To not be remotely involved in teen's gcse revision

[driedapricots101]

Just seen a post about ensuring this & that for language gcses.. tbh I didn't even understand it because whilst my teen sits theirs in may, I have not been remotely involved in their studies. They are bright & independent & I'm trusting they know what they need to do.. they tell me they do & mocks grades are all good.. im hoping other parents take a back seat at this stage too..some ive spoken to could probably sit the exams themselves so involved are they... or am i being a rubbish parent?!

I get what you mean OP. I've always firmly believed that my kids should want to do well at school for themselves, not for me.

I instilled a good attitude in them from the start of primary school, when they did need my help, and I now make sure they have everything they need - food, a suitable environment in which to work, the right tools, etc. If they ask me to test them against their notes, I'll gladly do so.

They know I care and that I'm proud of them. The details of their revision are up to them.

And of course I realise that all kids are different, but I am saying this to reassure OP that there are other parents out there who don't get involved and it's not because we're bad parents.

My parents took not one jot of interest in me.. I 'failed' my GCSE's it reduced my options going forward .. It took me along time to 'feel good' about myself.

I have ensured my child is not in the same position, I have learnt topics to help her understand them. I'm pushing her to do her best - nudging her along the way.

I don't regret it - she is doing far better than I did .. she is also far more confident and well rounded.

YABU "hoping other parents take a back seat at this stage too"

What an odd position. Just do what's right by your own child surely. How will it help your child in later life when they say why didn't you encourage me to say oh well some other parents didn't bother either?

Gloat post. Mine has ADHD.

I cannot thank of a more soul-destroying or more surefire way to put a teen off their revision than a parent taking ownership!!

The sort of things I helped with were usually asking questions in the revision guide. That was mostly science.

With languages the DC had to learn stuff off by heart. So I helped by asking the questions for the orals and making sure he could recite the answers. It’s similar with A level - he has a paragraph about his project memorised plus I ask questions on the topic and he answers.

My hands off approach is due in part to once having this woman work for me, who was absolutely useless. She had straight As. Basically could barely wipe her arse unless she'd been shown how to first. She did tell me she'd sat down with her parents all through school to do her homework/revision. I know it's one person, but did put me off my child getting false grades.

My parents were like this, I’m sure they would have said I was doing fine by myself but it just felt like they didn’t give a shit tbh. I’m not saying they should have sat down with me to revise but I think it’s always nice to show an interest, like you would if someone was going through a stressful time at work.

I helped my teen do their revision timetables for end-of-year exams in Y7, Y8, and Y9. From Y10 I reminded them that they needed one, forwarded them the email from school, and DC said that they made one and appeared to be doing lots of revision. Because hand-holding took place in Y7-9, I loosened the reins and allowed for independence. Whilst my child copes this way, I do understand that every child is different and some may require more support than others.

I helped my daughter because she needed me too. Read out flash cards with questions and answers, topped up revision boxes I'd made for treats while she studied and stopped all chores so she had only school to worry about.
She struggled though to get 4s and needed that extra support at home.
Every young person is different but as long as they get appropriate support for them that's all that counts

My GCSE age DS (also ASD) doesn't benefit from my input. He's in the top sets academically and has always preferred to work independently without me needing to push or guide him. So I've let him get on with it other than regular check ins to see if he'd like me to do anything. He's motivated and a good wee studier so I'm happy to let him just crack on. I don't imagine my other DC will be the same, they already need more pushing than DS ever did. I was a self motivated learner and had very little parental input and did really well so I don't think I'm doing him a disservice. The support DS needs takes other forms. All children are different in the levels of parental input they need.

Was this a French mock speaking exam? If not, it seems like Y9s would be terribly disadvantaged with their grade outcomes vs a pupil who had 24 more months of French learning before their exam!!!

My parents weren't involved at all with mine. I need to be with DD as she has ADHD so I feel like I've got to keep her on track throughout but she's doing a pretty decent job by herself so far. I'd not get involved if I didn't feel it necessary though.

My eldest would not accept any help whatsoever. He shut himself in his room and refused to even discuss revision timetable (or lack of it!).

All we could do was make sure he was fed, be positive and encouraging, and ensure that he didn’t have to worry about any logistics etc.

He would occasionally talk to my DH about maths but that was it. I was completely prepared to help him with testing etc, but the suggestion used to freak him out so we just left it.

There are different ways to support your child.

If you've got a child that's doing well and seems to be on top of everything then just be grateful you have an independent learner.

I'd still suggest having conversations with them. Do you have everything you need for the exam? Would you like more pens so you have lots of spares (I may have a slight obsession about pens)? Can I print anything off for you? or simply, more generally - you seem to be on top of your revision but please let me know if there is anything I can do to help or simply be here for someone to vent to. It's very easy for a child to tell a parent they sense is not really interested that everything is "fine" whilst silently panicking inside.

