To expect dd to be able to see a female nurse/dr at the sexual health clinic

[Bibpot]

Dd (15) has attended the sexual health clinic a couple of times before-both times she’s seen a nice female dr who put her at ease, talked to her non judgementally, checked safeguarding etc. We made another appt for her to discuss possible changes to pill and have an opportunity for further advice re sexual activity.

Arrived and were both surprised it was a male dr/nurse who called her through (and the first thing he said was can I speak to dd alone-previous dr asked dd if she wanted to be alone or with me) and said she didn’t feel comfortable talking to him. I explained this and he seemed a bit offended. Said there were no females available. Made another appointment and requested a female next time but I’m a bit shocked that it’s not standard practice to at least be told on booking appt that it will be a male.

Im second guessing myself a bit now-as an adult I would be ok talking to a male and I guess he is just as qualified and trained but it didn’t sit right with me that there were no females available for potentially vulnerable teens?

I think ideally you'd be able to request a same sex Dr but given shortages everywhere, I just don't think its realistic/guaranteed to expect it everywhere for every teen or young person unfortunately.

Sounds like it was handled well though, new appt booked.

Hope your DD gets sorted

You can request a same sex doctor when booking an appointment.

If you don't say they will assume you aren't bothered.

Just say next time.

I mean the sexual health clinics where I live provide services to patients of all genders - they do contraception, STI tests and treatment, pregnancy advice, PrEP. I can well imagine that an 18 year old gay man might prefer to have a male doctor to discuss his sexual activities with. Or maybe most patients just aren't bothered (2/3 times I've had a coil implanted or removed it's been done by a male doctor). The clinics can only work with the staff they have, and perhaps only one doctor was working that day. You can express a preference but then may have to wait longer for an appointment.

Incidentally I had endometriosis when I was a teen and was seen by two (male) gynaecologists who were frankly amazing.

They were so helpful and well informed. I was put at ease straight away.

Yes I get all that. I probably should have said on booking but following the good experience the first couple of times I assumed it would be the same.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I had a younger male nurse for my HRT check and it really put me on the back foot because I've always had a female GP or nurse before. There were things I'd wanted to talk about that I didn't.
I don't think your DD is unusual in feeling awkward in this situation.

They can only work with the staff they have. If there are no females there that day then there’s no females.

I think if you were so bothered about having a female doctor then you should have asked to book in with one on the phone and not waste an app because your child didn’t want to talk to a male when you got there.

If there’s none available then there’s none available. They can’t magic one out of thin air. There might have been loads of boys in that day grateful to have a male doctor to talk to for a change. If you have a preference then check beforehand 🤷🏼‍♀️

You need to request a female doctor to be sure next time. I've seen many male doctors for issues relating to my reproductive health and you don't get told beforehand, but I can see why a 15 year old girl wouldn't want a man to discuss this topic. Ideally they should have let you know it was a man she was seeing this time but they are probably under no obligation to.

My son never gets male staff.

I totally get you and your DD, but I think this is something we will have to get used to. A Dr is a Dr. There is a shortage and lots of people on long waiting lists.
What I think he should have done better is asking your DD if she wanted to go in alone or accompanied, rather than asking to see her on her own. I know some teens go shy and they have to ask questions that the teen may be hiding from the parent, but I always had the nurses sending me outside for a sec when that is the case.

Please, do go to that appointment! They are trying to make sure your health is ok, why would you care which bits the person helping you have?

Yes I’m more than happy to step outside during the appointment-dd prefers that too I was just a bit thrown by him asking immediately.
I do feel bad about wasting the appointment.

You can have this under full sedation (general) if that would help?

(I appreciate it might not, sorry)

That's disgusting. Have you tried complaining to PALS?

You certainly can ask, but if there is no-one female on shift then there's nothing they can do but turn you away. They certainly would give a female if one was available.
I can understand a teen girl finding talking to a man about this stuff a bit awkward. Also if she needed examining or treating even more so.
Of course they are fully qualified, and it would be good to reassure her they are just as professional as a woman and see/talk about this stuff all day every day. I have to say I always remember being seen by females in the sexual health clinic. Even as an adult I might at least initially want the examination to be done by a woman. But if she needs to see them, she shouldn't let it put her off attending. Hopefully there will be a woman there next time.

I had a colonoscopy recently. My doctor happened to be male but I didn't think twice about it. The only time he saw me when I wasn't fully clothed was when I was under general anesthetic anyway. He couldn't have been nicer or more reassuring, both before and at the follow up appointment.

In the sexual health clinic? I'm sure he would be able to if he asked. Has he asked?

YABU and you aren’t doing your dd any favours by teaching her that she can’t be treated by men. What if she ends up having a male midwife, or consultant, or surgeon?

That's shit, OP. But you have done a brilliant job advocating for your DD and teaching her to set her own boundaries she is comfortable with.
Too many, like always happens on here, are quick to dismiss other women's feelings and tell them to put up and shut up which is very, very problematic.
Who cares that the professionals 'see this day in day out', 'they could be offended', 'oh well I had the other sex treat me and they were soooo much better'! It's the patient's comfort which is paramount.

I will certainly discuss these things with her but in the moment it was just a surprise to us both. Probably shouldn’t have been and I take the blame for not asking at booking but I’d hope in all those situations in the future (when she will hopefully be past the awkward teenager phase) there should at least be the opportunity for a female chaperone if needed?

It's unreasonable if you didn't mention it when booking the appointment

I do accept that. Lesson learned.