To expect DP to not drink once in a while when I'm pregnant?

[FirstBaby9894]

Pregnant, 20 weeks, first baby. DP is NOT a big drinker at all, only drinks out, usually 2 glasses of wine max, a bit more on a very big night. Right after we found out I was pregnant, we went out for dinner and he asked me if I minded if he drank. I said "don't be silly, of course it's ok"...I was nauseous and sick and just super happy about having a baby. He had a glass of wine, which at the time was the last thing I craved.

20 weeks in, it's starting to bother me. He actually drinks MORE sometimes because he now always has a designated driver. I don't mind him having a wine with dinner...but socials are so hard. So boring. I am so sick of fucking juice (I hate sweet drinks) or sparkling water.

Tonight we're going out for a friend's bday and the friend has picked an event centered around a wine launch. Everyone will be drinking. It will be expensive too, even the mocktails are £15. I am dreading it. I would feel so much better if he just didn't drink tonight. I can't quite explain why, just some solidarity? Has anyone else felt this way? Am I unreasonable?

It's making me want to cancel tonight but I haven't seen these friends in such a long time and I feel so out of the loop.

I'm just missing out on so much. Have had to cancel trips with friends, business trips. I'm too tired for big socials. It's been a HARD pregnancy and he has actually been very supportive in every other way. But his life is the same, lots of socials, and it just really bugs me has not ONCE ordered a bloody alcohol free beer...

Have you spoken to him about it?

I think a conversation framed in the sense of 'I might be being unreasonable but I'm pregnant, uncomfortable, amd hormonal, and this bothers me...' and a decent guy would be open to supporting you.

Whether you are being unreasonable or not is irrelevant, you are pregnant and want a bit of support. but he isnt a mind reader at the same time, and might need a bit more direction into what he can do to support

I wouldn't want to be with the kind of man who continues merrily drinking when his wife is pregnant. It's just distasteful and a slap in the face. Everyone knows women get the rough end of the deal - I think showing solidarity is the least men can do.

I've had children with two men and both automatically stopped drinking while I was pregnant. I didn't ask or even express any opinion on it beforehand - they just did it because it was the decent thing to do.

YANBU, OP.

It's a bit mean spirited of you OP.

My DH has crohn's disease and eats an extremely limited diet (including no alcohol). He's never suggested i should limit myself and when we're out and about will often offer to get me an ice cream knowing he can't get one himself.

Agree with this entirely

@Madamlulu
@BettyShagter

yeah like it’s so easy to just get a whole new friendship all of a sudden 🙄

Sorry, but this is ridiculous to me. Certainly never expected it from my partner when I was pregnant. Just seems so petty and martyr like.

@Beezknees

surely it’s more martyr like for OP to just suck it up and not say anything if it’s bothering her (as so many people on here seem to be suggesting)

This clearly isn't just about this one event. It's about him going on nights out constantly and you being abroad at a vulnerable time of your life. He needs to rethink his attitude to going out and drinking, and fast, because you're going to be very lonely sitting at home with a baby without your real mates around you while he's away out on the piss for the 4th time that week.

Controlling.

Gently, YABU.
I know it's hard though.
No-one gave me alcohol solidarity when I was pregnant, especially not my partner in fact like yours he used it as an excuse to drink more as he had a designated driver 😬
I had hen dos, weddings etc and went to them all.
Don't cancel the gathering with friends. Do you like hot drinks? You could order a hot chocolate or weaker coffee or tea whilst the others are drinking.
And although it's a Mumsnet absolute sin I think one or two drinks containing alcohol when pregnant very occasionally is fine, especially out of the first trimester. .
I did it. If you have good self control and know what a unit is you are fine.

OP normally I would say YABU. You shouldn't stop someone having something just because you aren't. Just like people on diets shouldn't stop partners getting takeaways. And why do you need to tag along on all these socials? Can't you enjoy your own company?

But.. he drinks A LOT! Socialises 3-4 times a week? That's huge. No wonder you are fed up. Hope he knows that will change once kids arrive.

YABU you're not pregnant forever. I don't think it's the worst thing if he's enjoying you not drinking do he can have one or two more
drinks but you could set a time to go home at the outset or let him go out alone.

So long as he returns the favour when the baby’s here and he can chauffeur OP to girls nights out for nine months! Wahey!

I think yabu. No point in both of you going without. My DH drank during my pregnancy, wouldn’t have occurred to me to ask him to stop. I also had a couple of small glasses a couple of times a week.

Then who would look after the baby??

Not everything has to be tit for tat.

The OP said

He had 2 pints last night, a few pints on Tuesday and a wine on Monday.

I mean it might not be ideal, but I don't think it's deserving of being called "A LOT!" or "huge"?

@BettyShagter She said he goes out socialising/drinking 3-4 times a week, every week.