To not be remotely involved in teen's gcse revision

[driedapricots101]

Just seen a post about ensuring this & that for language gcses.. tbh I didn't even understand it because whilst my teen sits theirs in may, I have not been remotely involved in their studies. They are bright & independent & I'm trusting they know what they need to do.. they tell me they do & mocks grades are all good.. im hoping other parents take a back seat at this stage too..some ive spoken to could probably sit the exams themselves so involved are they... or am i being a rubbish parent?!

There are levels and layers. Rehearsing your German IRP speech with one of your parents holding the script you’ve memorised is pretty normal for an A Level languages student.

I really don’t mind making cups of tea and snacks either.

Surely it massively depends on the child

• do they have SEN (can still be very bright but find it hard to concentrate)
• do they like you testing them as a means to revise - my DS loved this for A level

On the whole, DD didn’t really want help, but DS did. DS probably just pips DD to post with brains but both are straight A students. Nothing wrong with helping your kids revise if they want/need the help.

Not just about ability - it's about personality.
DD1 - no input at all other than taking her cups of tea
DD2 - liked to sit in bed with me and we would work through CGP books for hours, me quizzing her on the topics and getting her to repeat lists to me. It helped as she'd be revising on her own in the day and get stale

Lucky you. Try having a kid with ADHD, ASC, other SENS or struggles or a kid in a school that isn’t that great at exam prep, has had staff issues….

This! It's not that he's so wonderful that he doesn't need help - he just doesn't want ANY of it.

I didn't do any exam prep outside of lessons in school.
I don't know if they still do it now, but I had two weeks off for study leave before my GCSE's which I spent at the stables.

My parents didn't even know what days my exams were on, but I wouldn't have wanted their help studying or to be asked "how did it go?" after an exam anyway.

@RedPony1 The content of GCSEs and general demand of them is vastly different to what they were even a decade ago, you really can't compare your experience with a student today, even without taking into account the impact of COVID and teacher retention and decline of classroom behaviour and the impact that has.

Aren’t you the lucky smug one?

It took both of us almost full time to support our ASD dd through GCSE. It was one of the worst times of my life.

You rock on though. I’m really pleased for you👌

I have everything from a very gifted child to one who will never pass an exam because of his special needs - I'm just as proud of all of them . They all have their own pathways and work to do - for me it's about providing an environment for them that is happy and calm.. we don't have guests or late nights during exam season and revision or work is given priority over chores or meal prep for older kids . Our eldest is at uni and often travels back to study because she knows there will be space to think and food in the fridge

@Araminta1003 - great answer!! I’d still provide tea and emotional support etc for DCs revising for uni exams if needed.

I was involved because it is an unfair playing field. A quick google tells me the most expensive private school in England costs £64k one assumes boarding and Eton a mere £50k. My children were competing against that so you are damn right I was involved in my children's state school education.

My parents were hands off and I wish that I had someone invested in my future. I expanded my children's education from year 7 really, then as GCSE years came round I read mark schemes and examiner's reports to arm myself with information to assist them. Clearly they did the work, sat the exams etc but I enhanced their revision, sought the best online sources which helped me understand what exam boards are looking for and helped my children understand that. I saved them time doing some research so they had time to dedicate to what mattered. They were forced to do core subjects they didn't like but they excelled in it.

I couldn't help them with their A levels and nor did I want to, they narrowed their choices and chose subjects they loved. I went to uni despite my parents I wanted my children to have a choice, the better the grades the more choices they have.

It totally depends on the child. My eldest is very academic and very independent- she wouldn’t want me involved beyond a little bit of testing her from notes she’s made (and she will tell me when, I don’t have to be organised about it!)

Exh has arranged a language exchange through a colleague which I’m grateful for.

My youngest has ADHD and dyslexia and will probably need me involved at every step of the way.

I have a child like yours, OP, who did their GCSEs last year. I occasionally asked how revision was going, and paid attention to his exam timetable. I proactively helped with testing on French (weakest subject and one where he wanted some help) and a little bit on English Literature, when asked.

I think he didn't need extra stress coming from us, and for him it worked better just to treat it as a series of tests and stay as relaxed as possible. It worked for him and he did very well.

I think you answered your own question OP by acknowledging your second born is different and will need more support . If DC1 is on it let them get on with it - and they will probably be irritated if you try and help when they don’t need or want it . The question ‘ do you need any help from me ‘ is good enough .

My parents weren't at all involved, nor was DH's, I did well, DH did fine, we both would have done better with a bit more support. I'm more hands on with mine, we negotiate gaming and revision time (not yet at that age though but trying to start now as they have end of term assessments each term, doing this to help him work out how he revises best), you can't force a horse to drink and all that but I am planning on being more involved than my parents are. He cracks on with all his homework though, I never need to get involved with that and haven't got a clue what is due when, I just get notified by an app that it's done

My youngest has ADHD so I'm expecting to need to help him with timetabling and time management.

Mine's just got on with it.

If she hadn't I'd have got involved but she hasn't needed it.

She's on study leave and revising every day without my input.

She studied most days over the Easter holidays, too.

My mother refused to let my sister & I revise at all! There was to be no extra revision and no emphasis placed on GCSEs at all except a 'do your best' and that worked for us!

Mine is autistic and in an online school as couldn't cope with school environment. I also pay for her to have maths tuition.

So it's not that I'm not involved or invested in her education, I just don't involve myself in her revision because she doesn't need me to.

I think people are way overreacting towards the op. As the parent on two ND kids I think it was a perfectly reasonable question.

Some people need to calm down and stop being so defensive.

Nagged my eldest for revision. She did do some. DD2 did no revision at all except read a few notes the night before exams. Still got much higher marks than DD1. ( 5A* 3A and a B) DS didn't do GCSEs as he was covid year 2020

My parents had no involvement whatsoever: neither of them did well at school and had no interest.

Not that they werent supportive : They did buy me a computer (which was very expensive compared to these days and they had probably went into debt to afford it)

I was top of my year for exam results

my husbands parents were very involved. He didn’t do very well in exams despite that

This does sum it up.

TBH I don't think it disadvantaged DS - he now knows how to revise and is applying that on his own to A-levels. He also bucked trend at his school where exam result from eldest joining school to DS year taking exams had collapsed.

He got enough high marks to get on extension programs at college which have really benefited him as well.

I think MN has view it's easy to re-take GCSE and these days it's often not and not having English and Maths at C/Level 4 closes many doors.

I do think there's balance though - and where that is very child dependent.

My child needs nagging / help. They are only doing one gcse this summer as in year 10 but I want them to realise that a bit of work and good revision pays off. I want them to pass this exam even if they only get a 4 I want them to know that they can pass and how good it feels. Hopefully then year 11 will be a bit better and they will choose to revise rather than be forced to.

It's your use of the word 'seemingly' that I'd say was pretty crap parenting. Do you not know for certain your kid has good mock results and knows what they're doing revision wise? You should be taking an interest, seeing their reports, congratulating them on good results, and good effort.

Involved doesn't mean sitting next to them at the kitchen table, writing revision cards for them then testing them having worked your way through the syllabus.

No, her actual gcse (mocks were earlier this year).

To be fair to the school (if I must, as I’m still not sure if I think it is a good policy or not!) they do more language lessons each week in yrs 7-9 than other subjects, and I guess it is no different to a pupil who chooses a new language as an option in year 10, and then has only two years to learn.

Im not sure many 13/14 year olds grasp the importance of study/revision etc (certainly some of DDs’ friends seem to have been very relaxed about revision!).