Even if you are leaving them to get on with their revision I'd suggest paving their way in terms of making other things easier. This is about the point, with a month to go, where you might offer more lifts rather than expecting them to get the bus, or ease up on expectation of household chores. Or simply get in a hefty supply of their favourite snack :) So you are supporting in a way that is not micro managing and they get the message that you are helping in your own way.

I wish my teenage son had let me get a bit more involved, but he didn’t want any input from us at all. I feel guilty that I didn’t try harder.

If you have a teen that is pretending the exams are not going to happen and not actually doing any revision, then it might actually be quite useful to have a parent sit down with them and work out where they are struggling and try to put some scaffolding and structure around them. And yes, he was grateful.

No, that's not appropriate for all teens, but that's surely the main message of this thread?

Totally depends on the child, I had planned to be very “hands off” like my parents were with me. I got increasingly concerned that my DS wasn’t doing any revision so I changed tack and got involved, he still failed.

My DD on the other hand is intelligent, independent, motivated and diligent. I won’t be getting involved unless she asks me to.

Depends on the child and frankly the school.

DC school isn't good - teacher retention is poor - my older DC had few experience of exams or mocks before actual ones and in some subject the notes were dire. DH and I had end of year exams in our schooling not done for them - DD1 first exam sat in formal condition was her first GCSE at Christmas Y10- then covid hit.

DS asked for help - no idea how to revise never covered for him and there were gaps in notes and teaching due to teacher changes and absences and he felt overwhelmed - sat down with him he did well and has taken that knowledge and doesn't feel he needs help for AS levels exams - (In wales there 40% of exam).

DD1 never wanted help - always tried to insist reading though notes was enough - struggled through A-levels and is doing better with 100% course work first year at uni. I think soem of that poor exam revision.

DD2 is in Y10 facing first GCSE exams soon - and seems not to have taken on board what they are - school hasn't helped - so yea I'm trying to make sure some is done and especially in two subjects where she complained about teaching and in one her grades have hugely dropped. 3 of them are 40% of end mark - so if she does poorly it going to be hard to make up next year in Y11.

I've got the frustrating combination of a DD that reacts badly to all attempts at helping but equally hasn't got on with it until the last minute and is now complaining about how hard she's having to work.

I have ADHD and although I was smart, I struggled with revision, so I barely did any. I really wish my parents had helped me in some way because I left school feeling like an absolute failure.

DD also has ADHD and you can be damn sure I'm going to support her in any way I can!

Surely depends on the child. My parents didn't get involved. I was a swotty child, set myself a detailed and balanced revision timetable, stuck to it and got a great set of results, better than my best hopes.

My sister couldn't have cared less about her exams, did nil revision, and didn't get anything above an 'E'. In defence of my parents, she'd have resisted intervention even if offered. She was certainly capable of decent results - once she was settled down as an adult, she retook various exams and did fine, and got distinctions in some professional exams she took.

Mine are also bright, very independent and high achieving. One even did the 11 plus for grammar entirely on his own- literally marked his own papers and figured out where to practise extra etc So what? All DCs are different. They were also really back chatty, argumentative and know it all from a youngish age with us parents telling us what to do!… 2 pretty much born to ace an Oxbridge interview.

1 DD did require some emotional support through GCSEs though- just wanted me to endlessly make her room nice, change sheets/lighting, nice food, cups of tea etc, every day comforts so she felt I was “involved” emotionally. And with 1 I had to really insist he takes a full one hour intense exercise break every day. Involvement does not just mean academic involvement. It is about supporting your child in whatever way they need. Some children require a ton of support to teach them how to learn/revise. Ideally they learn that by Year 10 but not all do.

The thing is though no matter how bright and independent she is it is highly likely that's she's been taught by unqualified or supply teachers in at least some subjects during the GCSE course who will have done their best but are no comparison to a good reliable permanent subject teacher.

Putting in the extra effort of supporting them, quizzing them on flash cards, going through past papers in peace at home on the exam board website and the mark scheme to find out how to answer the question even if they are secure in the content makes a big difference. They may not have time to do it at school as still trying to finish the content. Schools are still reeling from the impacts of COVID and the teacher retention crisis I would not be leaving them to it at such a critical stage. I wouldn't be forcing it either but there is a happy middle ground of support and guidance.

i work at my daughters school as an examination officer and i'm not remotely involved in her studies. she's a level now and never got involved in gcse either. she's old enough to manage it herself. this kind of parenting is setting the kids up for a huge fall.