Husband never responds to WhatsApp’s

[Leigh1988]

I don’t pester my husband. I only really message him if I have something that requires some input. E.g. will you be back in time to take our son football- or should I meet you there- or did you pick up the paint you said you was going to get and the most recent one being that our caravan flooded and I wanted his advice on something.

It may be one message a day that requires a response from him. All messages are read and then ignored. I even see him online and on two of the most recent occasions I know he was not working.

He has a busy job so I do not expect a reply instantly. But nothing at all? Then sometimes as quick as 5 minutes after me sending a message he will comment or input something on the family chat we have with his siblings and parents. He will always reply to that or send memes on instagram.

it’s becoming more regular and making me feel really rubbish to be honest. I always think it’s polite to even acknowledge it. Even a sodding thumbs up .

I have addressed it before- maybe not in a serious way but more of a ‘ well you just ignore anything I message you’ and his response was to laugh. I just can’t imagine ever being that rude to him that if he needed to know something that I just read it and ignore it. I just don’t know if this is normal behaviour and that most husbands are the same or is it something I should raise?

Am I being unreasonable for being upset?

i wonder what the responses would be if a man posted the exact same question...

so my wife ignores my messages bugt replies to the family etc...

would the woman bashing commence? im going to guess not. in the grand scheme of things i think you are over -reacting

Start messaging him on the group chat instead

I think faffing is significantly different from a specific request to a partner. These don't take 5 secs.
The op will find out when she asks him why.
At present, we're guessing.

What's your problem?. She needed to know because the painters were coming. You are just being facetious.

@Leigh1988 please ignore them!

How long would replying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the question ‘have you got the paint’ taken him then, in your opinion?

Alternatively, wait until he gets home, find out whether he's bought paint, then deal with whichever option.

Or maybe normal and not batshit mad?

She has literally said she isnt bugging him! And whatsapp is hardly social media its a messaging service for most people...

OP this would annoy me and is downright rude

I am a man. My wife is rubbish with a mobile phone. I message, or call and her phone is somewhere else in the house, so she doesn't respond. Does it mean she doesn't love me anymore? No. Does it mean I love her any less? Of course not. It's hardly the most important thing in the world.

Of course it would be handy for her to answer it if I'm phoning about something important, however it's usually only important in that moment, and nothing that either of us will be bothered with, ooh, about five minutes later.

Of all the important things in life to really worry about, whether she responds to me in twenty milliseconds is hardly one of them.

Edited to add that we both grew up with none of this shit that is sms, WhatsApp, social media etc etc.

So stop responding to his messages

Update for people who have commented. I appreciate all responses. Even though some make out I’m a naggy wife 😂 that’s your opinion and you’ve gone off one post with limited information so that’s fair to make that assumption.

With 3 young children and full time jobs we do need to communicate if things change etc. I probably will message once or twice a day. Not always with requests. Not asking for him to come running to my rescue. My message may be have a good day. How did your meeting go? If he told me he was worried about a meeting but in the past couple of months when things have cropped up or I’ve sent messages like this I have noticed that he will just ignore things that I may need responses to, or as a wife I think I deserve a response to. I’m not asking for a full blown paragraph I just need a simple- ‘ thumbs up’ so I know he’s making football practice. Or ‘meeting went Ok’ after I’ve sat there trying to support him all night when he’s been stressed about something. I’ve just felt like the silence has been increasing and ignoring it almost bordered on slightly disrespectful to me.

I guess I have seen the other side- maybe I do rely too much on socials to communicate but with extremely busy lives and a request of not too call- it’s the only way I know how.
I just feel like it’s a one way street. I will always acknowledge something he says- just so he knows I heard it. That’s all.

thanks for all your input. Even though sometimes it’s hard to hear I’m happy to hear different opinions. Many thanks,
Leigh x

I think, if nothing else, this thread has proved that we are all different.

To which the response, in truest Life of Brian fashion, has to be....

"I'm not" 😂

Does he have an Apple Watch? I quite often forget to respond when I've opened it on my watch

It does sound disrespectful.

