…to leave a lovely friendship group because of one person?

[Ndujauser]

A bit of background - I’m part of a group of friends who met through a hobby. Six of us to start with, now down to five. Friend six has distanced herself from the group, but some of us see her individually.
We’ve had an annual weekend away together for a few years, plus a few weekends doing our shared hobby, the odd meal out with partners. This year is a big birthday for two of the group, and a more lavish weekend than our usual kind of thing is being planned. All good, except for I’m finding it really difficult to deal with one of the group, let’s call her Sue. She is awful. Rude, lazy, self obsessed, and getting worse. I’ve recently found out from friend six that she left the gang because she feels the same as me about Sue.
The other three women in the group are fantastic, and put up with Sue (because they are nicer people than I am). I’d love to get away for a big weekend with them, but the thought of having to shell out loads of money and have to put up with this mardy baggage isn’t filling me with enthusiasm.
What shall I do? Go along, and keep smiling through gritted teeth? Make an excuse not to be there? Or do what friend six did, and push off out of it?
All suggestions gratefully received.

I'm afraid this happens all the time OP. It happens in friend's groups, workplaces, book groups...everywhere. You get a nice bunch of people, with a nice dynamic, and then boom, someone shows up and ruins everything. And nine times out of ten they're oblivious to the fact. They don't think they're horrible. They think they're great – or just don't think about it at all.

I would send a message saying
"I'd like to come away with you all but I want to state now that (going on previous experience), we need to agree that we're splitting all costs equally and rooms will be allocated before we arrive to stop any animosity."

Oh sorry, I see you've already taken action....☺️

No, Sue was there from the start. She didn't turn up and ruin it. They should've been clearer on splitting bills and tasks.

Definitely don’t go away with them all - your time and money are worth more than this. Also not really fair on the rest of the gang. I’d avoid making big decisions, take each event as it comes. If you fancy it join in but if not don’t. If you’re organising something for you feel free to invite a couple of the others but don’t feel under pressure to include Sue. These friendship groups are often so much hassle! Good luck :)

Could this person have additional needs? I say this because my sister has dyspraxia and can seem like she’s oblivious to some things. She never offers to pay or help and leaves empty crisp packets and drinks can lying around rather than binning them. She’s not a terrible person though. She will gladly help, pay or clean up after herself if prompted. It’s a combination of a lack of confidence to take charge in social situations and feeling overwhelmed so needing specific instructions. Maybe go on the trip and try asking her nicely to do things. It’s sad if one person loses the friendship of the whole group.

OP given by how willing the group is to make plans without this lady it would appear that they too have had enough of her. I wonder how this lady would react if she found out that she has been excluded mind you. She sounds like a drama llama so I imagine a dramatic response from her may be on the cards.

I don't understand how 5 grown women have allowed someone to take the piss and not pay their way for so long!

If you enjoy the others company & want to go then go & avoid 'Sue' as much as possible. Call her out on her behaviour, like when it's time to tidy up suggest jobs for her or remind her at the bar it's her round. Encourage the others to pull her up too if she's not pulling her weight or being rude so it's not all on you.