Invited friend extending invitation.

[Treesandsheepeverywhere]

Hi, I invited a friend to come and stay for a long weekend. She'll be travelling around 400 miles/under 2 hour flight if that helps.

She has extended the invitation to Mabel.

There was no invitation for Mabel.

Mabel is her Maltese dog.

We don't have pets and live in a small two bed.

I think this is quite rude as I now have to be the bad one "uninviting" Mabel.

Do pet owners assume this when they get an invitation?

Her reply has brought back memories I'd forgotten of her cf behaviour from when she visited 3 years ago
.
She was then meant to leave on the Sunday evening, but when I started preparing to say goodbye, she announced she'd now leave on Monday instead because of made up xyz. Poured herself a glass of wine and spread out on the sofa.
DH and I had been looking forward to a relaxing evening but figured she must be going through stuff and couldn't really throw her out.

She left after we'd got back from work. Can't believe it as I write it!
And regretting extending the invitation.

Goes without saying, I used to be a people pleaser. How do I say no without looking like the bad one, which is her intention?

I being U to say No?

Thanks.

What did she say? How did she put it?

Best reply is to follow on from whatever she said

Eg sorry, I think there's been a misunderstanding, your dog can't come. If this means you have to cancel, I understand. We can rearrange for a time you can get a dogsitter

YANBU. Tell her the dog will not be welcome so she is not to bring it. If she can no longer visit, you understand. Your friend is a total CF.

She just sounds like a CF all round to be honest. I don’t think this is a pet owner thing. Dunno why you’re friends with her TBH

Why did you invite her in the first place?? Doesn’t sound like you like her that much!
Just tell her she can’t bring the dog and see how it goes from there I guess?

This is not a pet owner thing, she is just rude and presumptive. Write back and tell her you do not allow pets in your house. Make up a fur allergy if you have trouble just saying no.

The dog doesn’t know so it isn’t you “uninviting Mabel”

just tell her she can’t bring the dog, and that she needs to leave at the agreed time this time as you have another commitment

As a dog owner I'd never assume this. I'd not ask either. Sometimes people may assume I am bringing the dog as I am single and have usually lived alone, so I might say 'I'll see if I can get a dog sitter' and quite often people will reply and say 'Oh no It's fine, fluffbutt can come!' but I'd never assume.

Please be blunt and polite ASAP - state reasons EG you are allergic etc but loving to see you, but sorry not the dog

YANBU

YANBU, she is a CF. Do you even want her to visit? I would just cancel, say it no longer works for you.

If your dog was actually called Fluffbutt I’d insist you brought them

If you knew she'd be travelling with her dog then presumably you'd have known she'd be bringing it to your house, so I'm going to assume she left that part out.

I'd just say you didn't realise she was travelling with Mabel, and you don't want a dog staying so unfortunately she'll need to adjust her plans. You don't even need to justify it.

Why would it be a pet owner rather than a your friend thing?

First reply is perfect.

Just reply to her and say ''oh I forgot about Mabel, are you able to get a dog sitter for that weekend or we can arrange another date that suits''

Then just don't arrange another date 😂 as there's no way she'll get a dog sitter.

Dog lover here
No way would i assume dog was invited

Yes, just keep it short and clear that she cannot bring the dog. Don't give complicated reasons why, which she'll try and get around. Just say sorry, we can't accommodate Mabel, we understand if that means you can't come.

This!!

Honestly, I would uninvite them both. Hi CF, I am very sorry but something is after happening and we are unable to host you and Mabel on such a weekend or for the near future. I will be in touch soon when we are back in a position to host and we will fix a date then. Sorry about that. Talk soon

@paintingvenice I had a hamster called that once! I think my dog might be rather insulted by it though

It wouldn't bother me... I don't think. I'd be happy to gave Mabel as long as toilet trained!

Is she putting Mabel in the hold? That's very unfair on Mabel.

I suggest she doesn't come due to putting Mabel through unnecessary stress.

She's being a CF.

I have dogs, but I'd never take them to stay with anyone without making 100% certain that they were genuinely welcome.

This is so wrong really. Why do people think it's the same as a child coming too? I would just decline, because if she can be so rude about this then I'm sure she's going to do other CF stuff when she comes.

I honestly do not understand this question at all- "How do I say no without looking like the bad one, which is her intention " looking like the bad one to whom? yourself- hardly, Mabel - next time you see her you buy her off with a treat, bribery works fine with dogs, your idiot friend who automatically assumes she's travelling and staying with you with her dog for days, I wouldn't even bring my dog to a friends house for a coffee unless she told me to bring her. Even then i'd probably say no or are you sure.
It doesn't matter how you phrase it , the friend according to you she has form for doing what suits her, so just firmly say no. Don't let her talk you around by making excuses. Just go with the short sharp pulling off sticking plaster approach, I was so surprised when you mentioned bringing your pet, the invite was for you to come absolutely not your dog. You cannot bring Mabel.

Not unreasonable to say sorry, the dog can't come. But it sounds as though she gets on your nerves generally - why have you invited her at all?

YANBU at all and I wouldn't call her a friend if I were you
She's rude, self absorbed and presumptuous.
Do not worry about seeming harsh!
As a dog owner, it wouldn't even cross my mind that an invitation would extend to him!
Shut this idea down right now and tell her your invitation didn't include the dog as you're allergic.

As a dog owner I would never just assume doggo was invited. But then I wouldn't take doggo on a flight!