To not be remotely involved in teen's gcse revision

[driedapricots101]

Just seen a post about ensuring this & that for language gcses.. tbh I didn't even understand it because whilst my teen sits theirs in may, I have not been remotely involved in their studies. They are bright & independent & I'm trusting they know what they need to do.. they tell me they do & mocks grades are all good.. im hoping other parents take a back seat at this stage too..some ive spoken to could probably sit the exams themselves so involved are they... or am i being a rubbish parent?!

I didn’t do a thing other than drive dc2 to an extra maths booster group she was invited to for 6 Saturdays in a row. We asked her to go to one to try it and she did but didn’t want to go again.
We offered a tutor for maths but she didn’t want one. She did pass maths in the end but it wasn’t a given however she had all but closed off to anything besides actually turning up to school and her exams and was mentally very unwell so we didn’t push it.
Dd1 had hers cancelled in 2020 so she didn’t even sit them, dd2 was the first year after Covid to sit them.
No idea about their college work just trusted they did it. They face the repurcussions from school if they didn’t do it therefore the onus was on them to do it.
I’d ask them if they had homework etc but I never knew if they did it or not.
DS is in year 7, I plan to have the same approach with him - let them get on with it but we’re here if they have questions.

My ExH had parents who weren't involved.

He had to drop one gcse because it turned out the teacher had not done enough coursework (nea) with them and he wasn't able to get the qualification without it. The whole class dropped that gcse.

For another gcse he had to do a load of work at very short notice after it turned out the teacher had taught the wrong option and it wasn't being examined that year.

Yes, it was a shit school,

I had disinterested parents who didn’t think they should care how I was doing at school, or think to help me with revision. It didn’t work out well for me, and did do damage to my relationship with them.

I support and guide my year 10 ds, he’s got year 10 mocks coming up soon. I’ve helped him draw up a revision schedule and remind him to go and revise. I give him the support I was never given. Couldn’t give a shit who judges me for that.

My son is in year 10 and has suspected ADHD (strong signs, waiting forever to be assessed) and he is like this. So, yeah, we do have to help him stay focused through revision.

There are many ways of showing support.
While we were always involved on the periphery of our children’s education, and it was unthinkable for us not to carry that through to exam prep, there are various ways of supporting them.
Spoil them a little with revision & exam food treat incentives.
May sure the house is calm, and that the tv/music/video game noise isn’t blaring out from anyone in the home not taking exams.
But I personally think knowing what exams your children are taking, on what dates, at what time, is the barest minimum. You should have plan B transport to school worked out. Thousands of pupils miss exams every year, and have no chance of knowing what would have been the result had they been there.

I think you've got it spot on for your child. Just because other parents are involved (rightly or wrongly) your child is self motivated and you can remain interested but uninvolved.
It is however different for other children.

I have a friend who is totally on the "it's their exams, if they fail, then it's their lesson to learn". Said child was self motivated, top set everything and ended up with mainly 8s. Easy to leave that kind of child to it.

My DC was predicted 4s and 5s and I did everything I could to ensure this happened. He wouldn't accept help from me as such, but I bought focused revision guides, suggested podcasts and generally kept an eye on how he was doing. Very glad of the 4s and 5s in the end.

The issue I would worry about for DC2 is that if you help them a lot through GCSEs they won't really be set up for self study at A Level. (My DC1 was clearly not going to be doing A Levels).

I barely under my kids’ homework. I do a bit of gentle nagging so they take ownership of the task themselves but leave them to do it generally.

I ask DD what revision she's planning on doing...I try not to nag!

She seems organised....write down a schedule in her whiteboard, uses a study app.

Her mock results were mixed but generally good, mainly 6s and 7s.

She's conscious of what she needs to achieve to get into her desired 6th form.

My eldest was a study machine, always super-motivated and achieved extremely highly in GCSEs, A levels and masters degree.

Middle child is the complete opposite when it comes to applying himself but did well in GCSEs...predicted BCC for A levels.
He experienced post-lockdown anxiety so I'm mindful of not being hard on him.

Above/mentioned DD is doing GCSEs this year and will be fine.

