To not buy into 'work family' bollocks

[Gweither]

Does your workplace describe itself as a 'work family'? Do you subscribe to this kind of thing?

I ask because my work does and up until recently I was all for it and felt it was a bit of a family of sorts.

But I've had my eyes opened to various things in the work environment in past couple of months that I won't give loads of detail on in case outing (politics, people being sidelined, a few people being managed out of the business)

Last year they had us all open our hearts and make ourselves vulnerable in the name of team bonding and work family at an away day. Heard some really difficult personal stories from colleagues. Part of me wishes we'd not all had to go to that vulnerable place knowing what I know now.

Maybe IABU and this is a standard part of work culture these days?

Oh god yes
My work are call themselves 'name of company family'
I've made it clear I don't speak to the family I share dna with,I'm not part of their family
I swear they do it so you pour your heart and soul into the job but they offer fuck all in return
They'd sack me without a second thought and forget my name in minutes
I'm there to do my shift,clock out on time and forget the place exists as I walk out the door until my next shift starts

No, it would be ridiculous - I work for a massive high street bank!

They do however, blither on about "bringing your whole self to work" which makes me cringe. It's no one's business how many kids I've got, if I'm married or not, or whatever. Yes, I have shared important things with team members but plenty of people don't and I don't think there should be an expectation to.

I worked somewhere where the philosophy was all being in it together and like a family. Didn't stop them making me redundant.

To me work family euqal toxic environment where employees will be taken advantage of "cause faaaaamily". It never works the other way around.

You can form friendships, tema that works well, strong community and all that. But family? Nah. Unless it truly is a family bauienss with no outsiders there.

Massive red flag ime.

Work is work. That's it.

I think it's like this a lot in the States, it comes across as some kind of fawning trauma response to me, people feeling like they have to prove their loyalty to avoid being fired at the drop of a hat. No thanks.

Nope, no way to the level of forcing people to share personal/vulnerable stories - that's atrocious!

I am a business owner and am very, very fair with people. We all get on and I understand that family comes first. I've given people time off last minute when their children are sick, when their pets are sick and have hugged them and cried with them when they've lost family members and pets.

In no way do I expect people to share their home lives at work. If people share information or things come up in a chatting conversation, fine.

At the end of the day I'm the employer, so sometimes do have to have difficult conversations with people about their performance. There is a line there, no matter how friendly we are and how much we get on.

I agree with a PP's post that as much as you're friendly and a tight knit group when you're working together, and you can't imagine work without them, once someone does go, it's amazing how quickly your new "normal" just becomes normal and you drift apart.

I've worked at my company for almost 20 years and it's always been the "friendly" company it is now, but it's vastly different from what it was 20 years ago and I no longer see anyone that's left in that time. There's a few I keep in touch with on Facebook, but not to actually see.

Thanks for your comments. It's good to feel validated about this as I've had a few years of this work family stuff and was a bit indoctrinated but now I realise I'm just an employee and work is work and I should never forget that.

When a particular work situation didn't go my way a few months ago, it almost felt like a betrayal and I realised I was too emotionally invested in work as if these people were family/ friends but they're not. They're employers. I actually had to seek therapy for a while which seems OTT but I wonder now if the work family stuff contributed to my reaction

My ex referred to a colleague as his work wife. He's just married her real life.....

Agree with all the comments saying it's to inspire a level of commitment above what you should be doing for the Labour = money transactional relationship between employer and employee.

Personally, I hate it because, much like it real families, it can also create a culture where expectations are way beyond what you'd expect of any other person, and by that I mean the employee loses sight completely of the fact that its a business. Which ultimately causes them, the individual, a great deal of emotional distress.
(DISCLAIMER: Sometimes the below things, in every specific circumstances, are true, but a lot of the time it's a by product of this 'we are family' stuff)
I have observed, all as a result of 'we are family':

