SAHM

[VGoghsEar]

To think most women would prefer to be a SAHM given the choice. I don't know of anyone IRL that would choose to work if they didn't have to.

@spriots Without a doubt. 😂
The main difference there is the majority of people choose to have kids. The majority of people have to work.

@NewLifter a hobby doesn't have to always cost a lot of money.
One of my hobbies/interests is books and reading.
I spent an awful lot of time in my local library with my toddler.
Same with museums.
It was really until I had my daughter and was a SAHP that I had the freedom/time to be able to do the things I enjoy. I couldn't do them while working due to the hours I worked.

Hopefully this thread has broadened your knowledge OP as lots of us on here really enjoy working and being working parents. Certainly this is true for all my friends. You have also opened my eyes that some people would prefer to stay at home.

Well some things are opinions and some are facts.

Its simply a fact that there are ways to contribute to society outside of paid employment.

Its also extremely arguable that some jobs are not really making a contribution to society and would not be missed if they disappeared.

@Emm36801 so you don't think a SAHP can contribute to society/volunteer/do charity work?
Why not?

I said above - charitable work is contributing.

It's a contribution to the economy which benefits us all.

Look, if my daughters wrre capable of working but wanted to be SAHMs, I would be disappointed - that's how I feel.

I'd prefer to work rather than make financial sacrifices, put myself in a vulnerable position if we ever broke up, and have a decent pension etc. But if I knew I was set for life (eg won the lottery) then yes I'd be a sahm. But so would my husband

I was asked this above and I said charitable work was contributing. But, in reality, all the SAHM's I see at school are off for coffee, the gym etc etc

Wow. I’m a stay at home mum, after having a good career and my DC later in life. I’m shocked at all these judgey comments about SAHP! For me, I didn’t want to hand those precious moments of my much wanted DC over to someone else while working for the same cost as childcare. There’s no way I could have juggled my work with being a good mum, I just wouldn’t have had the bandwidth to do both. The downside to this is that if you don’t have a reliable partner or you break up (in my case), then you can be left absolutely up the proverbial. I wouldn’t have done anything differently, other than to choose a better partner and try to keep study or freelance up on the side…

And I think child-rearing is ABSOLUTELY contributing to society! Saying otherwise just helps keep women down and the expectation of being able to do it all to breaking point a societal expectation

You do realise that spending money on coffee and the gym is also contributing to the economy? People not working but having disposable income to spend on leisure and activities does contribute to those businesses and the economy. They wouldn't like all those SAHM to go back to work and not be spending in their businesses, you know.

@Emm36801 well that's those particular SAHMs. Not all are into coffee and the gym (although I frequently met up with some "for coffee" but we were actually organising school/local events etc).
Plus how do you know that's all they did with their lives? It's a lazy stereotype.

If you think going for a coffee and using the gym (I do both before work incidentally) are massive economic contributions then probably very little point in debating this. The irony is whenever anyone tries to make the point about school fees being an economic contribution, they are shot down in flames , and yet coffee suffices!!

And you can work and rear children too - they aren't mutually exclusive!

You'd be disappointed that your daughters were able to freely choose what to do with their own lives, and made a decision which work(s)/(ed) for their family situation? How odd.

I agree.
There are some really odd opinions on this thread.
I don't really read actual books these days but I love audio books - through my local library I can hire books via an app and it's all free! I have lots of other hobbies, which cost varying amounts, however the free/cheap ones are no less fun that the ones which cost more!

Apologies, my mistake. I think most of us would like to have more time at home in the early years and that's why many go back part time? I can see both sides; the financial independence and reward of working, on the other hand having the opportunity to be a sahm (which isn't an easy ride in itself) had its benefits. I suppose it all comes down to individual circumstances, including finances and personal choices. Xx

Who said that going for coffee and/or using a gym ARE massive economic contributions though?

Well said @RosieIs44!

If I had the money to also use childcare in the holidays to give us all a break I probably wouldn't work, maybe one day a week for a change of scenery but definitely not the 4 days I do now.

