SAHM

[VGoghsEar]

To think most women would prefer to be a SAHM given the choice. I don't know of anyone IRL that would choose to work if they didn't have to.

I would choose to work, but two days instead of three. I know I’m very privileged to only have to work for three though

Yes, but here we get into the lottery win territory. An average family has limited funds, which you need to consider when you want to spend your days doing interesting things. Work allows me to do interesting things and then later use the money to do interesting things with my family.

Most mums I know would choose to have a job that fits in with the school day and term times.

If I had won the lottery when DD was small, would I have contributed to work, probably not but I definitely wouldn’t have chosen to be a SAHM again. I would have volunteered and out sourced a lot of the SAHM drudgery. I would have employed a nanny, cleaner, chef etc.

I was a SAHM and wouldn’t do it again because I lost an important part of me in that time and doing something outside of my role as mum is very important to me.

I was a SAHM for 5 years. It was very hard work and soul destroying. If I could do it again, I would have hired a nanny part time just to pay the childcare costs and give myself a break.

Now my kids are older (primary age) they are great fun. I wish I had more time with them!

With school ages children, yeh for sure

with anything before that, no way. Its utterly exhausting and can be mentally detrimental (to me) I like having a routine and being ‘me’ for a few hours a day.

i was a SAHM for 3 years during Covid and having been back into work for 2 years now, its been great. I’m a much happier mum.

What stuff? The nursery does the vast majority of it in the week.

I can’t think of anything worse. And if I win the lottery I may not do my current job but I’d do some kind of role…real estate or something. Staying at home with kids all the time is soul destroying.

I've got the choice but decided to work part time (2 days). Would love to have been a SAHM for a time but I knew I'd struggle to get back into May area of work if I left for a long period and I didn't want to eventually start from the bottom again.

My youngest is about to start school in September so feel like I made the right decision. I like the balance

He loves his job! He has a career he went to uni for so really enjoys what he does, whereas I don't have any qualifications and worked in an office doing admin all day - boring.

Most mums I know would choose to have a job that fits in with the school day and term times.

This i do think is true.

alovelynight
whereas I don't have any qualifications and worked in an office doing admin all day - boring

Why don't you change that

Many SAHM do much more than that!

I'm not very academic and have never enjoyed learning. There are things I find interesting e.g the human body but I'm just not motivated enough and the thought of doing a uni course now makes my brain shut off!

No, personally, I wouldn't ever choose a life that revolved mainly around my home and family. I accept that some people are perfectly content with this, and I respect their choices, but that kind of life isn't appealing to me at all. I want more.

I would definitely carry on working if I won the lottery, because I enjoy the sense of achievement and purpose that it gives me. Plus I like the camaraderie of working as part of a team towards a shared goal. I would just use my winnings to hire some extra staff to do the tasks that I enjoy least.

It's the working full time and still being expected to fulfill the role of a SAHM that's the killer.

I would hate this!

You would struggle in most jobs to get promotions/senior roles, you would be default childcare for all school holidays which would feel relentless, and you wouldn't even get the bonus of the school day free like a SAHM.

It would feel like the worst of both worlds

Yes, I’ve seen some of my friends struggling with this.

A good home share balance makes all the difference tbh, DH and I both manage the house/kids it’s no one’s sole responsibility.

It means more fun time for DC too as it’s not 1 parent doing it all.

I’m halfway through mat and finding our quality of conversation is waning a bit.
Or I’m repeating stories of my day etc.
but then we both work interesting jobs.

I don’t disagree with a lot of the above but it’s your language that is problematic.

’ together due to love rather than tied by financial reasons’

this statement suggests that others are in loveless marriages, tied by financial dependence. I’m sure these do exist but there are also MANY relationships where one partner is earning less outside the home and they are very happy in their set up.

You need to find a way to embrace your decision without tearing others down.

Not at all - I would opt to work every. Single. Time!!!

Love my kids to bits but SAHM life is not for me. I like adult conversation, carving out my own peice of the world separate from my husband and kids. Another purpose other than just being a mum and wife.

Being a sahm is the hardest unpaid job in the world.

This is definitely true: most women, whether working or not, do the lion’s share of the domestic work.

But you don’t increase your bargaining power here by becoming a SAHM. If anything you give your husband or partner leverage to argue that it’s your natural role.

If you’re not working and he earns all the money you have no leverage.

I'm with you there. I was a SAHM until my youngest was about 10. And I loved it. I did all the house and kid stuff, including DIY and gardening etc, my husband did all the providing. I still struggled when I went back to work (feeling I was neglecting them, yes really) but the money was handy. I take my hat off to women of today who are supposed to have it all - relationship, family, career - but actually no one can have it all and something has to give. I wonder if the pressure of it all is the reason that so very many marriages fall apart?

That's fair enough, academia and study isn't for everyone (and I say that as someone with a degree abd a PhD who also loves being a SAHM). If you're happy and feel useful doing what you are doing, and OH is also on board with that, then it doesn't matter what others think.

I expect there's a lot of difference between those who have careers vs those who have jobs.
A job and a career are not the same thing.