To not be remotely involved in teen's gcse revision

[driedapricots101]

Just seen a post about ensuring this & that for language gcses.. tbh I didn't even understand it because whilst my teen sits theirs in may, I have not been remotely involved in their studies. They are bright & independent & I'm trusting they know what they need to do.. they tell me they do & mocks grades are all good.. im hoping other parents take a back seat at this stage too..some ive spoken to could probably sit the exams themselves so involved are they... or am i being a rubbish parent?!

The OP has irritated me. The disingenuous wide-eyed, ‘my kid is clever, hard-working and doing well. Other kids are only doing well because they have over-involved parents. I am the cool uninvolved parent whose child doesn’t need my help. Am I a rubbish mum (I know I am not really butwant some validation) 🙄🙄🙄

I suspect you are suddenly feeling panicky that your hands-off approach might not be enough. Don’t worry. If your child is doing well then carry on. But do show some interest.

My kids refused help with anything. Both weirdly obsessed with never wanting help as their work had to be their ‘own’. They didn’t take kindly to any offers of academic support from us. And would have laughed if I had helped make a revision timetable. Whilst I was relieved not to have to test them on quotes from Jane Eyre or history dates, it would have been nice to get a look-in.

Anyway they got the top grades and are at uni now. My cousin was very very involved with his boys and even now completes their Oxbridge kids’ internship applications to banks etc for them. It works as they get offers everywhere!

Each family is different. Some kids want and need more than others and that’s ok. As parents we need to offer them a quiet space, food and drink and a supportive environment without too much pressure. The extra details don’t matter so much.

I don't help. DS is far brighter than I am and doesn't need my help. I didn't do well at GCSEs and I don't have A levels or a degree myself. If he was struggling I'd hire a tutor as I'd be no use anyway. I'm here for emotional support and provider of snacks!

Yes, definitely the summer birthday pupils are still only 13, still babies when thinking about taking ownership and responsibility of GCSE grades.

I’ve not heard of this approach before—I wonder what happens to those who want to continue at A Level, and whether they start the course in Y10 or sit out for two years, and if so, what effect that has on their language retention…

You sound amazing. What a shit show of an education system. Your child is lucky to have you. What a pain in the neck for you to have to do all this.

By support, I tidy their room for them, take hot drinks up, make up nice snacks. I don't get involved academically.

DD is doing A Levels and DS GCSEs. They're both clever but DD is motivated and DS is bone idle. I nag him more and I explain to him about consequences eg resitting a year, but I still don't get involved.

Depends on the child. It also depends on the teaching and the parents and a load of other stuff.

I have 2 daughters. Both are coming to finals at uni.

One scraped 5 and 6 at GCSE - she studied like hell, revised for weeks, she worked sooooo hard and was disappointed. Significantly better results at A level as more work was student led which meant her hard work paid off.
The other got 8s and 9s at GCSE, very little revision, not a study plan in sight etc. Got slightly worse at A level as unable to wing it quite so much.

Both heading for Firsts at uni barring any big surprises.

Yeah, I'll just second all this and caveat my earlier post that my ds managed through his gcse's alone fine because he did it alongside a functioning school with actual teachers.

You might be an ok parent, but I hope you aren't passing that smugness to your children.

One of mine won't need me for anything academic, but will require me ensuring he eats/drinks and gets a bit of fresh air.

The other will need me to be there and keep him on track, he has inattentive ADHD and will have a prompter in his exams. He's exceptionally bright, but without the right environment won't reach his potential.

I'd be a fucking failure as both a parent and human if I couldn't recognise that they have different needs and act accordingly.

Both are predicted 7-9 across the board for their subjects by their school, but it's important the get the right, individual support at home.

It's a skill set DC school has been lax about teaching. I ended up teaching DS it and he's applying it to A-levels.

Also DH and I sat 9 GCSE my kids 12-14 GCSE and the exams start fairly early in Y10 as well and mine are all very young in school year. So DH and I were 16 our older two kids had finished one GCSE completely aged 14 still and sat substantial amount of many others.

I can see both sides. Some children do need more support than others but there is a line between present and interested and trying to micromanage your teenagers' lives. I read the thread the OP mentions and I did think some of it was a bit bonkers to be honest.
GCSEs is a funny time as teenagers mature at such different rates, and some people will have children who are nearing 17 and others will still be 15 when they sit the exams. I certainly noticed a big difference in maturity between my DD who was quite old for the year and my DS who was one of the youngest at that stage. It's not surprising that some need more parental input than others. Plus obviously it depends on the school. If I had to make sure my DC knew some of the stuff discussec on that thread I would be very unimpressed by their teachers but I do appreciate not everyone is as fortunate.
But I do think that by 6th form, study should be largely self directed (barring additional needs of course.) My youngest is just coming up to A levels. I check that he's ok regularly, keep him fed and watered and DH and I help him with queries if we can and point him in other directions if we can't. But it's up to him otherwise. He knows what he wants to do in the future,what he needs to do to get there and when and how to get help. Obviously I want him to do well and I do worry sometimes but he needs to be self motivated and organised at this stage. I know parents who do things like sit next to their 6th formers all evening to watch that they are actually working, and have their revision timetables on their phones so they can check they're keeping to schedule. I think that's nuts. These young people will, all being well, be living independently at University in 5 months time!

