To refuse to let DD drink coffee?

[TheKeyToTheJungle]

DD (13) is constantly asking me if she can drink/try coffee. So far I have been saying no because I don't want her to get addicted to it like I am, I have both DD and also a 1yo DS as well as a very demanding job and I just can't function without coffee because I'm always exhausted and need it to function. Coffee helps to keep me alert every day when I'm exhausted, honestly wouldn't be able to function without coffee. DH thinks that I should 'consider' letting DD try it but I'm worried that she will end up addicted like me. Aibu to not let DD drink coffee?

I would let her try it and if she likes it get her a nice decaf, I love coffee, used to drink SO many cups in a day but when I got pregnant with ds I stopped. I actually found I got much better quality sleep and didn't feel as groggy and awful in the mornings so even now I still only drink decaf where I can avoid the caffeine and I have more energy than I did before ds. The idea that you need it to manage is an illusion the caffeine has created in your system. Phase it out for a few months and you won't know yourself. There are some nice decaf versions out there so just get her one of those and talk to her about the health implications. And yes I'd cut your intake down since she's working off the example you're setting so even if it's just coffee, the idea that it's normal to be so dependent on something really isn't a healthy message to be sending.

Sounds like you need to switch to decaf too. I was finding myself craving a coffee from the moment I woke up every morning, and would walk into town every day to get myself a coffee from a coffee shop. But my body can't cope with caffeine, so I bought myself a good coffee machine, and found a really nice decaf bean (you'd never know it was decaf from the taste), and managed to kick my coffee craving. So if I do fancy a coffee, I make my decaf, I enjoy it, but no killer cravings or caffeine addiction. My child does sometimes have a sip or two of my decaf and enjoys it. I'd have no issue with giving my child decaf.

by banning coffee I would worry you’re making it exotic and exciting.
for context, here’s the rough caffeine content in other things (from BBC Good Food). Instant coffee isn’t much more caffeine than a cup of tea or a can of cola.

• “Brewed coffee 1 mug (200ml) – 100mg caffeine
• Instant coffee 1 mug (200ml) – 60mg caffeine
• Tea 1 mug (200ml) – 45mg caffeine
• Green tea 1 mug (200ml) – 30-40mg caffeine
• Can of cola (330ml) – 35mg caffeine
• Can of energy drink (250ml) – 80mg caffeine
• Small bar of chocolate (50g) – 5-36mg caffeine

*all figures are approximate”

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/spotlight-caffeine

True-ish, but not to the level that anyone's getting aubergine cravings.

Actually, I do get baba ganoush cravings when I see it on a menu in a restaurant window, but I don't think that's down to the nicotine.

If you need coffee so badly to even function, you need to figure out what's going on. Peri-menopause springs to mind.

I've been drinking coffee since I was a small child and I fail to see what you're so worked up about. Your daughter can go out and buy it for herself at her age.

If you are going to issue draconian bans on coffee to a 16 year old she’s sure as hell not going to ring you when she’s had half a bottle of vodka at a party and can’t get herself home safely.

I can’t imagine not wanting to introduce my children to the little pleasures in life. Even if they don’t have the palate for it yet and perhaps won’t like it, you only learn to appreciate and enjoy new things when someone shows you how. My 8 year old has developed a taste for a cup of tea after nicking the dregs of cups and we quite often have one together after school. It is the few minutes when we discuss all of the important YouTubers of the day and other highbrow cultural topics. It’s lovely, and I like that an afternoon cuppa is becoming a part of his daily routine.

My unpopular and old-fashioned opinion is that we’ve become so all or nothing about everything that we’ve lost touch with the small things that bring a bit of daily happiness, like a good cup of coffee. Consequently we’re always craving a big hit of something. We go all out for the giant milkshake coffees and cakes with an inch of icing and the fast fashion because we’ve forgotten how to take our pleasures in moderation. Let her have a coffee, and teach her the ritual of stopping and sitting and enjoying it.

Surely she can just buy it for herself when she’s out without you?

You could just buy decaf and put in neutral packaging though.

I drank coffee from very young and I don’t drink it at all now, if that’s any comfort. I’m addicted to tea though.