I would have time to run and gym whilst they were at school and be able to keep the house tidy and clean. At the minute the house suffers because I'm at work as well as trying to fit in the gym and running. Although in my dreams I can also afford a housekeeper/nanny who will do the drop offs, come back, clean and tidy, cook dinner and then they can clock off and I can do the pick ups and spend time with the kids in the evening.

I'm rich enough to pay them a high salary like 50K a year and maybe I'll even throw in a car too. Maybe I would have an annexe they could live in for free and just pay for their bills.

Sadly not going to happen but I would love it if it were possible. I would have so much more time!

Because your comment is steeped in mysogyny, why would a woman not want to work, but a man would? Why didn’t you write that anyone given a choice would chose to stay home and do child rearing or cleaning? Rather than have a career?

why would you think all women are like this? Some of us enjoy work, being financially independent, or we trained hard, or worked for our career. What would possess you to think thay staying home and raising kids and cleaning is what women really want to do??

What would possess you to think that staying home and raising kids and cleaning is what women really want to do??

That is what some women want to do, and also some men (though admittedly a lot less). There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to do that, just as there is nothing wrong with a woman wanting a career, or wanting a balance between both.

Odd that I want my daughters to be ambitious and achieve? Yes how odd.

Seriously, in real life, my friends all hold these values close to their hearts - but maybe that's why we're friends.

No, odd that you think a SAHM cannot be ambitious and achieve things.
You do realise there is more to life than career progression?
My mum was proud of me when I achieved my degree, my PhD, when I got a good job, when I bought my first flat (with no outside help) and also when I chose to become a SAHM.
Regarding friends having the same views, are you familiar with the term 'echo chamber'?

If you're an adult woman who knows other women, reads MN, observes people around you, you must already know that they wouldn't. Lots of women really dislike being stuck in the domestic sphere looking after small children, and enjoy doing something they find more rewarding, having financial independence, a life of their own.
I could say how can women bear to face another day of cleaning and childcare with no autonomy, every minute dictated by the needs of their children, when they could be jumping on a train into work to do a job they love in adult company, and getting praised and paid for it. But I wouldn't, because I know not everyone is me, not everyone likes working and some women are happy at home.

SAHM here with youngest about to go to school. As a previous poster said there are so many different types of SAHM setup. Full time baby / toddler / 2nd pregnancy / combo of both 24/7 was for me the hardest time of my life (throw in a big house move and Covid too just to make it harder). Very fulfilling and some brilliant memories but still hard.not much time for housework, gardening etc!

However, since my eldest has been at school and youngest at preschool and I have a few hours to myself,my role has evolved and I have grown to hugely resent it which has surprised me. I don’t want to come home and choose between doing the food shop / hoovering the car / weeding / cleaning the oven, changing the beds, washing etc etc or any number of hundreds of domestic tasks that I feel fall on me as the one that doesn’t work. I look forward to picking my children up as it’s a distraction and what I feel that I signed up for - the parenting part. I actually volunteer in some of my free hours because I can’t face coming home to the drudgery of it all. Having my partner sat upstairs working makes me feel even worse.

I’ve dug a huge unemployable hole for myself over the past few years whilst my partner has forged a successful, exciting and mostly enjoyable career and resentment from me is starting to build. I need to get back to work asap and I’m even thinking about jumping in with almost full time. Somehow we all need to see me as someone other than housekeeper and it’s going to be so hard to undo years of conditioning that it’s all ‘MY’ job..

(edit to say that of course some people are happy and fulfilled running the home, doing the gardening etc and that’s great I’ve just learned over the years that this isn’t for me)

Wow, there’s no need to denigrate SAHM - I thought we were discussing OUR experiences?

Id rather my child had the choice to be where they felt fulfilled and not have the piss taken out of them (all house/childwork) which both sets of mothers face.

I love working under my parameters but I have choices, i might not feel the same if I was low paid, full time also doing all wife work.

(not rich at all btw, only just replaced my 15 year old car, comfortable I guess.)