Re my parents and childcare

[Theroadnottravelled]

I think I’m going to get blasted for this but my lovely parents are being frustrating imo. Me and DH moved from London to the south coast to be near them. We have 2 girls, 2 and 4. Both in nursery 4 days a week as we both work FT. My parents do a day for us, have done for a year. They offered and I’d never expect more. I am grateful. My dad has now said it’s too tiring for them to do all day so will do half. So we have no cover and can’t really afford more nursery. We get by but I felt that as there are two of them, almost 70 but very fit, play golf most weeks and are very active that it’s disappointing they won’t do the whole day once a week plus DD1 goes to school in sept.

Again, what are you trying to achieve with that sort of comment?
How are you helping @Theroadnottravelled?

They stuck it out for a year. She should be grateful she got that. They don't want to continue, now she needs to put on her big girl pants and deal with it the way normal families do.

What is 'normal in families'?

No such thing as normal. Families come in all shapes and circumstances. Everyone is just doing their best.

Normal families???

Jesus Christ.

This place is so odd sometimes.

I hope no one that flames others for having childcare help from families receives anything like inheritance. Or help with their housing deposit. Or anything else that some families are able to extend.

I didn't get childcare from my parents, or a house deposit and I'm not expecting an inheritance. Does that mean I can flame people? (Kidding).

@RememberTheTorch yeah, but remember to be extra bitter and nasty about it please - make those that do feel like the absolute scum of the earth for having the privilege.

Don't forget, it's always a race to the bottom on here.

😄

I will express an opinion but I don't like to flame people. Behind every post is a real person.

OP's parents did offer an explanation anyway - they said it was too tiring for them to manage a whole day with 2 small children. But said they could manage half a day. What other explanation is needed? OP has not questioned this - presumably she understands how much work looking after her children involves.

Again, who are you to determine what can be posted?

Given the OP has thanked me for my posts maybe you should wind your neck in.

The wilful misunderstanding is pathetic on this thread.

A pp said the parents don’t have to explain why they can’t help anymore.

@Nanny0gg said it’s normal in families to explain why something is being changed.

She never said anything about what a normal family is so stop goading her.

The parents did not do this. Read the OP's OP.
The OP moved to be near the GPs.
The parents offered the care the day before they moved.

@exomoon

I was actually responding to this -

They stuck it out for a year. She should be grateful she got that. They don't want to continue, now she needs to put on her big girl pants and deal with it the way normal families do.

Don't think I misunderstood this, wilfully or accidentally

I don't think you're entitled at all and I'd be really cheesed off at the timing. They've only done a day a week for one year and she's almost at school. I'd see if there's any way they can cope until September and if they can't, I'd suck up the extra day in nursery and not bother with this half a day thing which just complicates matters and doesn't really help. I've never expected nor got much childcare help from family as I don't live close to them, but I'd be miffed if I'd moved closer on the offer of that kind of support and then had it withdrawn for no good reason (to that PP who talked about back up plans, obviously if one of them had cancer as you say, that would be a completely different scenario). I'd certainly take this as a sign not to rely on them in future.

Seriously? 🙄

OP said ‘My parents did offer the day before we moved’

She means the parents offered A DAY PER WEEK of childcare, before OP moved. So they got OP to move and are now backtracking.

Not that they offered it a day before OP moved

This place 😂

I am grandparent. When there were two children we arranged it so that on my caring day I only had one child at a time. I made it clear that I could not cope with two (I also had a sick husband at the time). No problem - all worked out fine. Is that worth a try?

IN other words I did 2 days of care, but only one child each time.

I imagine they have thought about it and not come to the decision lightly. As you say not long till eldest starts school but even so they've decided it's too much for them to try and carry on. I think of my own parents, younger than OP's and I do think if I'd had my kids a couple of years later that I did then they wouldn't have been able to help to the extent they have. Age comes to us all and affects us all in different ways at different times. I'm sure they are aware of the stress it puts OP under and I think OP needs to accept her parents are ageing.

If they were up for that they would have offered that

So sorry @aperolspritzbasicbitch I didn’t mean you.

Can your DH do compressed hours?

Or would your employer be open to you doing a 9 day fortnight? And your DH doing the same? Or one of you doing that and your parents having them for a day every other week?

Would your employer not even be open to you (or your DH's employer) doing 5 days over 4.5?

OP I get it I really do. You had an agreement and they are now trying to change the agreement.

Based on your other posts on this thread I can see the type of person you are, yawn.

Which either of them has the right to do at any time if circumstances demand it.

No they don't have to accept that. This is the attitude that is upsetting/angering a lot of posters.

They aren't employees. They haven't signed a contract with a minimum notice period.

If someone does you a huge favour you accept that at any point they could withdraw that favour. In an ideal world there would be a bit of notice so an alternative can be planned but to say OP's parents will have to accept they have to carry on with the current arrangement for another 4 months is awful. These are people doing OP a massive kindness.