SAHM

[VGoghsEar]

To think most women would prefer to be a SAHM given the choice. I don't know of anyone IRL that would choose to work if they didn't have to.

I was a sahm until they went into school.

Sahm to pre school kids is bloody hard work.

In retrospect I should have used childcare a bit more as I might have been less frazzled!

I loved being a SAHM and can't wait to go back to it later this year.
I know SAHM who love it and never want to go back to work. I know mum's who work and would hate to be a SAHM. Neither of them are wrong. Just what people prefer.

I went back to work part time after being a SAHM for 8 years. Work beats SAHM-ing hands down! I wish I'd gone back sooner tbh. I do have a choice - we don't need my earnings at all - but knowing what I know now, I'd chose to work every time.

Under no circumstances would I choose SAHM. Lockdown when I was shielding nearly killed us all.

I'm a SAHM in the day and then go to work at night for a break and to keep me sane 😂

If kids are all school age I might agree with you but mine are not!

That's completely different. Im a SAHM and it's exhausting. When I win the lottery I'll spend my days going to the country club and drinking champagne, maybe the occasional spot of volunteering.

When I first became a SAHM I became friends with local SAHM and several of them went back to work part time because they needed a break from parenting. That was 100% their choice not forced upon them.

Can I ask why you feel like this?

I don't know anyone in real life who would rather work, but the opinion of most people on Mumsnet seems to be very different.

Definitely not for me. I would never be able to be a SAHM. I love working, find the social aspect invaluable and get bored and antsy at home for too long. I also am phobic about the idea of dependence on someone else’s money.

At a push I could have managed a couple of years but any more than that would have made me very unhappy indeed.

If money was no object and my kids were school age, I’d love to be a sahm! Gym yoga, organised house, volunteering, hobbies, social life. Being a financially dependent sahm to a toddler, no thank you!! I currently work full time and earn double what DH does so it’s not likely to be a choice I make. DC are 2 and 6.

God no, I adore my job and worked bloody hard to get here. I encountered the person doing my job and knew I wanted to be her 😆 I needed to do 2 years at college, 3 years at uni and then 5 years building experience - then I got promoted into her role when she retired 🥰 I didn't do all that to just throw it all away and sit at home.

It means so much to me knowing I role model hard work to my DC.

I love knowing I have financial independence and that I don't need to worry about how to cope when the DC become adults.

I don't know anyone who wants to be a SAHM. I know plenty who want to be a lady of leisure, but that's not the same thing.

I think that's the other reason for me why I wasn't a SAHM in the end. And also (please no offence to SAHMs!) but I felt sort of guilty when I thought DH would be working hard for us, whilst I was just at home with our son. I know that's silly as it is a heck of a job to raise children! But that's how I genuinely felt. It's also the guilty feeling of spending money I haven't earned myself. I'm probably going to be a SAHM for a while when we have a second, so I hope I can get over these feelings!

I don't know anyone who would rather be a SAHM in real life.

I think all this tells me is that we tend to be friends with people like ourselves.

Actually I forgot I do have a SAHM acquaintance but she has her DD in full time nursery, they have a weekend nanny and evening babysitting several times a week so she isn't really typical

Being a SAHM would destroy my mental health. I actually can't think of anything worse. I have so much respect for women who do it (as I do think it must be very beneficial for little kids)

I think I lost myself a bit. I am an 'older parent' - maybe losing my autonomy hit me harder than I imagined it would? I like not being 'mummy' a few days a week. I find parenting a lot harder than working.

Yes. I love my job and enjoy being something other than just mum.

DH would give up work in a heartbeat with a lotto win, I have always said I would still work in some capacity.

Personally would hate being a SAHM.

I only know one SAHM and she has been desperate to get back into work for the past four years. It has severely affected her mental health and confidence.

That may well be a self selecting sample but in the sample group I am exposed to being a SAHM is very much not something people aspire to.

I love being at home with my children and my maternity leaves were some of the happiest times of my life.
I went back to work as financially I needed to and fortunately kept my career as I'm now a single parent. I hated being reliant on someone else for money.
If I could keep my financial independence and maintain adult friendships that didn't revolve around my children then I probably wouldn't have gone back to work.
If I won the lottery then I would still work but it would take the pressure off and I would probably change my job to something school hours or term time.
I'd be worried that they'd hit their teens and suddenly I'd be lost as they don't need me as much anymore.

Are you friends actively wanting to be SAHMs, or just thinking it would be nice not to have the drudgery bit of work sometimes, though?

It's my observation that (judging by the number of MN posts) SAHMs of school age children are always quite keen for their children to go back to school after the holidays, suggesting it's not the desire for constant childcare that's appealing.

It wouldn’t suit me. I’d go so far as to say I’d hate it and my mental health would be damaged. It’s society’s fault. SAHM is expected to be 24/7 and basically family slave in most houses. I’d find that psychologically very tough.

Would I rather do my job than look after my dc? Hell yes, especially when they were young.

I wouldn't do my job if I won the lottery but then I imagine myself doing a variety of charitable work instead and taking a degree and spending time practicing 2 musical instruments and taking singing lessons and travelling the world (with the dc and alone).

Being a SAHM is a grind.

Going back to work (part time) saved my sanity.

I would give up work in a heart beat to be a stay at home mum with the caveat that i would want a standard level of being able to afford some luxuries. Hence why i am not and went part time, to try and give myself the best of both worlds.

I didnt enjoy my time as a SAHM . I had to stay at home for a period because we've had needed 3 in childcare at once and it was a simply unmanageable expense at the time. I hated every day of not working.

Just browsing through the trending and came across a similar theme:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5059468-to-be-fed-up-of-working?reply=134706818