Husband never responds to WhatsApp’s

[Leigh1988]

I don’t pester my husband. I only really message him if I have something that requires some input. E.g. will you be back in time to take our son football- or should I meet you there- or did you pick up the paint you said you was going to get and the most recent one being that our caravan flooded and I wanted his advice on something.

It may be one message a day that requires a response from him. All messages are read and then ignored. I even see him online and on two of the most recent occasions I know he was not working.

He has a busy job so I do not expect a reply instantly. But nothing at all? Then sometimes as quick as 5 minutes after me sending a message he will comment or input something on the family chat we have with his siblings and parents. He will always reply to that or send memes on instagram.

it’s becoming more regular and making me feel really rubbish to be honest. I always think it’s polite to even acknowledge it. Even a sodding thumbs up .

I have addressed it before- maybe not in a serious way but more of a ‘ well you just ignore anything I message you’ and his response was to laugh. I just can’t imagine ever being that rude to him that if he needed to know something that I just read it and ignore it. I just don’t know if this is normal behaviour and that most husbands are the same or is it something I should raise?

Am I being unreasonable for being upset?

This is not acceptable at all.

Please address with him not only the lack of responses but also the lack of help in general.

I think men in particular can get very used to having a "help" at home. If

Sorry posted too soon.

If he was a single parent he would have to respond to things and work would carry on as normal.

I would say from now on he has to commit to the jobs he is doing so you don't need to message. So he needs to do the football run and if that means leaving a meeting at 530 so be it. Plenty of people have to.

He is disrespecting you and you shouldn't allow it.

The caravan one is awful too. I hope he called you back later to check in.
My partner can often miss a text for a couple of hours and I find that hurtful if I need something (like your caravan example), but overall he replies to things where I need an answer within an hour or so and does make efforts to, or apologises when he realises he's missed something.

OP, you do too much and he does too little.

I wasn’t surprised when you posted you work full time and then have more housework than him too.

Time to start making changes, he needs to pull his weight. He is taking you for granted and the lack of response is a symptom of that.

Out of me and DH, I am the one who doesn’t enjoy texting people. DH is very quick to respond to everyone, including me. I put off responding to messages that require a lot of writing e.g. from family I haven’t seen in a while. But I do see it as essential to respond to DH, as they keep the home running.

I think you should start doing to him, for a taste of his own medicine. Does he text you? Ignore him and then message the group chat.

That's you only takeaway from this? Or do I take it that you broadly agree with all my other points (while entirely missing the hyperbole)

It seems like you have the mental load of managing your family, despite both of you working full time.

He values his time more than yours. You can deal with DC and house grunt work, because his job is more important than yours.

Him not responding is a symptom of how he values your contribution to keeping your family and house going. The texts you've sent are reasonable, him ignoring them indicates he doesn't need to worry about home stuff because he's too busy being important at work.

Why are people being so fucking obtuse?

Whatsapp is an app used for messaging people. Same as texting.

It's been a very long time since making a phone call was the primary method of getting in contact with someone, as to waiting till you're face to face before you ask your partner a non-urgent question - well, honestly, words fail me. Sure if you're happy being the 1950s housewife whose husband isn't contactable unless he's in the house, but I'm not. I like to have a mutual partner not a lord and master.

OP, what you’ve described is not normal, no. If he had a general issue with using whatsapp / social media to communicate in the day that would be different, but he doesn’t and therefore his lack of communication to you is definitely off. Honestly it sounds like he just can’t be bothered to respond to you as your messages are practical and/or questions. Just laziness and a lack of consideration.
As to WHY he is being that way, well I’d be asking him. Maybe he is just being thoughtless but either way it’s not on.

Not for everyone. All my social circle bar two prefer to actually speak to each other.

Quite. People will be suggesting she strap a message to a pigeon next.

Did you not read the OP?! THE FIRST SENTENCE!

Lots of anti-social media and anti-messaging posts on this thread, interestingly enough from people I see posting on here regularly enough throughout the day that I recognise their names.

WhatsApp - future tech, ruining our ability to be organised and get on with work, technology bad, old man yells at cloud etc.

Posting all day everyday on Mumsnet - yay!

Fwiw OP I think your husband is being rude. My husband and I ping messages back and forth to eachother through the working day and neither of us would ignore something important or a question that needed an answer. It takes two seconds to reply.

OP, he is not on.