Can’t believe the posters saying ‘wifey should shush and not expect anything, big man working shush’ 🙄

Youre not expecting him to answer every time/if it doesn’t need a response. And why the hell are you doing everything while he gets to unwind?

Hope he responds well to a conversation.

Sounds like you’re at the bottom of his list of priority’s OP.
Oh, it’s just wife, I won’t bother answering her!
The next time he ignores your message but then answers in the family chat I would message and say
Your wife would also like a reply to her message sent 30 mins ago. Every single time. He’s being very disrespectful ignoring you.

My DH is shit at responding but it’s not just me, he doesn’t respond to anyone - friends, family, anyone who isn’t his work related, we all get ignored.

I am not sure whether this makes it less annoying - as at least he isn’t singling me out - or more annoying as it means we also miss out on social/family stuff because he’s failed to reply (and of course my MIL now messages me instead as DH is useless).

I suggest calling - if one or two meetings get interrupted and he is embarrassed then maybe he’ll learn to reply to messages?

Absolutely this. No, it's not normal, you are not a pest. He is rude and disrespectful to you. He ignores questions to do with the smooth running of the house (yet has time to send memes) then comes home and 'zones out ' while you (carry on) doing everything. OP your husband is a dick.

That’s a fair point ! Maybe the call will trigger the reply.

I mean… I am not perfect I genuinely forget to reply to people if I read a message while I’m in the middle of something but it’s constant. I went through our WhatsApp this morning and it’s all green and no white. It’s like I’m some mad stalker like the baby reindeer Martha sending man email a day for no reason lol.

😂😂 I’ve really felt so the last few months. I feel like I’m drowning and sometimes I just want somebody to ask how my day went back and how was that thing I felt nervous about. I understand he has a stressful job and maybe just can’t compartmentalise like women can. I do wish he would do more at home but that’s another conversation all together. That’s also on me as I’ve always just done it and never communicated my need for more support there.

Sounds like deliberate disrespect to me. He’s intentionally ignoring your messages. If he’s always been this way maybe it means nothing but if this is a sudden change it probably means more. Also the fact that he replies to the group messages is also him saying in his own way that “you don’t matter”

I appreciate a man’s perspective. So thanks for taking the time to reply.

to me it’s not the fact that I need him at my beck and call and to be at the other end of the line- I know from being in so many group WhatsApps how draining it can be to be accessible 24/7. I just wonder why other people can get replies and responses when mine goes ignored and I genuinely do need to know whether he’s going to be able to make kids clubs to help me with the load. I have 3 children and sometimes I have to juggle on a fine shoe string to keep things ticking and sometimes just a little thumbs up so J know he will be able to grab DD while I grab DS just makes everything run smoother and stops me from having to second guess everything .

I am also pretty rubbish with my phone but to me, we’re meant to be a team and I know he is capable of putting that effort in for other people as hes always on his phone. I just don’t know how hard it can be for a simple response to his wife.

I appreciate your comment though and maybe I should just accept that he may not make it and just rely on my other support network for children bits and if he turns up, he turns up!

It’s definitely increased in the last 4 months. I believe it’s why it’s playing on my mind.

Genuinely seen something similar and yes- they do women bash 😂 apparently we’re all cheating.

appreciate you think I’m overreacting. I know Deep down that I shouldn’t care but I think the decrease in communication is making me feel uneasy and it does make my life harder as I have to arrange extra help with things. I just want a simple yes or no. And watching him send memes and comment on other chats just makes me wonder why he can’t just communicate a simple yes or no to take some pressure off me for second guessing things.

likelihood is that he doesn’t know he’s making me feel so stressed so I need to communicate at home more. I am not perfect.

I'm still not clear on whether this is an arrangement made previously that you are confirming with a message, in which case I would assume it will happen and have his balls if it doesn't. Or whether it is a change to an arrangement, in which case a message isn't the correct format.

Every week is different and depends on how long his meetings run. Hence the no call communication but also the reason I need to know whether he will make it so I can make alternative arrangements.