To not be remotely involved in teen's gcse revision

[driedapricots101]

Just seen a post about ensuring this & that for language gcses.. tbh I didn't even understand it because whilst my teen sits theirs in may, I have not been remotely involved in their studies. They are bright & independent & I'm trusting they know what they need to do.. they tell me they do & mocks grades are all good.. im hoping other parents take a back seat at this stage too..some ive spoken to could probably sit the exams themselves so involved are they... or am i being a rubbish parent?!

I didn't do well in my gcses, so don't have much to offer my child other then numerous study materials. They are predicted good grades and go to a good school so hoping that's enough.

So making sure they allocate time to revise
Getting the revision supplies and snacks
Offering to test them with flash cards that they have written out will all help and ensure that they are revising.
Also encouraging them to take breaks for their well-being.

Something like a walk is good but if that's not some think they would do, take them for a costa/ Starbucks. Or for a quick fast food lunch.

They will always thank you for being interested and present.

My son sits his GCSEs this year. IMO he’s not doing nearly enough revision for his aspirations. He’ll get the college place he wants but I think he might be disappointed with his grades. I’ve expressed my views and offered support but they need to learn self motivation and self discipline. They need to know how much work they need to put in.

If they can't organise revision they have no hope of getting on in life

I think that's rather harsh. The average GCSE student has probably at least 20 exams. Being able to ensure they know each topic covered on each paper to a sufficient level (or make pragmatic decisions that they won't revise topics), and working out how to spread their time to make sure that it's possible to do this whilst factoring in time for hobbies, other commitments and rest periods, and also finding (and possibly printing) their own revision materials and also making sure that they have the correct stationary, and being aware of how exact exam dates affect your schedule ... is really not easy, and a high level of multi tasking and priority balancing that an awful lot of adults don't have to manage at any other point of their lives.

What bloody nonsense. I failed all my O levels (as they were called back then), a lack of support from my parents was definitely part of that failure. I didn’t understand how to organise revision, the school didn’t help either. I went on to have a perfectly successful career, but I had to teach myself those organisational skills that adults (including my parents)could have taught me when I was at school.

What? Write off a child at 15/16 for life? Have they been taught how to revise? Or do you just expect that to come naturally? It depends on how good the school is, my children's school was really good, parents invited in for revision evenings, advising the parents on how to do things, sending us home with massive A 3 sheets of things for English lit and Lang, specific matrix red/amber/green for each maths question on their mock paper with an actual link to a maths site on how to solve this type of question and some test questions to check you understood it.

The school down the road? Pretty much fuck all according to the parents. That was the difference between the outstanding, oversubscribed school and the one that was verging on requires improvement.

I couldn't disagree with you more. I'm amazed that as an examination officer that you don't know that all 15/16 year olds are different with different abilities, or is it a very academic school?

You are lucky that you have a self motivated child who enjoys learning. Many young people still need guidance on how to revise at this age. It doesn't mean that they can't learn at this stage, and then be self sufficient for A level and beyond.

Having zero interest in your child's education when they are struggling is setting your kids up for a huge fail.

@SlipperyLizard if they are taking a language in year 9 won't they forget a lot of basics if they decide to take it at A level? I agree that it is odd to do this subject in year 9. Besides, universities are keener than ever that pupils sit all their GCSEs at the same time rather than piecemeal.

You should have plan B transport to school worked out.

Goodness, yes. We needed a plan B because the school bus was often cancelled or delayed. Being rural there were no other viable transport options.

The issue I would worry about for DC2 is that if you help them a lot through GCSEs they won't really be set up for self study at A Level

I disagree. Learning how to revise is very important, and if it is at GCSE level they should have learned enough then to see them through A level and beyond.

If they can't organise revision they have no hope of getting on in life

They need guidance on how to revise though. It doesn't come magically for many pupils of that age. DD's school was excellent with revision lessons, but not all schools are able to do this. So you would just let a child sink or swim then @RuthW?

Gosh there are some smug parents on here

I got involved, because I just don't believe mine concentrated enough in school time, and I also know they were underestimating the amount of study that was required to get good grades. So yes I intervened. At times it was a bit of a battle, and a complete pain in the arse, but it paid off and they thanked me for it afterwards, both admitting they wouldn't have got the same results otherwise. Everyone's kids are completely different. I just know mine needed that extra help to get off to the best start. Now it is up to them. Grades aren't everything but it can help.

I'm with you OP. Personally, I checked how Yr7 and Yr 8 went as I think that's the time to learn how to manage school before it gets more serious.

I've seen friends who've almost micromanaged their DCs for GCSEs and A-levels, with the end result that when their DCs started uni (and not livingat home), they couldn't manage their studies as they hadn't had to take responsibility before.

My parents did not get involved in mine; I did not get involved with my DDs'. I helped if they asked, but otherwise left them to it. They did fine.

