To not buy into 'work family' bollocks

[Gweither]

Does your workplace describe itself as a 'work family'? Do you subscribe to this kind of thing?

I ask because my work does and up until recently I was all for it and felt it was a bit of a family of sorts.

But I've had my eyes opened to various things in the work environment in past couple of months that I won't give loads of detail on in case outing (politics, people being sidelined, a few people being managed out of the business)

Last year they had us all open our hearts and make ourselves vulnerable in the name of team bonding and work family at an away day. Heard some really difficult personal stories from colleagues. Part of me wishes we'd not all had to go to that vulnerable place knowing what I know now.

Maybe IABU and this is a standard part of work culture these days?

Nope and I wouldn’t work anywhere like that. There are people I have worked with for years that I know next to nothing about on a personal level as they don’t share that info. I talk generically about my DH and DC as in ‘oh I’m off tomorrow as it’s DD’s school play’ or ‘DH and I are going to X place in town for dinner has anyone been?’ type thing but truly personal stuff, like traumatic memories etc. No.

Unless you own the business you are only a number and will be replaced within days usually if you leave, it isn’t a family.

Work family that can make you redundant if they don't need you anymore. I don't feel like the loyalty goes both ways with an employer. If that was actual family, it would affect my relationship with them, so I don't buy into it myself. I can enjoy the relationships while there, but not lose sight of the fact it's a workplace and employment.

OP, you might enjoy some of the advice on the site Ask A Manager. The woman who runs it is also very leery of “but we’re more like family than work!” type rhetoric!

I have some colleagues in genuinely quite close to, but I also realise that my employer coughs Ava would replace me tomorrow if I got hit by a bus.

I don't subscribe to all that bullshit. I've always found that treating team members fairly, with respect, making them feel valued, and paying them what they are worth (as much as possible) generally engenders a nice working atmosphere.

Nobody has to know anybody else's deep dark secrets. It's work, not therapy. People exchange time for money, I try to make it as painless and enjoyable as possible.

I used to call a close colleague my work mum cos she always used to bring me food in which I loved cos she was a good cook. And there are other colleagues that I am close to too. I even lodged with one of the managers but it worked as we kept home and work separate. But I wouldn't be up for sharing my inner most thoughts etc.... at team away days. That kind of thing wouldn't be deemed appropriate in my work place anyway.

Total crap that cons people to work longer/harder for the benefit of the organisations.

It’s totally irresponsible and utter bullshit. Every single employee would be dispensed with without a backwards glance if it suited the organisation.

I have no interest whatsoever in my colleagues. I'm nice to them but I don't give a flying fuck about their lives. Work is what I do to pay the mortgage my colleagues aren't my friends, let alone my family. Fuck that.

In my last job I formed close friendships, but I don’t engage with company bullshit.

Work family ❌
Bring your whole self to work ❌
Share your lived experience ❌
All other such nonsense ❌

My manager knows if I have an issue I believe she can help with, I make it known. Otherwise she just ticks okay on the welfare question, we have a general chat and we move right along.

If you left tomorrow you would not be missed after a week , yes a few colleagues would text / call for a while to be nosy then that would be it . You would be a ghost - forgotten about unless you did something really wild / bad . Tell them nothing as knowledge is power .

The company I had worked at for over ten years (& progressed my career well in this time) introduced this culture. After foolishly trusting the process and the people I learnt very quickly how fake this culture was. I left shortly afterwards. I am now self employed.
Be guarded with what you share is my advice FWIW.

Nah total nonsense.

I work in HR and every HR Manager I’ve worked with has been very clear that our workplace is just that, and at the end of our contracted hours we go back to our actual families. They have all had very, very clear boundaries about where work ended and personal began.

Trying to convince workers that they’re all best buds and “bring your whole self to work” just means lines get blurred too easily.

Of course they'd replace you! Or is your role surplus to requirements?

Should there be a period of mourning during which the workforce struggle with understaffing?

I can’t be arsed with any of this work family bollocks. Colleagues, fine. Being kind and considerate to each other, fine.
Sharing personal stories for bonding, fuck that. I have a few made up stories for ice breakers when asked to tell me an interesting fact as I like to keep my personal life private

And who or what is "coughs Ava"?

I once worked for a small company and one of the longest-serving employees described it as a family. It wasn’t really though. Whenever someone was due to leave, I used to feel sad and wonder how on Earth we’d manage without them. But once they’d actually left, for me it was pretty much a case of “out of sight, out of mind”.

Eventually, most of us were made redundant due to a serious drop in revenue. I stayed friends with one woman for a while, but I haven’t spoken to her for at least three years now.

I’m currently part of a smallish team in a large organisation. I used to see three of my team members as potential lifelong friends, but I’ve since changed my mind. One drinking buddy became distant after she got promoted, while another pissed me off by having a go at me in a couple of team meetings. She’s always had a bit of a temper but I stupidly thought she’d never turn it on me! The third colleague is an absolute diamond who I admire greatly, but we don’t really have a lot in common.

I’ve never worked anywhere that describes itself as ‘work family’ but i’ve made a lot of my closest friends at work. I don’t have a particularly close relationship with my actual family though.

Yanbu. We definitely don't go in for manufactured over-sharing. Ghastly idea. Why on earth do companies do this stuff !!

However, there is a group of us who have been at the company a few years or more, who rely on each other, know each other well and have each others' backs. But that has happened gradually & naturally.

Nope, YANBU. This is not appropriate- having you share vulnerable personal stories -
I LOATHE the “work family” b.s. … it’s manipulation, in my eyes. I don’t trust that for a second.

Totally agree with the op

Work is a political game, they are not family, you cannot trust anyone.

Yuk. That sounds hellish!

I have pondered that my work is like a family. There's the sibling I bicker with, the cousin who is a bit of a twat and, of course, uncle knobhead. I can't get away from these people (until I leave) so it has it's own dysfunctional family comparisons.

I’ve always worked for the NHS, which you’d think was a caring organisation for staff. It isn’t.

Gosh yes, the 'bring your whole self to work'. My DS tried that after the sudden breakdown of her marriage and the unexpected sudden death of her STBXH. She was then told that she was making her colleagues uncomfortable and to avoid showing her emotions either at work or when working from home. They didn't actually want any part of herself except the productive employee part.

I’ve heard of such training courses. I think it’s absolutely inappropriate.

“bring your whole self to work” has been corrupted rather similarly to how “be kind” was. It started off well - the idea was that people shouldn’t have to hide who they are. Gay people could refer to their partner by name without worry, autistic people could bring their different way of thinking in, etc. But it’s morphed in to something where you’re expected to expose your colleagues to all of who you are outside work, and that is bollocks.

I don’t like to share much, and I expect to still be treated well. I can work closely with someone, rely on them, give them a bit of grace when they’re having a bad day, without needing to know their childhood trauma.