SAHM

[VGoghsEar]

To think most women would prefer to be a SAHM given the choice. I don't know of anyone IRL that would choose to work if they didn't have to.

Yes that's fair enough. It's a private school so we do long days and often also something on a weekend or evening, with more free periods than in a state school. So spent a lot of time together.

I’d rather work part time. It doesn’t really suit me to have endless ground hog days at home, I need the enforced routine of work. Im not great at housework regardless but find it easier when we are all out of the house some days and im not staring at stuff needing to be done constantly.

As I SAHM I had lots of interesting adult conversations with other adults (parents, grandparents, random folk at places we went) - of course it might have been harder for those with young kids during lockdown, or who find/found it difficult to get out and about for other reasons. TBH, a lot of the adults at work actually wittered on/bragged talked about their kids as much as any SAHP I have known. Maybe I was just lucky to have interesting, intelligent and enthusiastic folk around me or to be able to visit interesting places.

Me too.

I’ve never managed to do housework etc + childcare.

Currently I sometimes do it in the night when I cannot sleep (BF).

Nope. Absolutely not. I have a very nice work/life balance, I have my independence, I don’t rely financially on my husband. For me, I’ve read on here too many times of naive women staying at home and giving up a career. Only for their husband to fuck off and leave them with no money and no job. Why would I want to potentially put myself in that position?!

So many on here say 'oh god SAHM no thanks, I'd be bored'! Really? You couldn't think of all the things you could do? 🥴

There are a lot of things I'd like to do if I wasn't working. Not so many that it would be practical to do if I was also responsible for looking after small children and staying on top of housework etc.

My experience of being a SAHP was just during maternity leaves. I found baby groups etc soul destroying, didn't really gel with any of the other mums and I didn't have any friends who didn't work during the day, so I spent most of my days on my own playing cafes with small children or trying to make small talk with people who mostly blanked me at groups. Yes, it was boring. And I really couldn't think of all the things I could do to make it less so. Particularly as my not working also meant we didn't have a huge amount of money to do the things with.

Bluntly, the interesting people of working age will be at work in interesting jobs, not in soft play on Tuesday mornings.

God no thanks.

Mat leave was fine and so was part time when they will little but after that I would detest being a SAHP and I don't know anyone who has chosen to be SAHPs IRL after the baby years.

Bluntly, the interesting people of working age will be at work in interesting jobs, not in soft play on Tuesday mornings.

Some would say that interesting people are unlikely to be on Mumsnet as they’re all too busy doing their interesting jobs to be on a chat site.

Personally I believe that life can take all sorts of unexpected twists and turns and that what people find interesting can vary.

@Placeo not true. Many "interesting people" with "interesting jobs" take a break from it (ie maternity leave) so they are at soft play on a Tuesday morning.

YABU. I was a SAHM and didn't enjoy it. Prefer working.

@Placeo also just because someone isn't working in a "interesting job" doesn't mean they aren't interesting as a person.
That's quite an insult to be honest.

'Bluntly', that's completely incorrect.

There are intelligent and interesting people everywhere, and it's prejudiced to assume that they are only in 'interesting jobs' - whatever that actually means, being as the term 'interesting' corresponds to different things for different people. I honestly met some of the least interesting people when I worked at a top University, however have met some amazingly interesting people in my time as a SAHM. Also, it's rather bold of you to assume that I spent any time at soft play, let alone every Tuesday morning. I'd say that most intelligent and interesting folk realise that there are loads of other ways to entertain children. I can honestly count on one hand the amount of times we went to a soft play (one party, once at a Brewers Fayre type place, once when a new place opened).

Excellent reply!

I know lots of SAHP.
I know lots of working parents (Full/Part-time).
I feel like we don't all have the same choices to start with (some folk have to work to pay for childcare whereas for some working is cost prohibitive, that sort of thing), but as long as folk are getting satisfaction from what they do then that's what matters surely?

I hate a long working week, but actually appreciate the structure and routine of working.

I'm due DC1 in July and when I got back to work I'm requesting a 3 day week. I don't need to go back at all financially, but I really do need done external project to keep that side of me ticking over.

I’m in bed I’ll, so my job, which is interesting, not doable at the moment.

No need to be so defensive. It’s fine to pretend that SAHPs are brilliant, independent thinkers.

Do you not know anyone who has a fulfilling career that they want to continue?

Almost every woman I know works, at least part time. I know only a handful of SAHMs.

When mine were small I worked 3 days. I would have gone mad as a SAHM.

And on my days at home I never went to soft play- expensive waste of time, in my view.

Assuming there are no health or other issues that prohibit or make working difficult, then once kids are in school (mine do 8:30-5:30 every day) I don't know why people wouldn't work. I was brought up to work hard and contribute to society. None of my friends are SAHMs - we are all hardworking professional women. I know this won't be popular but, for me, this is so important, especially as a mother to daughters. I'm the main earner in my home and my husband shares all of the chores.

@KeinLiebeslied54321

Just describing my own experience which is different to yours

I find it amusing that people are saying that they need to work for interesting conversation when usually people are complaining they are being made to go to the office (where they can't work because people keep talking to them)

I'm a SAHM and don't agree that everyone would want to be one. I see it like any other job- however much some people love doing it, others would be meh or absolutely hate it. 90% of jobs are boring to me, so obviously plenty of people think the same about SAHM.

I was a primary teacher before, so it makes sense that I find being at home with small children more interesting than someone who is a lawyer or a software developer or whatever. Most people I know who work in early years or primary education have mentioned they'd have enjoyed being a SAHM if they'd had the choice. But I equally know plenty of people in that sphere who didn't want to at all.

@Placeo wow !
So if a person is a SAHP they can't possibly be a "brilliant independent thinker".
That really really is rude.

@Emm36801 do you believe people can only "contribute to society" if they are in paid employment?