DS was in this position with a few subjects - did okay overall and is doing great at college.

DD2 does seems to have teachers but two subject - one core and two GCSE new teacher is struggling and another it's not their subject area and it's showing in how poorly entire class is doing.

I help by asking my son questions, motivating him etc. He’s not into school work at all and if he had his way would read, sit with the dog or game. My other son is the polar opposite and every so often will ask me to ask him things

@driedapricots101 I understand what you mean.

It does though depend on the child. DS1 is bright but easily bored if he isn't interested in a topic. He made it very clear he did not want any help with his GCSE's. If I had insisted it would have damaged our relationship.

He did OK with his GCSE's and got enough to move on to college.

DS2 I suspect will be more open to help, although ironically he doesn't really need any as he is bright and well motivated.

That is nuts! DS1 is finishing a BTEC and will be going to uni in September

I can imagine his reaction if I tried to micro manage him!

This is encouraging to read as DD won't set the world on fire with results but we hope will get what she needs to do a levels at 6th form. The subjects she has chosen are ones she loves and is good at. She unfortunately also needs the minimum 5s for the umber of passes in subjects she a)hates and b)has always struggled with.

I'm told so often that because of this she's going to find a levels too much. But surely for some kids like your DD, if you are only doing those few subjects you have chosen because you enjoy them and are good at, without the other stuff there's every chance that actually, you could do very well?

@Testina hit the nail on its head. But for what it’s worth, my bright and independent and good grade getting child has me involved in their studying and exams, but I care about my teens life.

My DD was the same as yours @driedapricots101 which was just as well as I was dealing with dying parent at the time so wouldn’t have had the bandwidth if I’d wanted to.

I realise that I’m just lucky with the way she’s turned out though - she certainly doesn’t get her self-discipline and time management skills from me!

Exactly. It also helped that EVERYONE in the classroom had chosen to do the subject and numbers were lower... much less lesson time spent on disruptive behaviour. Some kids also come into their own when they are that bit older too.
Good luck to your DD.

My parents were very involved in my revision.

I practiced the oral exams for French and German with them. Then my dad did science revision with me. He’d be back from work 7/8pm and we’d be go over stuff until 10pm.

I was an A* everything student though and know I wouldn’t have done as well as I did without my parents help. Grateful for it now as I have the career I want on good money.

But it really depends on your child’s learning style. I learnt a lot by talking g things through and explaining concepts to other people but can appreciate that others don’t learn this way.

Yes, I think this is particularly true of subjects which are compulsory lower down the school like Maths, or which are perceived as "easy" at GCSE. My DS found GCSE PE very frustrating as there were quite a lot of disruptive boys in the class who thought they'd be doing nothing except play football and weren't interested in theory. A level is, if you pardon the pun, a whole different ball game - small class of very focused pupils and he's absolutely loved it.

I don't have anything to do with the actual study & and revision, but I do support in practical ways. Making a nice dinner,.having good snacks in, giving a lift to school, and getting coffee and breakfast on the way. Making them come & walk the dog with me so they get a break from studying and some fresh air.

There’s a bridging option in yr10/11 for those who want to do it at A Level (the school has no sixth form so not sure if that’s why they don’t do the A Level or if it because it would e too much alongside GCSEs).

If your child is independent, old enough to self study, blah blah blah just thank your lucky stars. You don’t necessarily deserve a pat on the back. You are just lucky.
As for @hangingonfordearlife1 and this sort of parenting, setting kids up to fail. Do you honestly think, we would be micromanaging our kids study and lives if they could cope like yours? No, we have no choice as caring parents as our children have additional needs, whether they are obvious to you or not.
I hope as an exam’s officer you don’t interact with the kids and make the ones needing help feel less than?

Again, first poster nails it

Well said @Panarycatty

When DD was doing her GCSEs the school had a policy of the pupils taking two short fat GCSEs in year 10 and the remaining 8 in year 11. As a summer born, DD was only 14 when she sat two in year 10, and 15 when she sat the rest in year 11. Yes, I did help her with revision because she wanted me to.

Some pupils will be nearly 17 when they sit GCSEs, and there is a world of difference in emotional maturity at that age. By A level she was pretty much self sufficient, but she still wanted me to test her on some of her facts.

I didn't hover over her to revise as she was mature enough to know that doing well mattered.