DD's ex BF spent all his time in his room "revising" for his A levels. Parents were very hands off for GCSEs and A levels.

Except that he wasn't revising. He had turned 18 early in the school year and spent every evening drinking his secret stash of alcohol. He flunked his A levels and ended up in clearing.

Disclaimer I only tested DD on A level stuff when she asked for help. By then she was pretty self motivated.

I think it's really easy for a parent to be laid back and non-pushy if they have kids who are bright, motivated and independent. My dd was like this, and I didn't need to be involved in her revision because I knew that she knew what she was doing and that she would ask for help if needed.

Some kids need a lot more structure and support. I hope that, if I had had a child like that, I would have stepped up and provided whatever input was needed.

I think the key to good parenting is responding to the individual needs of your child(ren). It would be overbearing and disempowering to get overly involved in revision and homework for a child who is perfectly capable of managing this effectively independently, but it would be unsupportive and sometimes neglectful not to get involved for a child who needed adult support in order to fulfil their potential.

Totally depends, obviously I hope you're not ignoring them asking for help. My parents never helped but I never would have wanted them to.

I think you should absolutely get involved but not take over.

Sometimes it’s just about showing your child that you care and that you are there if they need help.

Even as adults we remember whether our parents were involved in our GCSEs or not and so it shows that it’s a big event in our lives.

My DD doesn’t like me getting too involved so I just buy resources like revision guides and flash cards, send her links to videos or websites that she might find useful and take her a snack and drink whilst she’s revising.

I provided encouragement and general support but didn't get directly involved at all.
The school provided lots of revision sessions which were almost certainly better than anything I could have done.
My son did very well in his GCSEs. I suspect if I'd tried to help more, I'd have made it worse...

No, I didn't get involved in my ds1's GCSE work. At his request. He did well. He's really flying doing his four A-Levels now, tackling subjects I couldn't help with for all the good will I could summon.

Why do you think this?

What do you consider to be "getting on in life"?

Yes, listening, reading & writing are next month.

When I was at secondary we all did French at the start then you could choose something different for gcse, I carried on with French but my sister did Spanish, I assumed that was still “normal”. At DD’s school you can choose a new language in yr 10 after doing either Spanish or French gcse in yr 9.

No other subjects are done early, it used to be a “specialist language school” or something back when schools used to try to label themselves and I think it is a hangover from those days. It is a massive school (1550 pupils). They don’t even get study leave for it!

Part of me likes the fact it is a gcse out of the way, but I probably wouldn’t feel the same if DD wasn’t predicted a 7/8. Summer born kids must be at a disadvantage?

In your position, I would leave her to it when it comes to the content of what she is revising, unless she asks for help, but familiarise yourself with her exam timetable, where she needs to be for each exam and the rubric - i.e. how many questions from each part of each paper she needs to answer. Just so you know the "logistics" for each exam, as it were.

The easiest way for a bright, self-motivated teen to do less well than predicated imo is to make a mistake on one of these things. And it's heartbreaking when it happens. So I'd have her back when it comes to the practical details.

It's not heartbreaking, it's just gcses - it's not life and death. It's annoying when you don't do as well as you hoped and then you learn to move on, adapt and learn. A run of green lights in life isn't really a great foundation to resilience as an adult.

@RampantIvy theres a “bridging option” for those who want to do A level (or those who, like my DD, would rather carry on some French in return for fewer PE lessons!).

I’m not sure it is a good system, but it is the only choice we had for secondary.

My daughters school is so monumentally fucked that if I didn't help her she'd fail most subjects through their failings and not her own. She hasn't had a teacher for geography at all for most of year 11. Her timetable averages 2/5 lessons per day are free lessons due to lack of staff. It's April and they haven't completed the science syllabus yet in either physics nor chemistry. I could sit and pass gcse geography, maths , English lit and double science at this point because I've taken it upon myself to make sure she does- which means 1 hour a day plus extra at weekends revising with me. When she can finally escape and get into college (most of her friends want to go to college too but with entry requirements generally demanding b in math English and science they have little chance) she'll not need this level of intervention. I've looked at other school options for my youngest but as I live in a deprived area with social problems, and have no money to pay for education,or travel to a better area they are all the same here. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. There is a crisis in education and staff are impossible to find- this is already breaking failing schools in poor areas but will begin to filter into the more affluent areas too before long. Overhaul of the system is desperately needed, and I won't let my daughter be a victim of a broken system if I can help it.

I never specifically helped. But I monitored screen time/bedtime/social stuff.

It isn't life or death, but it is naive to say that doing badly at GCSE doesn't close off more choices and opportunities.
My friend's D'S is retaking maths for the umpteenth time because it does make it more difficult to get a job without at least GCSEs in maths and English.