• People taking redundancy as a personal rejection, and exerting massive amounts of energy fighting or arguing about foregone conclusions because of the emotions involved, to the point of not looking for other jobs until they are actually unemployed, which can be incredibly hard to handle if you've been employed by a 'family' for so long.
• Seeing any kind of performance management as bullying or a vendetta, rather than a process
• Not gaining any understanding of basic employment law in regards to sick or maternity leave, or thinking that doesn't apply because they've been told they are family.
• Interpreting 'Family' as 'noone has any authority over anyone else' or worse 'whoever has worked here the longest automatically knows best' and then getting upset when anything challenges this baseline - again, this distress can be avoided if a business steers clear of 'family'
• Not understanding that you might THINK you know everything about a business, but you dont, and therefore interpreting certain decisions as wrong/irrational or attributing them to factors that actually weren't relevant, and then creating a narrative from assumptions about why decisions have been made. Creates division, and upset.
• Not understanding that you don't know the full story about other employees, and that other employees can and do lie to each other. Doesn't matter if you've worked together 20 years, your mate is still capable of lying to you about what's happening between them and your mutual employer if it doesn't put them in a good light. Have personally seen this cause massive amounts of distress among people when I was a manager, and found it hard to deal with as I'm bound by confidentiality - you also can't win, the only way you can respond is 'that's confidential between me and your friend' which makes you look like you don't care...

Jeez, fuck that sort of nonsense sky high.

I go to work because they pay me. They can expect good work and professional behaviour, I expect to be paid and treated fairly. That is where it ends.

I like my colleagues and partake in social stuff when I fancy it, but I am under no illusion - we are there because we have to be.

As a retired NHS manager, I would NEVER have used or subscribed to the family bollocks. If someone came to me with a problem I would do my best to help in practical matters and to get them other help they needed including talking and listening therapies. At the beginning of my management career I did let (never encourage) people to tell me difficult personal stuff and mostly they wished they hadn't even though I never ever breached their confidence....its the issue with them knowing that I knew and can't unknow it.

Nope. In a company I worked at previously, there was very much a push to have 'girly lunches' and 'girly nights out' for the women working there - because we are all women, we MUST spend our unpaid lunch break together, we MUST be interested in seeing Mama Mia together. I'm afraid that I (diplomatically) opted not to participate, but I was made to feel a pariah. Anything labelled 'girly' sets my teeth on edge and being forced to spend extra time with people just because we are the same sex is not for me.

also ALL of this

Bollocks indeed! It is an American import - "the company is your life". No it ain't!

Just remain aloof from it all, contribute the minimum to all this bullshit, and get on with your job.

YANBU

As someone said down thread it's just to get information out of you to use against you such as potential situations that could cause problems for the business further down the line .

Most people at work either don’t care or aren’t equipped to handle these issues, so just leave people be. How awful 😞.

I can understand that reaction. They set an expectation and then didn’t meet it.

I think there’s a comparison to all the “fun” stuff that start ups are famous for. Pool tables, free food, etc. It’s purely to keep people there working excessive hours - why leave at 5 when you can get a free dinner at 7? Manipulation dressed up as consideration.

Hell no! Well in a way my colleagues are like family, in that I can't stand most of them or trust them as far as I can throw them, have to spend more time with them than I would choose and have nothing in common with most.

I have never subscribed to the "bring your whole self to work" bollocks. I go to work because I am forced to go to earn money. I'm polite to people and get on with them but I don't think it's sensible to overshare with people who can make or break any career opportunities or use anything I have shared against me.

Also when I see colleagues sharing all their problems and concerns with HR I want to shake them and shout don't do it - they work for the firm not you!

Absolutely not. Colleagues are not friends. Polite rapport is nice. Demanding personal details, traumatic or otherwise, is not.
I'm here to do my tasks, be paid, and then go back to my real life, and ideally not have a miserable time about it all.
We have a woman who trauma-dumps all over the office. You can't expect people to deal with that unless they're qualified therapists. We also have a bigot, Typhoid Mary and a walking mantrum. Some family! I keep it formal. They think I'm the weird one.
Euphemising toxic offices by calling them 'work families' is gaslighting.

I fucking love walking mantrum 😆

Vulnerability workshops are cult tactics.

Tells you all you need to know.

Too often this is code for "We want the same level of commitment/obligation you'd show to your family, but have no intention of offering you the same in return"

No thanks

It's all such bollocks. I'm a business owner and take pride in treating my employees fairly but we are not a family. It's fundamentally a commercial relationship and I see it very much as my staff sell me their time and expertise and in return I pay them well and show appreciation for a job well done. Lots of respect on both sides but no fakey family nonsense.

Forced "work family" crap is shit, a cynical attempt to foster loyalty so you'll do a few extra hours/cover a job that should be paid more etc for no extra money, because this is your family, right?

I've worked in a few places that felt sort of family-ish, but that wasn't down to mandated bonding, it was down to bosses and colleagues who were empathetic and friendly.

We shared stories from our lives and helped more than we were strictly obliged to because we liked and trusted each other and spent time together outside of work voluntarily.