SAHM

[VGoghsEar]

To think most women would prefer to be a SAHM given the choice. I don't know of anyone IRL that would choose to work if they didn't have to.

I adored being a SAHM. Absolutely loved being at home with DC. Taking them to playgroups, music groups, swimming, tumble tots, sing & sign.

Lots of mums say they want to feel like themselves again and “not just mum,” but I never felt that I was “just mum.”

Hell sometimes I've considered getting pregnant (or breaking my leg) just for the break from work.

My present career is stressful and not what I want to do. But needs must. I have the qualifications and I can't afford to retrain now.

If you're lucky enough to do a job you love, I can understand why you wouldn't want to give it up! I used to have a job like that.

I much prefer being a SAHM than going to work, I hated work with a burning passion. Unfortunately DH has insisted I get a job again when they start school, even though he earns enough for all of us 😂

There are a lot of things to do “beside taking care of children and cleaning the house”
When you have the money …

With under 3s? Yes I'd agree, i didn't like leaving mine to work at that age - but with school aged kids working is great.

For me the compromise was part time work so I didn't lose skills.

I can't imagine not working with a 7 and 9 year old for eg, at school all day

I hated work with a burning passion. Unfortunately DH has insisted I get a job again when they start school, even though he earns enough for all of us 😂

What if he hated work too?

And therein lies the rub. I think everyone would love to not work - i.e. rely on said job for income - but the lifestyles achievable are different!
I know some women who are SAHM on a shoestring budget - they prefer it to working, but it takes effort! Bargain hunting, making delicious meals from cheap ingredients, budgeting etc etc. Of course some dual-income families are close to the breadline too. But some people think being a SAHM is worth sacrificing extra income.
If my husband was a multimillionaire and being a 'SAHM' meant doing 'charity work', having lazy brunches etc. while my armies of cooks, cleaners and nannies did all the actual work then sign me up!

I’m going to side with you OP. I work FT with a 2 year old and 4 year old and I absolutely hate it. My DH earns erratically so falls to me. I’d give it up tomorrow if I could.

I’m from a working class family so women have always worked.

I’m now a doctor, mostly know other doctors, and don’t know anyone who chooses to stay at home although almost all could certainly afford to do so. I suspect having interesting, fulfilling work that was hard to achieve and that is financially, intellectually and personally rewarding changes the dynamic somewhat.

Oh and DH earns more than enough that I could be a SAHM if we chose. I don't choose it.

The nature of the SAHM brief depends on the level of family income and age and number of kids. You can't compare being a SAHM of baby triplets and another one under 5 to being a SAHM of one school age child, for example - one sounds like hell on earth, the other like quite an easy gig.

I’d choose work every time. It adds another dimension to my life and challenges me intellectually.

And so do employed men…

Nope. No way. Was champing to be back after a year each time as I felt my brain was in atrophy. I like my job, what I do, sense of self worth and job satisfaction and most important financial independence esp if poo hit the fan personally

Nope… not for me!

I love my children and would do anything for their happiness but after two back to back maternities I found very quickly that it was all, make breakfast and then clear up. Make lunch and then clear up. Grocery shopping and the odd kids club here or there. Make dinner and then clean up. Tidy and clean the house. Rinse and repeat! Then there was the odd day out here and there but not everyday. Nothing I can’t do on a weekend.

So no not for me. I’m far more content with my career, my chosen childcare, our quality time at weekends, Seeing my kids after their busy day, our lovely holidays and my own earnings.

I love being a SAHM but I know plenty of people who really didn't like the baby stage and were very happy to return to work. Some had second children and deliberately took the minimum maternity leave.

Different strokes for different folks etc.

I have observed that it is very difficult to work, look after the children and keep on top of the housework though. Most women I know outsource at least one of them (by being a SAHM/going part-time, using nurseries/other childcare, or getting a cleaner/gardener etc.

How do long term sahm get back into work? It can be a long time if you have multiple kids

I’ve worked bloody hard to earn well. I hated being dependent on my dh (despite full access to the accounts) and felt very vulnerable. I saw friends marriages end and the women were the ones on the breadline while the man continued earning well. It scared me that dh could come home one day and day he was leaving and I’d be screwed on a part time salary. I hate the idea of staying with a man because I’m financially dependent so I made the choice to ensure that wasn’t the case. Call it smug if you want, I call it sensible.

100% this. I work full time and I’m studying for a masters. I need the challenge.

Do they to the same extent 😂?

Personally I think being an employed mother is unfortunately often very different to being an employed father. "Second shift" and all that.

For women, often their break IS work, whereas an alarming number of men use the fact that they work as a reason for why they need a break for most of the time that they're home.

And you have done well!
Another child free one here.
I could never and still don't understand at 44
why in this short life would I choose to cancel
myself for the benefit of someone else.

Whenever I read these threads I realise I must be antisocial, lazy and thick as pig shit 😂 Of course I wouldn't go to work if i didn't have to (assuming it was due to inheritance or lottery that we had a level of luxury without my meagre-but-vital salary) I 100% wouldn't get bored. I'd fill my time very easily with TV, visiting beautiful places, long walks and volunteering.

I love being a sahm and tbh it was a factor in whether we had dcs at all (would not want to be juggling work and dcs). But it's hard work as my youngest is under 2. I don't think every parent would want to do it as it's relentless at this age, and unpredictable. Will definitely be easier and more chilled when the youngest is in preschool and I get some time for myself. I have an OU enrolment waiting for me (for pure interest, not career development), as intellectual stimulation is important to me.

Lots of parents also wouldn't choose it because they'd be worried about losing social status from their work, and financial independence amd they need the social interaction at work. I achieved financial independence before having dcs, and have never cared much about other people's opinions, and don't need much social contact beyond my family, so that hasn't been an concern for me.

Im on mat but normally work part time with an engaged DH (everything would work fine if either of us left home for a week).
My days off are strictly for having fun not housework.

I’m a better mum & wife (as in romantic partner) for working I need the mental stimulation, I’m active/sociable on mat but I get a bit blue when my life is smaller.

I do want my DC to see mum & dad living equal lives.

If I won the lottery I’d become a lifelong student, the DC would still go nursery, I’d have a nanny/housekeeper, gardener.

I'm on maternity leave and then taking a years career break due to nursery fees in my area being higher than my salary, and I'd rather work than be a SAHM. I have to remind myself this is best for him as I miss my job, doesn't help it was one of those dreams jobs that don't come along often and a pleasure to roll out of bed to go to!