With each child I've stressed less 😂

You're not a rubbish parent, they need to learn to be independent at this stage with their studies, as it'll put them in good sted for work, A levels, uni. DD's teacher at primary once said to us, she knew we were supportive but appreciated us not being too involved as it helped her with the full picture of what DD could/couldn't do - she said it was obvious some parents had got too involved in research/craft projects and very hard to mark fairly.

I did volunteer to helps with testing when DD was studying, but she totally wanted to do if off her own back. She's applied for scholarship herself (admittedly we filled in financial forms), did her Personal Statement for uni which we only saw after submission, happily went off abroad at uni and sorts things out herself like lost passport abroad.

Wow…I didn’t know any schools did this (until recently, I was a foreign languages teacher). This surprises me. None of the 4 schools I taught in ever had pupils starting a new language in Y10–all GCSE pupils were required to have taken that particular language in Y7-9 before they were allowed on the course. One school I taught at had pupils choose their options in Y8, to start in Y9, but we were still teaching them the KS3 curriculum in Y9 and moved on to the GCSE curriculum at the start of Y10. There is a BIG jump in what’s required of the GCSE curriculum vs the KS3 curriculum. Are your daughter’s listening, reading and writing exams in Y9 too? Do they do any other non-language GCSE exams in Y9 at her school?

I would have laughed at my mum for trying to 'help' with my studies at 16. If you fuck it up it's your own fault. You can't force someone to study etc. plus why would the parent know the first thing about conversational Bulgarian or economics or whatever they are studying?
My mum was a teacher, she was too busy with her own students and rightly so.
Once you do higher level you have to be fully responsible for your learning. The teacher won't punish you, you just fail.

Different children need different levels of help. I helped my two who are both academic but naturally disorganised - one has ADHD. I helped them plan specific topics to revise, booted them out of the house for daily exercise, cooked nutritious food and asked loads of questions about subjects I didn't understand, as explaining to others is the best way to differentiate between familiarity (recognising revision topics when you see them) and recall (being able to access and use the material from memory with no prompts).

There are loads of midways between mollycoddling and neglect.

I'm feeling like the worst parent in the world. My ND DD shares nothing with me about her studies. She does little to nothing at home. I have no idea how to help.

There's lots of talk about revision timetables, testing, helping... I haven't got a clue where to start. How do you even draw up a revision timetable? School have been useless. The 'parent support' session was held during working hours so I couldn't go. I asked for the notes from the meeting 'there weren't any'.

For parents like me who didn't do well in school and had no one to guide me, how on earth do I support my child?

My DD will ask for help if she feels she needs it but otherwise gets quite annoyed if we try to get involved. She had a bit of a shock with her mocks they took at Christmas and didn't do well at all but this prompted really knuckle down and she's done really well this time.

I think they're all very different - DS will need all the help he can get as he seems incapable of concentrating on anything.

There’s definitely a difference between helping and supporting. Encouragement can be part of what’s needed. My DC has always been motivated but will sometimes ask for validation - ‘is 5 hours a day enough at this point?’ - or a cuppa.

Reading odd flash card or rehearsing an IRP speech is not a lot of input as such

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn find out from school which exam boards she's on, there are lots of very good resources on YouTube Sean from free science lessons has a bit of a cult following and his videos cover everything they need to know for AQA science, put them on the family TV and watch together, if that's her exam board, if not similar things will be available.

Use her revisions books and quiz her.
Look on the exam board website and find the relevant subject, past papers and the mark scheme will be on there along with the examiners report showing how the examined cohort answered questions and common misconceptions. - Going through past papers at this stage and focusing on what the question is actually asking is probably the most important thing to do right now, particularly with ND students who often answer the questions slightly wrong as they misunderstood what it asked even though they know the content.

Other than that focus on practical support, lower demands, favourite foods, ensuring some fresh air and physical activity happens

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn - make sure they attend any revision session school puts on.

Get revision guides and try and ensure they use them especially questions and exam question at end of chapters - point them towards BBC https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize and https://senecalearning.com/en-GB/ and ask them what they've done and are they on track.

