To not buy into 'work family' bollocks

[Gweither]

Does your workplace describe itself as a 'work family'? Do you subscribe to this kind of thing?

I ask because my work does and up until recently I was all for it and felt it was a bit of a family of sorts.

But I've had my eyes opened to various things in the work environment in past couple of months that I won't give loads of detail on in case outing (politics, people being sidelined, a few people being managed out of the business)

Last year they had us all open our hearts and make ourselves vulnerable in the name of team bonding and work family at an away day. Heard some really difficult personal stories from colleagues. Part of me wishes we'd not all had to go to that vulnerable place knowing what I know now.

Maybe IABU and this is a standard part of work culture these days?

Vulnerability workshops should be banned IMO. They are so incredibly full of potential damage and completely irresponsible. People can use what you disclose against you, people can find it traumatic or triggering and then the person running the session takes their money at the end of the day and sallies off into the distance with little or no follow up, having got people to open up in a totally unsafe manner. If my work did one I would absolutely refuse to do it and would encourage others to as well, hang the consequences.

Work family is bollocks too.

This with bells on.

I've long suspected the work family/bringing your whole self to work etc started in the USA to instil employee loyalty and has spread here (apologies to any Americans reading if I'm wrong).

It is utter, utter bollocks.

I can also confirm this. In fact I've not worked anywhere where there was so much back stabbing and one-upmanship than in the NHS.

This is exactly what I've realised over the past few months. I think before I was naive to it and genuinely believed the family crap but its just dawned on me it really is about the numbers and no one should be conned into thinking anything more

My workplace is like a family, if you subscribe to Mrs Ploppy's thoughts on a family atmosphere from Blackadder:

BA: A family atmosphere ? This is meant to be a place of pain and misery
and sorrow.
MRSP: That’s what I mean Sir.

This is an interesting perspective. The people who work standard hours and not into the evening or lots of extra time are seen as not pulling their weight

I guess maybe they got us to be vulnerable so we'd feel a sense of undying loyalty or something like that

Oh the 'bring your whole self to work'. That is another gem they love to push.

Manipulation is a good word to describe it.

I think since my eyes have been opened, I do feel a bit manipulated tbh and I'm not happy about it

This is exactly it.

We basically ended up talking about childhood traumas. Some of my colleagues told horrific stories of abuse/ domestic violence.

They make you be vulnerable so you ARE vulnerable.

If they want to manage you out, they then know the pressure points to push to manage you out, whether that's needing to WFH, having a break at 3pm to collect your kids from school etc etc.

Your colleagues are not your friends until after you leave - then see how many of those 'friendships' were merely based on proximity and familiarity and nothing else.

"Work family" is indeed bollocks, probably pitched at getting you to work harder / over your hours, on the pretext that "we're all in this together"

This is horrible. Not only are the company getting information they could use against you later, but all your colleagues know it too.

No don't buy into it at all. Some of the people I work best with aren't my friends, I'm not sure we would spend time together outside of work, but we on a project it works and we are really productive.

Work family isn’t enforced where I work. I do have a “work husband” but that’s just a jokey thing between me and my best friend at work who happens to be a bloke.

We do have the “bring your whole self to work” thing going on but in reality that doesn’t apply to everyone and to be honest, I do have a work persona and I’m happy with that! If someone comes in and does their job without being a twat then it’s enough for me. If they want to share something extra (and I do understand in some cases it might be relevant, eg being neurodiverse), that’s ok but don’t expect the same of me because I’m really not that interesting!

This is exploitative nonsense.

No of course not. I have colleagues I've become close friends with over the years, but as an organisation, no. They'd make me redundant in a minute if they needed to, the same as they did for most of my department (and friends).

Be professional, friendly, have a work persona. Keep anyone above you at arm's length, it's tricky being friends with upper management and generally discouraged. Keep it all bright and breezy, don't disclose anything you feel uncomfortable with or would negatively affect their opinion of you.

I don't work for actual small family businesses anymore. They're often horrible for bullying and favouritism, no HR and an owner with a huge ego. Not for me - I like a big firm with a bit of detachment.

I had a similar experience re being expected to share our darkest secrets because “then there’s nothing to be scared of anymore” 🙄
The facilitator was really surprised by the bank mundanity that everyone came out with 😆

It just feels hypocritical for them to talk of work families and whole selves when I've seen a couple of people fired/ sidelined in the past few months. One of the criticisms levelled at someone they fired was 'never worked extra hours'

Another person was sidelined from a high profile role in favour of a new person and just feels totally forgotten and tossed aside. She shared a particularly harrowing story in team bonding and told me 'why did they make us do that when they don't really care?'

I’ve got enough problems with my own dysfunctional family, I’m not taking on a work one too.

if that shit was brought up
at an interview I’d be right out of there.

*blank!

No! I am a private person, work/home life never crossed over! I was friendly with all of my colleagues but I was never ‘friends’ with them….so many over-shared, very close friends with each other, then when they fell out it was brutal!!

it emotional manipulation meant to create a sense of loyalty so people worker harder, longer, for less.

Who needs another family. One is definitely enough for one life😀
They assume saying it's like a family working here is a good thing. If my workplace operated like my family does, I'd have left years ago.

I am all for team building exercises and getting on with your colleagues (after all it makes it all so much easier given how long you have to spend with them), but no way would I be talking about private, personal stuff at work.

No, that's inappropriate. I like having a chat with work colleagues, in fact, so much, so I've recently gone back to work 2 days a week after retirement because I missed that light social contact . But that's all it is . Family contact is completely different and I think they are encouraging staff to overshare .