To expect DP to not drink once in a while when I'm pregnant?

[FirstBaby9894]

Pregnant, 20 weeks, first baby. DP is NOT a big drinker at all, only drinks out, usually 2 glasses of wine max, a bit more on a very big night. Right after we found out I was pregnant, we went out for dinner and he asked me if I minded if he drank. I said "don't be silly, of course it's ok"...I was nauseous and sick and just super happy about having a baby. He had a glass of wine, which at the time was the last thing I craved.

20 weeks in, it's starting to bother me. He actually drinks MORE sometimes because he now always has a designated driver. I don't mind him having a wine with dinner...but socials are so hard. So boring. I am so sick of fucking juice (I hate sweet drinks) or sparkling water.

Tonight we're going out for a friend's bday and the friend has picked an event centered around a wine launch. Everyone will be drinking. It will be expensive too, even the mocktails are £15. I am dreading it. I would feel so much better if he just didn't drink tonight. I can't quite explain why, just some solidarity? Has anyone else felt this way? Am I unreasonable?

It's making me want to cancel tonight but I haven't seen these friends in such a long time and I feel so out of the loop.

I'm just missing out on so much. Have had to cancel trips with friends, business trips. I'm too tired for big socials. It's been a HARD pregnancy and he has actually been very supportive in every other way. But his life is the same, lots of socials, and it just really bugs me has not ONCE ordered a bloody alcohol free beer...

@BettyShagter we live abroad, temporarily. These are not good friends but nice enough. I either socialize with these people or with no one at all for another year until we move back to the UK.

we went out for dinner and he asked me if I minded if he drank.

But who asks the person they're having dinner with if they mind if they drink?

That's such an odd question to ask someone unless they're struggling with giving up alcohol.

Are you struggling OP?

I mean- this.
You are being v childish.

Sorry but yes YABU. He’s not got a baby inside him! Plus you should both enjoy yourselves as much as you can before baby is here. Have you tried the seedlip type gin drinks- non alcoholic gin and tonic with garnishes (cucumber, mint etc) is lovely.

It’s a pain yes but it’s only 9 months (once baby is here you’ll be able to have a few drinks if you want to even if you’re bf). And if you’re the driver and you’ve had enough, just say you want to go and he can either come or grab a taxi.

@LaughterTitsoff LOL no. His best friend gave up alcohol completely when his wife was pregnant and the baby had just been born, so we were talking about them as we were sitting down for dinner.

I think it would be silly for him to give up drinking for 9 months. I'd like a sober partner on a Friday night once in a while. But if I want him sober, we have to stay home. He has never considered not drinking when out.

If they're not actually your friends which it doesn't sound like they are then why bother going at all. In a few months time you'll be making new friends through baby groups and antenatal classes so if you don't actually like spending time with these people then maybe start distancing yourself now.

@Heronwatcher but he won't come and then I'm alone for the evening, that's the point.

@ZipZapZoom because I don't want to sit alone in the house for 9 months? And no, I won't make friends at baby groups. Unlike the rest of the British women here, I work. It's a weird place being an expat, I don't particularly love it. But I have another year of it and I'd like to do more than just work or sit alone in the house.

See this makes no sense to me. But I think it’s a difference in pov.

It’s a centred around a wine launch organised by some people you don’t seem that bothered about.

You will enjoy it more if he doesn’t drink. And going home and having a few hours on your own on a Friday night, is unthinkable.

I think it’s weird that it’s this one that bothers you. Which makes me think there’s more to it subconsciously.

I drink twice a year and never have more than 2 glasses, so I get that drunk people can be annoying. But this is the one event I definitely wouldn’t be expecting someone else not to drink.

So you won't be taking any time off once the baby is born?

Yabu. But you sound more fed up you can't drink because you're pregnant generally rather than him drinking.

@Itsonlymashadow I'd be fine with him drinking tonight! IF he didn't drink tomorrow for example. Tonight's an event, an example. And there will be more. And I just want him.to not drink ONCE. Fucking ONCE in 9 months of pregnancy I would like a sober partner for the entire Friday evening and not be the designated driver.

@ZipZapZoom i get 10 weeks maternity leave. So by the time baby groups are in swing, I'll be back at work.

Tbf I’d look at this from a self awareness stance ,you're basically saying you can only socialise and have fun when you’re drinking alcohol!

My OH certainly never gave up alcohol and I didn't expect him to . He enjoys a drink socially and the odd one at home after work . I found it quite entertaining to be the sober one in the group and listening to random conversation. Sorry but I think YABU . I found various non alcoholic drinks and enjoyed them . There is a great selection out there now .

OMG can everyone read the original post? I don’t want him to stop drinking for 9 months. He can drink. He has. He's already had 3 alcoholic socials this week. I just want him to not drink once in a while, when we are out together, so that I can have some companionship on a Friday evening.

So he'll be going out every single Friday night for the duration of your pregnancy?

@BettyShagter yes, absolutely. He has 3-4 socials a week, every week, no exception. Some work related, and those are the heaviest in terms of drinking actually.

10 weeks maternity leave! I’m guessing you’re not in the UK?

I would advise letting your partner enjoy a few drinks. He’ll be a father soon and that’s when you’ll really need him to knuckle down and support you rather than going out drinking with friends.

Explain that not drinking at social stuff is doing your head in a bit, and ask if he would consider not drinking this time to keep you company?

Your feelings are understandable, but I feel like you’re expecting him to mind read.

I think your initial post is part of the problem. You specifically stated that he didn't drink much and is not a big drinker which is not accurate, he sounds like he drinks a LOT!

What's all the swearing for?

I really would reflect on your relationship with alcohol during this time.

Hopefully you'll get used to not having it and realise it's not so hard/boring to live without it, regardless of what others choose to do.

@ZipZapZoom he doesn't drink much in one go. So he doesn't get drunk. But he drinks very frequently. 3-4 evenings a week, at least.

@NewPinkJacket I'm not a big drinker. Never have been. Ever.

But you don't have to keep tagging along, do you? Especially when you don't really like the people you're socialising with.

Just tell him to sort his own transport and do your own thing when he's busy.

You'll both want this relaxing time back when the baby comes, so you should both just chill and enjoy.