpot I was sexually assaulted by a male nurse. I was 54 and I couldn't quite believe what was happening, I thought I was imagining it and it took me a while to stop him. I always ask to see a female nurse/doctor now, it never bothered me in the past, I was happy to see anyone. I also take a chaperone in with me when possible. I'm glad your daughter has got you to accompany her and speak up for her. There is no shame in wanting to see a health care professional of the same sex. At 54 I was able to recover from my assault quickly, I was able to rationalise it, saw him for what he was, a disgusting pervert and knew I was in no way to blame. If I'd been younger I don't think I'd have coped the same.

Why would it be standard practice?

If you want to see a female doctor or nurse, you need to specify that when you make the appointment, rather than just assuming there will be one available for you or that the clinic can read your mind re. your DD's preferences. If there's a reason that your DD didn't want to talk to a man, of course she doesn't have to explain herself or justify it, but it's for you and/or DD to manage when you make the appointment. An appointment with a same-sex practitioner isn't a default for any branch of medicine.

Personally, this wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest when I was a teenager. It wouldn't have struck me as being odd at all to talk to a male doctor about stuff like periods and contraception. But my mum never minded seeing male doctors either, so it's what I grew up with.

I can see why the doctor seemed irritated - the clinics are really stretched and an appointment was wasted because you made an assumption.

I think you know that you need to request that in the future. I don’t know you’d think it was standard practice, of course they have male staff as seems reasonable they’d have as many male patients as female. But that DD also needs to understand that it won’t always be possible, and a medical professional is a medical professional.

Oh would you. Well to be fair that’s none of your business!

Better getting facts and support before something happens! Good on you for supporting her.

I think you have done the right thing, especially as your daughter is under age.
I work in the NHS, it not unusual for women to request female doctors. I don't think the person should have irritated.

That's irrelevant and, to be honest, just plain mean and judgemental.

We can only provide the staff that are available unfortunately. You can request but if there isn't any females working that shift then you'll have to rebook

We commonly have this in labour ward with husbands refusing male anaesthetists and male surgeons, we try our best to accomodate but it's often not possible as out of hours there's often only one obstetrician, there's often more than one anaesthetist working out of hours but if they aren't trained in obstetrics then unfortunately nothing we can do

When I worked in gp and at uni we were always advised we should see minors without their parents present (if male then female nurse chaperone) as its really common for kids to be scared to admit something in front of their parents (I remember seeing gynae at 17 with my mum in the room and it was awkward the many qs despite not being sexually active)... so yes asking to talk without a parent is normal and deemed best practice

I agree on the chaperone but that would usually be asked to the patient and as she’s underage he may have been trying to gauge the dynamics of her visit. Especially as he hasn’t seen her before.

She wouldn't be automatically assigned a female clinician at any other clinic relating to 'personal matters' either, though. It would certainly be in the OP's DD's best interests to get used to seeing male clinicians for 'personal matters', because if she ever needs to be seen by someone in obstetrics, gynaecology, internal ultrasound, breast clinics, GUM ,the more intimate branches of dermatology etc it's just as likely to be a man as it is a woman.

My gynaecologist is a man and so was the consultant I saw at a breast clinic recently.

@CheeryPye She might have been raped for all you know and be dealing with the physical aftermath.

Given that the majority of NHS staff are female and there are more female nurses than male ones I find it quite telling that the only medical staff member around to talk to a 15 year old girl about her sex life is a man. And a man who is OFFENDED that a female colleague is requested.

As for the PPs on here berating a sexual abuse survivor for deciding not to under go a medical procedure because of the lack of single sex care - shame on you all. It is the NHS at fault - not the patient.

YANBU OP.

It’s not even necessarily an indicator that someone is sexually active, although many 15 year olds are.

It’s not the 15 year olds attending a sexual health clinic we should worry about, it’s the ones not attending the clinic (but having sex anyway) that we should worry about.

Although the gender of the nurse is completely irrelevant.