To refuse to let DD drink coffee?

[TheKeyToTheJungle]

DD (13) is constantly asking me if she can drink/try coffee. So far I have been saying no because I don't want her to get addicted to it like I am, I have both DD and also a 1yo DS as well as a very demanding job and I just can't function without coffee because I'm always exhausted and need it to function. Coffee helps to keep me alert every day when I'm exhausted, honestly wouldn't be able to function without coffee. DH thinks that I should 'consider' letting DD try it but I'm worried that she will end up addicted like me. Aibu to not let DD drink coffee?

I think you need to stop talking about how you rely on coffee to cope. She may see this as something she needs rather than as a hot drink.

You are making it appealing/ a legal high when school will be telling her caffeine is a drug. High caffeinated drinks are aged limited for a reason.

She wants this because you do. Change your behaviour. If she does find a taste for coffee then limit to one cup each morning.

Also address your reliance with your GP.

@Tinymrscollings You are my hero! Encapsulated the issues with food and unnecessary idiocy perfectly!
Perfect antidote to the pumpkin spiced latte!

Why so nasty to a young person? Would you do that to your child?
That's the same as saying give them a very strong spliff/chilli, or making them smoke 20 fags in a row because they have expressed curiosity about smoking.
Let them try a normal coffee. They will like it or they wont.

Why the hell would you hope that?
You have a psychological addiction to a substance that is not physically addictive. Don't pass this on to your daughter.
I hope she loves it; coffee can be as pleasurable as wine. So many varieties, countries of production, flavours (not pumpkin spiced, just bean varieties). I hope she becomes a coffee expert, a buyer for a boutique coffee shop, travelling the world to source the right beans, and has many coffee-appreciating children.

It certainly is addictive.

But that doesn't mean it's dangerous or bad for you.

Literally the worst vegetable in the world

I used to drink Turkish coffee when i was a child! i loved it
I have about 2 or 3 coffees in the morning now and a decaf before i go to bed

Because if she quit drinking coffee she'd be increasing her risk of cancer, stroke, diabetes, Parkinson's, liver disease...

If you were addicted to green leafy vegetables would you make the effort to quit them?

No, it is not.
Caffeine use is classified as a dependence, not an addiction. For a drug to be considered addictive, it must activate the brain's reward circuit. Caffeine, like addictive drugs, enhances dopamine signaling in the brain (is eugeroic), but not enough to activate the brain's reward circuit like addictive substances cause severe psychological dependence such as cocaine, morphine, and nicotine.

I think you should get blood tests and look at your diet your caffeine addiction isn’t healthy - most like having a coffee but don’t need it and can certainly function without it
she could easily go to a coffee shop and buy one (my 15 loves Starbucks though the non caffeine drinks) and the recommendation appears to be over 12

I'm not here to argue semantics.

We all know what people mean when they say they have a caffeine addiction - yes, technically they may mean they're actually caffeine dependent instead, but to most people, it means pretty much the same thing.

Caffeine is addictive in the sense that, for the majority of people, it wakes you up and makes you feel good. If you go without it you can get withdrawal symptoms from headaches to body shakes, to nausea and vomiting.

What a fuss in a coffee cup. There seems to be a lot of anxiety about caffeine, I was amazed when an American cousin said teens weren't supposed to be drinking coffee. Obviously too much caffeine isn't great but teens down loads energy drinks all the time. A latte made with lots of milk probably won't hurt if it's not in the evening.

You sound like the type of parent whose kids are going to go absolutely wild off the rails as teenagers if you run such a strict house their whole lives.

The kids who have problems with caffeine are those who are getting hold of energy drinks or are being facilitated to buy drinks from Costa which taste mild but have 2+ shots of espresso in them. I've had kids turn up to school regulaely with a Costa or a Monster energy drink in their hand, and kids sent with 2 cans of starbucks double espresso for their packed lunch ffs. It's SO not the ones who are being allowed a milky coffee at home every now and again at 13.

Don't tell her :/

This , she's 13 surely soon she'll be out with her friends shopping etc , Starbucks or similar and be able to choose what she likes ? It's not illegal! Banning it will probably make it more attractive to her not less

We had one in the sixth form lounge in the 70s.

This won’t happen overnight. I have had coffee everyday from about 8 years old (lax parents I was Gen x). I only really developed my caffeine addiction in my 30’s when I started on 3 cups a day and had a long commute. Plus a caffeine addiction is easy to beat, the headaches are a killer but it only takes a few days. I have done it before.

How much coffee do you drink to not be alert or function without it? And I wonder if you make such a fuss about your need for coffee that she feels the need to have it!

As others have said, it's coffee not cocaine.

I wish my DGS(18) would drink coffee, instead of those bloody energy drinks.

Glad you agree with me. It’s an opinion that’s been getting me into trouble since I gave my first toddler a few chocolate buttons way back in the mists of the early 2010s. Teach them the small pleasures and the big ones will look after themselves, is my approach.

And very sensible it is too.

Funnily enough - I was the kid who went off the rails because my parents were too lenient. Not enough structure or boundaries. Middle class hippy types, who ironically think money solves all the worlds problems. I won't do that to my kids. Hopefully, they can be educated enough to make decisions for themselves. And, I 100% expect that they will experiment with drink, drugs, and risky sex but hopefully, at a minimum. It's part of growing up; becoming a well balanced adult.

I have had nothing but positive feedback from teachers, coaches and other adults regarding my eldest behavior and choices so far.

Patents will all parent differently. I don't need to be piled on for giving my opinion, because it doesn't aline with your parenting experiences. Parenting with boundaries is hard work. I'd rather not be a lazy parent and give in to every demand my children make. Trust me, when I say mine are a spoilt in other ways

Tell her yes, but only something like an Americano where you actually get the flavour of the coffee- not something like a latte or a cappuccino. She’s less likely to develop taste for it.

I've drunk coffee (I'm 65, nobody thought it was harmful for kids in my youth) since I was around 12 - instant in those days but I will only drink 'good', freshly brewed coffee now.

I enjoy ONE mug a day at morning coffee time. I like the taste but don't need more than one.

I really don’t see the issue with coffee. Clearly she shouldn’t be having 10 espressos a day, but I’d have thought it was perfectly normal for teens to have a cup or two a day.

My DC frequently went out for coffee with friends around that age. Their school canteen also offered (caffeinated) coffee as an option at breakfast and lunch. Are we really at a stage now where teens have to be mollycoddled to such an extent?