She may be a self starter - and not need much input.

DD2 has welsh oral exam this week 25% of final mark- I've strongly encourage her to attend revision session put on - she was wavering about whether her friends would be there - and ask about revision and strongly encourage her not to leave it to last minute as she originally planned. I do think she could have done more - but more worried about some other subjects so saving any arguments for those.

Each to their own, I suppose. My dyslexic DD gets very anxious and looks like a rabbit in the headlights if left on her own with a book to revise. On the other hand she’s fully engaged and happy if we go on a walk and discuss Newton’s 3rd Law, or coastal erosion, or the theme of loneliness in Of Mice And Men. So we do what works for us, as I am sure is the same in every family, and don’t much care what others are doing.

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn there’s an excellent, mutually supportive Y11 thread in the Secondary Education topic which you might want to join.

How do you even draw up a revision timetable?

Never done one for me or got kids to do them just know when exams are and what needs to be covered before then and cracked on with an eye on time left.

From the age of 8 I was responsible for my own homework and later revision. Possibly earlier but this was when my parents were accused of doing my homework for me by my teacher and they told her they never see my homework.
I doubt they would have known what subject exam I had on what day. It wasn't so much that they were interested more that because it was something I just got on with they didn't need to exert energy on it. They were the same with my sisters too. We are all very independent and self motivated people. It would have been different if we hadn't....or maybe if we had different parents we would have needed to be independent and self motivated!

I guess as you say yourself they are bright and motivated. So I can see it would be ok to leave them to it.

My daughter is an incredibly hard worker but struggles with a fair few subjects and always has. Being a hard worker with exemplary behaviour means she's fallen through the cracks and has had no additional help from school.

So yes, I'm working hard to help her revise and keep her motivated as her head has been dropping a lot since November mocks. Because even if you start out motivated, if it's all an uphill struggle for ts very easy to become "what's the point?".

It's a bit of an emotional roller coaster tbh. I have moments when I'm very jealous of parents with clever and motivated kids. Can't wait for results day

My DC wouldn't even let me get involved

My DD did ask for a maths tutor though so I found one for her and she passed so all good there

Exactly this.
I always said to my DC that if help was needed then the teacher was the first port of call, however if there was anything I could help with at home then it was good to ask - as it is I helped with the odd thing (eg helping reinforcing some concepts in a subject I have a degree in). We did have chats about study techniques, making sure that DC was using what worked for them (in our case, more active learning as opposed to just 'reading over').
Too much parental involvement or too little parental involvement can both have detrimental effects.

Bless you, this is really hard.
I assume your child is secondary age, is she doing GCSEs this year?

If you start your own thread in secondary education there are loads of kind posters who will help you.

My eldest didn't need any extra help from me doing the actual revision or planning her revision timetable, but I knew exactly what exams she was sitting, had read the syllabus and ensured that she had all the revision guides and equipment she required. I had also spent time in the years leading up to her GCSEs teaching her how to build a revision timetable and helping her learn how she learns best to get the most out of her revision. She is also dyslexic and I did have a lot of input directly with the school to ensure she had all the Senco support she needed and making sure she had all the extra time she was entitled to with her exams. She needs almost no extra support from me at 6th form now, but I do still check in with her frequently to let her know I'm here if she needs me.

With my second he will be a different story. He's not as emotionally intelligent, despite being more academically gifted. He will probably need more input with helping build a revision schedule, maybe need me to physically be there in the room so that he can study and keep focused. He will probably need more structure around his revision than DD1 required. Again we've started having these conversations for about a year now, he is coming to the end of Year 8 at present.

DD2 is only in reception, so will have a good picture of what she will need when she gets to GCSE stage.

In my opinion you have to be aware of what they're studying and why. Aware of what is required for the exams and be mindful of who your child is and support them in the way the need and want. I have friends who couldn't tell you what their children had picked as options, let alone what they actually needed to do to get the results they wanted. Some of those kids were ok, some didn't get anywhere near the grades they wanted. It was a very big wake up call for those families and I do feel sorry for the children who are now having to do extra to catch up in 6th form.