To not buy into 'work family' bollocks

[Gweither]

Does your workplace describe itself as a 'work family'? Do you subscribe to this kind of thing?

I ask because my work does and up until recently I was all for it and felt it was a bit of a family of sorts.

But I've had my eyes opened to various things in the work environment in past couple of months that I won't give loads of detail on in case outing (politics, people being sidelined, a few people being managed out of the business)

Last year they had us all open our hearts and make ourselves vulnerable in the name of team bonding and work family at an away day. Heard some really difficult personal stories from colleagues. Part of me wishes we'd not all had to go to that vulnerable place knowing what I know now.

Maybe IABU and this is a standard part of work culture these days?

I worked somewhere where they literally were family, everyone was someone’s cousin or had been to school together and I was very much the outsider, I think I started job searching on my second day 😬

I work in a school and a lot of staff do see it as a work family (we are a start up school so only opened last year). No cringey activities like you describe though! Although lots of staff do out together out of work hours.

I'll be honest, I don't and I don't buy into it. I don't go on the work outings either.

I get on fine with most people at work but they are colleagues. I don't over share about my personal life etc.

The phrase is Workships. Not friendships.
When you leave, usually that’s it.

I've worked in plenty of places that are naturally work families and so lovely. None of them phrased it like that though. It was your job. You did your job. The fact that it was in a lovely team / company where you made friends for life was a happy coincidence. No away days or pressured over sharing either. Plenty of lunches, brunches and the like though.

Manipulative bullshit. I'd walk out of any meeting that demanded I bare my soul. Fuck that. Business first is fine, the rest of the day is mine. And God help anyone who tries to tell me different.

I actually think it's incredibly manipulative for workplaces to try and weasel such personal information out of their employees. You shouldn't be expected to show your personal vulnerabilities and difficulties in this way as it will only ever be used against you.

I want my colleagues and management to think and talk about my skills, not my struggles.

This. I doubt the people that do this have even the basic training needed for what could basically turn into a group therapy session. It has the potential to be so damaging.

I've always found that workplaces that talk about being a "family" pretty much expect you to live on the premises. I'm similarly suspicious of employers who offer kitchens fully stocked with loads of food and drinks. They expect you to work such long hours that you will be eating every meal there.

Very well put

Thanks all the same but I'll be the one to decide what personal info I share in the workplace, and flannel about "bonding opportunities" won't come into it

What happens if you refuse to bare your soul in these meetings?

IME of those possessed of this silliness the outlier will usually be faced with some corporate speak and faux regret about "not being a team player" - which can be insidious

We have. Very close knit team. So I would say we do feel like a family. We all get in well. And the atmosphere is good.

Once you've been bullied to the point of suicide at work you will never reveal personal things again. Don't assume about closed off people.

Always remember no matter how nice they are your colleagues are just that . Half of them snub or avoid you when you leave a workplace anyway because that's all you had in common.

Never tell them anything personal as it will get gossiped about and every time the gossip is repeated a bit is added on and a bit is left on . Just do what you are paid for , keep to yourself and try and fly under the radar .

My dad gave me great advice when I started work , see all , hear all, say nothing unless it affects you badly .

I once had a questionnaire type thing that was headed Five things we don't know about you !

I wrote rubbish no way am I telling them anything that could be used against me or exploited .

I like that site, and (because it's US-based) it always makes me feel incredibly lucky about the increased work benefits and protections we get in this country!

Last year they had us all open our hearts and make ourselves vulnerable in the name of team bonding and work family at an away day
tbh OP this alone is unreasonable. I hate that kind of stuff.

Unlike lots of posters on MN I have no issue with people being close friends with their co-workers, but it should be an organic relationship developed by individuals, not something mandated by management.

Ew no. I've actually made some really good friends through work over the years, as well as come across some total arseholes, but in no way would I engage with this.

I think this is just a whole deeper level of exploitation by employers.

i have worked in places with "work families" and people whose entire lives revolve around work - their happiness, all their friendships and social activities is entwined with people at work. It’s part of the reason I left, I found it sad and unbearable.

The only way my current work resembles a family is that half of them piss me off but I’m kind of forced to be around them so there nothing I can do 😆

My colleagues are incredible, and we all keep each other going through the shitty times (hell, it's the NHS, things get shitty on a regular basis), but any exposing of vulnerabilities needs to be voluntary from the individual doing the exposing.

I trust my immediate colleagues to the point I will let them use me to practice diagnostic assessments for a condition I have on - which really does open up all the holes in cognitive functioning that I mask on a daily basis, but I would not do that to anyone outside my immediate team whom I trust massively. I volunteered to let them do the assessment (it's one that we need to be videoed doing on someone already diagnosed with the condition in order to be signed off and allowed to use the assessment clinically - which is a huge ask, and why I chipped in to help)