Screenshot the last Whatsapp post he responded to you and show him the date and ask him what happened since then that made him ignore your messages.

Sounds like he needs kicking to the curb. What a shitty thing for him to do to his wife.

This makes me so mad I'd go on strike. Don't do his laundry or cook his meals or buy his fave goods. If he asks why, don't reply. Don't respond to his Whatsapps. If you don't exist, neither does he.

He is avoiding responsibility! Your messages are a pain for him while the other messages are just fun, puerile stuff which he is happy to participate it. He needs to grow up and take responsibility.

Interesting point. I class this as a forum, not social media.

For my part, some of the modern technology is fabulous when used correctly. Messaging for me is a great way to download my brain in a way that is not intrusive to the recipient. They can look and respond at their leisure. Most people I know use it this way.

Where it all goes wrong is when an instant response is expected (IMHO). It clearly isn't working for the OP and her partner. It could, but it isn't currently, so a discussion is required.

@C1N1C Am I the only one old enough to remember those days when we had landlines and you'd be lucky to even get a call from your partner?* Gone at 8, back at 6, how was your day dear?* Work = busy

Ah yes those good ole' days when you wouldn't find out that your DC was rushed to hospital and is in surgery already, until teatime. Or that your wife went into labour, had a baby and you now have a son.
Them good ole' days when your DC forgot his house key and will be sat outside in -4°c until you get home at 6, because he can't call you to you to come home early or to meet you somewhere half way, to hand him another key.
Or the good ole' days when your DC is lost on his way home from somewhere in the dark at night/missed the bus and needs you to come pick him up?

Yes. Oh how I miss that....😳

find out that your DC was rushed to hospital and is in surgery already, until teatime. Or that your wife went into labour, had a baby and you now have a son.

They still had phones in those days, we used to just call. (Admittedly, I started work in the mid eighties, but it was definitely possible to call in those days).

Them good ole' days when your DC forgot his house key and will be sat outside in -4°c until you get home at 6

Bet they only did it once though. Or maybe used a payphone (such things existed before mobile phones).

DC is lost on his way home from somewhere in the dark at night/missed the bus and needs you to come pick him up?

Again, we just used a phone box. Or learned to be more self sufficient.

Perhaps you should message him on the family WhatsApp, (by mistake) he might respond then.

My husband is like this. Drives me mad.

My FIL once was told at school that his family had moved house during the day and given 50p by the Head to travel to the new town.

His mum had had even more of a shock when the removal van turned up unannounced...the dad, a rural police officer was moved post but no-one actually told them...

FIL's in his mid 80s and really good at communicating! I always liaise with him over practicalities.

Interesting point. I class this as a forum, not social media. Yes it's a forum. They have been around a lot longer than social media.

And are much better in many ways IMHO.

i'm going to be honest.... i what's-app all the time, to certain groups, and i have other groups on mute and others i just dont respond to at all for no other reason that i don't see it as important!

my husband messages me religiously, he travels to work on a pedal cycle, and i get an i'm here when he gets to work or an i'm home when he gets home and im not there.. i answer neither.. infact i rarely answer any of his messages, not because i don't love him or i don't respect him... we just have such a good relationship that we just dont see its necessary

I understand he has a stressful job and maybe just can’t compartmentalise like women can.
politely, op, yes they can. Men run countries, they direct wars, they are double agents living behind enemy lines. Men have jobs and entire second families. Men have jobs and hobbies and they manage to commit to both. Many many men have jobs and families and commit to both. Not yours, he commits fuck all attention or effort or time or care to his family and you need to get much angrier, as well as start to think seriously about what life looks like without him. While you do that, start asking. Sit down in person and say I’m really stressed and overloaded and I get no support from you. I’m starting to think you having the kids 3 days a week in your own house would make my life so much easier. And yours harder since you do no thinking at all for them at the moment nor any managing the house. Would you like to separate or step up?

Why can’t she expect a reply during working hours when he’s replying to other stuff?

Marriages need communication and one or two messages a day is hardly being demanding of his time.

Many of these responses are odd. The OP also works, and seems to have to take all the mental load. He zones out in the evening she does all the family work. Her DH is clearly technologically capable but just won't reply to her sepecifically. She's asking actual questions not just 'hi honey watcha doing?' He seems to me rude and/or lazy. But a huge chunk of the replies are an ode to the good old days when you needed to rush out to the village phone box with your 2p coin or book ahead to make a call overseas! On a different thread/day it would be all LTB.