Latte satchets? Instead

It's coffee, not cocaine
Let her have it.She may not even like it
I had milky coffee at her age.
Can I ask how much coffee you actually drink during the day and why you think you're addicted?
Caffeine isn't actually addictive it's habit forming

Meant to say Caffeine IS addictive

At 13 she's quite old enough to be drinking coffee. As far as I know there's nothing wrong with coffee, and I read some research the other day saying it actually has protective effects against some serious diseases (sorry don't have link but it was in the press). Coffee is certainly better for her than sweet fizzy drinks anyway.

The more you hold out against it the more attractive it's going to make it for her.

I don't know why she won't try decaf though - any idea OP? Does she want it for the caffeine? Does she know that caffeine doesn't have a taste?

Even if she likes it, you can control how many she's allowed in a day at home.

I agree. I was drinking coffee at 15 and have never become addicted to it. I only ever had one, or at most two, a day - unfortunately I can't drink it much now due to gastritis 😒A friend of mine used to drink a lot of energy drinks and had to have a lot of dental work done as a result. I think coffee is the lesser of several evils.

My parents always drank coffee and I thought it was so “grown up”
I always asked for a coffee (despite actually hating it) when we went anywhere as I imagined I’d be seen as adult and sophisticated.
When I started getting offered it and no one was particularly impressed or interested I went back to asking for drinks I actually enjoyed.

I’m nearly 40 now and haven’t touched coffee (except iced) for over 20 years.

If you make something taboo it seems interesting, if it’s everyday it becomes banal and your daughter will either enjoy it occasionally or lose interest.

I think you are worrying too much about addiction, do you have other reasons for this?
If you don’t have caffeine for a few days you’ll experience discomfort and maybe have headaches but it’s not like heroin where the withdrawal symptoms are so strong that they cause relapse.

I think you need to address your own issues with caffeine addiction and let your daughter drink it with you if you are concerned.

How are you going to feel when it’s alcohol she wants or her friends are vaping and smoking weed?
You are getting off lightly with the fact she just wants a cup of coffee, at that age I was badgering my parents for alcopops to take to a party!
Guess what? We were bought some!

When all the 13/14 year olds were drinking cider in the park I was upstairs with a few girls from school with 2 bottles of hooch each on a Saturday night.
It took the mystery out of alcohol and I had champagne at weddings and a barcardi and coke at Christmas.

When I was a student it was the sheltered kids trying alcohol for the first time getting into states and having their stomachs pumped.

Your daughter wants to drink coffee with you where you can supervise. If you have concerns about your own addiction then be open. If you keep making this into a big deal it’ll be more appealing and she’ll sneak around.
Do you want that?

But I mean...you could just stop if you don't like it? It's 1-2 days of having a headache and that's it, you are no longer "addicted". Why don't you do that?

Just stop, then.

I'm pretty surprised so many people don't allow teens coffee. I'd presume they'd just buy it themselves on the way to or from school if they wanted. And surely coke and energy drinks are just as bad, and again they have free access to that all the time?
I guess I'm the weird one as my mum gave me milky coffee for breakfast from aged 2 onwards. Apparently she thought it was chicken because the French do it?! Lol.
I find I can easily stop drinking coffee. Total cold turkey with no ill effects. I go months without it then get a craving. I can only drink one a day or I get too hyper. Peppermint tea is definitely the better option though.

I'd presume they'd just buy it themselves on the way to or from school if they wanted

Did you get enough pocket money as a teen to buy a £4 coffee daily?! Because I sure didn’t!

What's wrong with a 13 year old having a cup of coffee?

.

Thats a myth

@exomoon lol. No. They didn't even really have those coffee shops when I was a kid. A greasy spoon caff was the closest thing. I drank it at home.
I spent my pocket money on diet coke and fags. So I'm no example!
I was more thinking they could easily access it if they wanted to, you can get a filter coffee for a pound or something in some places?

Haha me neither. We had 50p, which was spent on sweets :)

I agree, one milky coffee a day for a 13yo won’t cause any issues. Better she develops a taste for it at home rather than the coffee chains!

Ffs, caffeine is not addictive. Get a grip
I have been drinking coffe since I was seven. I have yet to become addicted to it.
Stop her having a snort of cocaine, yes. Coffee? Dear god

How do you know? Do you have some superpower that predicts what every child will and will not like?
You need to get on the one show