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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Our neighbour (in the flat below) has asked we stop talking at 9:45pm at night?

202 replies

DoingTheMumThing101 · 22/04/2024 16:31

We live in a shared townhouse and the couple downstairs have asked that my partner & I stop talking at 9:45 pm in the evening because they can hear us? We have only been living here for 1 week and get the kids to bed early, we are then woken up by them below speaking at 6am. AIBU?

OP posts:
FreeRider · 22/04/2024 21:09

I had this with my last downstairs neighbour.

He used to whinge about anyone who walked in my flat. Just walking. If I was sat in the living room talking, he'd put music on so loud the floor would shake. He used to abuse anyone who walked up the stairs to get to my flat... the postman, visitors, any delivery people...as they went past his door he'd open it and shout abuse at them. I had so many complaints, it was unreal - like I could control what he did! I had carpets and thick rugs throughout the flat, I'm half deaf so never had music playing...there was literally NOTHING I could have done to limit the amount of noise I was making...I was in the flat on my own 90% of the time!

It all came to a head one New Year's Eve. I'd had my ex husband come around to visit and he'd left at about 10pm. Downstairs neighbour was so incensed that I'd had a visitor - and was talking to them - that he went outside and started throwing eggs at my living room windows. He was then in the communal hallway yelling abuse up the stairs, threatening to kill my cats and beat my boyfriend up. That went on for about an hour. I got my ex husband to come back, pick me and my boyfriend up and we spent the night at his flat. I called the Police and the Housing Association, who immediately said they'd take him to court (turned out he'd done the same to 4 previous occupants of my flat). As a result of the court case, an order with immediate powers of arrest was inforce for 3 years, however I demanded that the HA rehome me asap, and with the added support of my GP and psychiatrist, it happened within 6 months. I spent 3 of those months staying at my ex's flat and sent my cats 200 miles away to stay with my boyfriend.

Long story short, you need to nip this shit in the bud straight away. Tell them that, no, you will not stop talking at 9.45pm and if they don't like it, tough shit.

Redpaisely · 22/04/2024 21:27

DoingTheMumThing101 · 22/04/2024 16:31

We live in a shared townhouse and the couple downstairs have asked that my partner & I stop talking at 9:45 pm in the evening because they can hear us? We have only been living here for 1 week and get the kids to bed early, we are then woken up by them below speaking at 6am. AIBU?

Tell them to first stop talking in the mornings until 9 am.

LauderSyme · 22/04/2024 21:35

This thread is funny! I am cackling loudly with mirth. Better fill my boots in the next ten minutes 😉

isthesolution · 22/04/2024 21:36

Yeh I'd say 'oh I wondered if you could hear us as well. I apologise that we are disturbing you. The sound insulation most be horrendous- we can hear you quite loudly from 6am. We'll definitely be aware that the noise is carrying and hopefully you can do the same'

Daisybuttercup12345 · 22/04/2024 21:38

Herefishiefishie · 22/04/2024 17:02

Exactly this 😂

Perfect response.

WhompingWillows · 22/04/2024 21:40

Only five minutes to carry on talking, everyone.

Thedogscollar · 22/04/2024 21:45

You have one minute @DoingTheMumThing101 😉
Your neighbours are nuts.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 22/04/2024 21:46

Tell them that you will stop talking at 9.45pm if they don't talk until 9am in the morning.

mathanxiety · 22/04/2024 21:49

Utterly bonkers.

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 22/04/2024 21:49

Counter offer 9 til 9 silence... Then play music til 11. They didn't mention singing....

dutysuite · 22/04/2024 21:50

No way. Years ago I had awful neighbours, so much so that we ended up attending mediation, sadly the husband had recently had a stroke so his wife and unbelievably the mediators asked me to put my children to bed at 6pm as her husband liked to be bed for 7pm. I found this a totally unreasonable request and besides I was not going to live my life to fit in with my neighbours life!

mathanxiety · 22/04/2024 21:51

Read this thread aloud at 10pm tonight.

Sit on the floor for greatest impact.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 22/04/2024 21:52

I hope you've been quiet for the last 7 minutes 😂

FuckTheClubUp · 22/04/2024 21:53

Sorry WHAT?😂

I laughed at the title when I saw it on the home page. They cannot be serious? OP, how did they verbalise this extreme request? I can’t believe someone would be so crazy

tillytown · 22/04/2024 21:54

What kind of house/flat do you live in? Being woken up by people just talking normally every morning sounds like hell. You all must be able to hear every little thing each other does

Roomination · 22/04/2024 21:55

Are you renting or have you bought the flat? If you are renting do you have a tenancy agreement? It should have a section on noise that you can quote from. It’s clearly an unreasonable request and not anything a council noise nuisance department would take seriously unless you are constantly shouting loudly .

i rent and the tenancy specifies no washing machines etc between 10pm-7 am, no music, tv etc that can be heard from outside or is causing a disturbance to neighbours. But normal speaking, normal music, tv sound is classed as flat living.

I think tackling this straight away might be a good idea unless they appear aggressive. Would it be possible to ask to meet them to talk about this? Yes, they’re unreasonable and the insulation is obviously poor, but maybe there’s something you can both do to try dampen the sound that travels up and down?

Beatrixslobber · 22/04/2024 22:00

Sssh

SabreIsMyFave · 22/04/2024 22:01

@GalileoHumpkins · Today 17:22

I agree with them, any noise after 9.45 is extremely antisocial and annoying. Could you not text each other instead of talking?

Are you being ironic? (I hope so!)

Expecting someone to not TALK after 9.45pm is batshit!

Yeah don't talk very loud, or yell across the flat, and don't play loud music after that time (please.) But don't TALK? What the F?!

olivebranch31 · 22/04/2024 22:02

I'd rather hear talking at 9.45 than 6 in all honesty

GalileoHumpkins · 22/04/2024 22:06

SabreIsMyFave · 22/04/2024 22:01

@GalileoHumpkins · Today 17:22

I agree with them, any noise after 9.45 is extremely antisocial and annoying. Could you not text each other instead of talking?

Are you being ironic? (I hope so!)

Expecting someone to not TALK after 9.45pm is batshit!

Yeah don't talk very loud, or yell across the flat, and don't play loud music after that time (please.) But don't TALK? What the F?!

You should have kept reading!

TheBeesBollox · 22/04/2024 22:08

Communicate after 9.45pm using interpretive dancing.
Clog dancing, obvs.

Or make noises. Not particularly loud noises, but weird ones. Things that will drive them mad wondering what the hell it is.

DodoTired · 22/04/2024 22:14

LOL. They are insane 🤣

AmethystSparkles · 22/04/2024 22:16

It is a nightmare living in this type of flat though. I lived in one for three years and luckily my neighbour was single and rarely had friends over, and myself and DS are really quiet. If he had any visitors over it was unbearable even if they were just talking.

LauderSyme · 22/04/2024 22:17

Now I'm thinking about how to make difficult-to-identify noises.
Run chopsticks along the fronts of your radiators.
Chuck handfuls of uncooked rice and pasta on the uncarpeted floor.
Snap bits off polystyrene cups.
Pop bubble wrap in orchestra with DP.

Roomination · 22/04/2024 22:19

Yes, inexplicable but not overly loud noises are really baffling and weird. In a flat I used to rent, the woman who lived above, got home from work each evening and it sounded like she was scattering the contents of a box of pins over the floor. Just one burst of pin scattering and that was it. I never found out what the heck that was . Something for OP to consider .

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