To think it’s rude not to wave your guests goodbye?

[Pastelbuttercream]

I was brought up to always wave guests goodbye at the door and only shut the front door once they had driven off. This was the norm when I was growing up, everyone did it. If they were not parked near your house you’d walk to their car and wave them off there.

The amount of people who do not do this anymore surprises me. I always feel it’s rude but maybe I am out of touch?

If you don’t wave your guests off, why not? (besides having to close the door incase your toddler runs out, this I completely understand!)

Am I old fashioned? Is this not a thing anymore?

It seems 'manners' have been re-branded as 'people pleasing' and are now something to be sneered at. Lovely.

I thought this was a fun thing we did as children, waving grandparents off, I remember we used to chase the car down the street as they left, then wave from our frount window too

Maybe 'people pleasing', but if it makes the host happy after they've made the effort to entertain you, why not.
We aren't all self-obsessed; some of us will do things to please people. We aren't all so selfish that we cannot modify our behaviour temprarily to make someone happy.

It is not a social faux-pas.

Definitely the polite thing to do, unless you know the person dislikes it.

No, as the person in the car you feel the need to hurry up, so they can go in again. Just say bye at the door.

I can vaguely remember people doing this, although my grandparents didn’t.

It’s kind of annoying for guests isn’t it? You can’t faff and get sorted in peace.

I find the focus on manners on Mumsnet very interesting. Manners are just a set of conventions that vary across cultures and evolve over time. They don't always have a practical reason beyond the convention that might bind us together as a society. For example, waving someone off has no practical purpose- unless you live in a war zone it's unlikely you're not going to be safe getting to your car and driving away.

It's interesting on this thread that it makes some people uncomfortable to do this, which is the exact opposite of what manners should be.

Fwiw I have never done this, wasn't brought up to do so and don't really understand the point. I don't think this makes me ill mannered, and I doubt anyone who comes to my house is remotely bothered either way. For context I am in my early 50s

It’s not people pleasing, it’s because she wants to set up her Sat nav in peace

Doesn’t usually happen to me but in that situation I’d feel pressure to pack up the car and pull off 😄 I’d definitely have to find somewhere to pull in down the road to get my drink bottle, do my sat nav etc.

My grandparents used to wave us off when we were kids but I thought that was just because they were so obsessed with us and we thought it was funny. Don’t remember anyone else doing it really.

It's embarrassing.

Oh sorry op I hate this. We don't do it in my family, it just seems so drawn out and pointless 🙈

Would the reason you're left waiting for them to answer door not be due to reasons of poor health?

Oh god is that why you do it? My mil does this alongside kind of groaning, sighing and wringing her hands and wet kisses umpteen times. It's. So horribly awkward to the point I was glad to have children to use as a shield or because they get bored of theatrics.

Same here.

I walk people to the door, say my goodbyes, wave them off and then go back inside. I wouldn't wait until they had left.

I don't have a driveway so people have to park on the street. I wouldn't walk them to their car unless we were continuing a conversation or needed help carrying something because I like to have time to organise myself in the car and presume others are similar.

If I'm dropping someone off home, I don't leave until I've seen them go into their house though just In case there's a problem of some sort.

I think people would quickly give up this practice if they had to wait for me to wrangle my two into their car seats.

I think you've hit the nail on the head. Used to be just get in car, engine on, wave and go. It's a bit sad that people are now so irritated by something that used to be seen as a polite and caring thing to do. We always wave off guests, it would just feel rude to shut the door on people who've travelled a distance to visit us.

😆
Love the little 'intolerant' sitting on it's own.

I'm not sure why it's there though. If someone did it to me I wouldn't be shouting at them from the car telling them to close the door. I'm not that bad!

I would feel pressured into driving off asap - when I would rather sit for a wee while first. I'm the classic introvert who's energy is used up by spending time with people, so I just want a bit of time before driving away. It's a waste of the hosts time and it's certainly not benefiting me.

I'll walk people to the door and talk until they get in the car. Then I leave them to it. Waiting on the doorstep until they drive out of sight just feels weird and like I'm keeping tabs on them until they leave. I only do it for my parents, and that's because they're old fashioned and expect it, and also my son likes to wave at them.

Well I’m clearly old fashioned but I like the waving off ritual when we’ve been visiting our older folk. It signals they’re not in a rush to shut the door and be rid of us as fast as possible :)

I don't like being waved off, especially if I've got the children. I've got to strap them both into the car, and having people standing at the door makes me feel rushed because I don't want to inconvenience them by making them wait for me to get sorted.

I agree that waving off is the polite thing to do, and I try to do it.

However, we have a house that takes forever to heat, and costs a fortune to heat. I can't bring myself to stand on the doorstep for 5+ minutes letting all the heat out while my guests settle in their cars, plug in their phones, set their sat nav systems, strap the kids in etc etc etc. So I generally say something about "won't stay at the door as all the heat will go out" and nervously leave them to it! I guess the alternative would be for us to stand on the drive (front door shut) to wave them off, but that is a big faff with small kids!

I do this for guests who have come a long way or for a longer stay. I do get your point but I don't think it's exactly rude not to.

I do what you do but couldn't care less if I don't have the same done for me 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree. It's not people.pleasing. it's an extra layer of faff required when someone is standing over you waiting for you to leave.

Any perceived courtesy/consideration on the part of the host is negated by the extra level of inconvenience of having to drive away before you're ready and having to find somewhere convenient to pull over further up the road surely?