SAHM

[VGoghsEar]

To think most women would prefer to be a SAHM given the choice. I don't know of anyone IRL that would choose to work if they didn't have to.

Odd view point. I had a choice, I chose to work. I didn’t wish to give up my career and stay home doing chikd care and chores. Not my bag at all.

and I clearly hang with women who are the same, as all my friends chose the same.

I think charitable work is a valuable contribution.

Yes I would. I will probably start my own business in that sort of situation like have a property portfolio that I manage, renovate, etc.
I have never dreamt of being a sahm either, maybe because my mum was one and she was always obviously miserable, I wished she worked and didn’t take out her misery and boredom on us. If dh earns so much, I might work part time though so just working 3 to 4 days a week for example but I’ll still work definitely.

Oh of course, there isn't one correct answer. :)

@Placeo Not true at all. I live in an affluent area and have many Sahm fronds who don’t need to work. All of them are from high achieving backgrounds and had fantastic careers, many had their children a little later. They have said they choose to stay home during the early years for the sake of the children, I can see frustration in some of them as they are highly motivated individuals, they’re always full of ideas and fun to be around, they tend to have many activities going on.
I was previously a teacher full time and 100% preferred being at home! It was so hard at times, but having slow mornings with my Dd-breakfast in the garden, long dog nature walks in the nearby woods, visits to the beach, park, cafes, shops, library, museum, zoo and meeting friends were some of the best days of my life. My Dd is at school now and I’m at work and I really see that those were the glory days

I launched my own online business so I could be a SAHM. I regret not doing it sooner. I regret hurrying bathtime and bedtime routines because I was so exhausted from working. I regret not cooking from scratch for so long because I was working 13hr shifts. I regret working weekend shifts and bank holidays for the money while DH had fun with the kiddos. My DCs are adults now, but still live at home and I'm here for them now.

Teams/zoom

I was still having good interactions, prob with more folk outside of my direct team 😳

Wasn’t your online business work?

providing fulfilment I mean in the same way volunteering etc does.

To me a SAHP doesn’t equal running a business or volunteering.

@Emm36801 so what was. your point?
Someone can be doing volunteer/charity work while being a SAHP.

Well that's a contribution then isn't it?

Dim comment.

@shepherdsangeldelight I did actually have loads of fun as a SAHM with 3 under 5 (lots of National Trust places, long outdoor walks and volunteering at local playgroups etc) in tow but I would love to be a SAHM now they're all at school.

What makes my view point any more 'odd' than yours.

Of course. But I'm not talking about men.

If I were financially independent I'd be a SAHM in a heartbeat.

Can't understand all the 'I'd be so bored without work' comments. I have a huge range of interests outside of my working life that I would love the chance to pursue if I didn't have to work ( and kids were in school).

I genuinely can't get my head around people who think that outside of paid employment, there is nothing else interesting to do with one's life.

My husband or I could have given up work to be a SAHP (not both at the same time though!). Neither of us wanted to. All my female friends went back to work and wanted to, they could have coped with just one salary but like us, preferred to go back. I guess it’s just different demographics, maybe we hang around with people who think like we do!

But if you didn't work, how would you afford all these interesting hobbies? It's a bit patronising to assume that people don't understand there's other ways of gaining fulfillment. Also, what hobbies do you do with toddlers tagging along? Remember OP specifically said SAHM, not unemployed. It's NOT the same thing, SAHM is full on hard work.

You can absolutely be in a loving relationship and financially dependent, unfortunately, if the love goes it’s a very unhappy place to be and I’ve seen the results. It’s not pulling people down, more a cautionary tale. I wouldn’t word it like that to a friend’s face but you can be blunter on a forum like this.

Is this to me?

For the affordability point, note I said ' IF I were financially independent'

As for your comment about ' what can you do with toddlers in tow' note I said, once the kids were in school.

Being a SAHM once the kids are in school is not full on hard work. That's six and and a half plus extra hours a day you have in your life, five days a week in term time, that working parents do not have.

I am not a SAHM. Not sure where you have got the notion it is a reaction post. I have personally witnessed the women in my life professing a desire to be a SAHM or to not have to work for a living. Whether this is due to the sociology argument of 'double burden' I can't know for sure. But it certainly seems adults are navigating a juggling act between family and career more than ever. I think it is interesting to note that womens' happiness is in decline according to studies.
Funnily enough, there is another recent post on MN talking about being fed up with work.

Funnily enough, there is another recent post on MN talking about being fed up with work.

There are also loads about finding children hard work! 😁

For women who work PT or have a lower income, they would still be screwed financially. Not many people can run a house, car and kids on one wage.

You said you can't understand why someone "wouldn't work" and that were brought up to "work hard and contribute to society".
You can be a SAHP and still do that.
That's why I didn't understand your point.

That is your view. I don't necessarily agree.