To be expected to run around after another's child?

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

Hi, my child has specialist sports coaching outside of school. One of his frenemies parents discovered this and has decided their child should do it too as their child was upset mine got a place on the sports team. They felt if their child had coaching in this particular sports position, their child only needs to compete with mine for a position on the school team. Every Thursday evening, my child goes to this coaching as does her frenemy who is really only doing it because her mother is pushing her to do it - she even said "if you train in a special position you'll be more likely picked ".

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back. This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking. How do I get to be there, watch and collect my child after having declined to drop off, watch and collect hers every week? She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going but her career is very important. I want to say "so you're competing with my child as everything mine does yours has to have with a cherry on top. In the process you expect me to enable this by taking/watching/dropping off yours?" Aibu? How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid when I have to see her at school and my child is on off friends with hers?

@Concannon88 yes I am peeved. I put my child in this to 1) help her make friends outside of school. This was because this other girl has always suckered my child in and then stamps on her. I wanted her to do something just for her. 2)My child got picked for the school team, hers didn't and her daughter felt very angry mine got picked for a regatta. The mother then discovered via another parent mine was picked as they have coaching from an ex pro at a club. When the mother discovered this she even said "well my daughter only needs to be better than hers". It's the intent just to outdo my child that upset me and then she has tge audacity to expect me to facilitate it! Her daughter is very much the class queen bee. I'm worried if I upset the other child the backlash on mine will happen. So yes, I am peeved. It was to build my daughters confidence because it has been chipped away by her child. She will make it work as her desperation for her child to outdo mine is really what grates me most tbh.

You need to make it clear to the parent and the coach that you will not be taking any responsibility for this child. Chances are high the coach will understand.

The coach certainly will understand the position very clearly. They will have a child protection / safeguarding policy to follow, and they shouldn't be allowing the child to be taken away at the end of training by an unauthorised person. Therefore it appears that this CF parent has authorised you as her responsible adult, and that you have agreed to it.

Tell the coach that you will not be giving lifts to this child. Un-authorise yourself.

What advice would you give your daughter in this position

How far away is the activity? If you got a message to collect her at the beginning of the activity, would you have time to take the other child home straight away & then get back for your dd? Using the excuse that you have another appt to go to after the session. I doubt she’d ask you again if it meant her daughter missing the training.

Alternatively, could you have a word with the coach and tell them that you will not be taking the child again, so if it happens in future she will be their responsibility until the parents turn up?

@Finewine76 interesting thought. It's the backlash from her queen bee daughter (she's also alpha mum) at school

Hi Jennifer,
I wanted to let you know that I can not take or collect Nancy to training. Please make other travel arrangements for her. Thank you for understanding.

If there is follow up, keep it brief. It doesn't suit my other arrangements etc.
And if pushed I would tell her straight that the girls don't get on and you are not responsible for her scheduling issues.
Turn off your phone during the training sessions if nec to avoid a last minute emergency.
She's a cf of the highest order

This is silly. Tell the mum you will not be driving 4 miles out of the way any more and to stop being so cheeky expecting you to do all the running around whilst she does nothing.

Tell her you will not be taking her dd there and back. Tell the dd the same. Tell the coach that you are not providing lifts as it's totally one sided, expected, inconvenient and rude. Block her. Then leave the girl if it's foisted on you again. You will have warmed everyone that you ate fed up of being taken for a mug and it's not even on your way home. If you keep doing it you will have to keep doing it. Lead her once and she will never do it again.

This woman is relying on you being a doormat and the dd is going to have your dds place on the rowing team if you keep letting her walk all over you.

How old are the kids? If primary school aged, there must be an adult home when you drop them off? If older, can’t they make their own way?
CF, just say no sorry, can’t tonight. Do not explain. If the coach asks, same answer. Leave it to mum to sort out (hopefully be told off or fined) with the coach.

Her daughter is very much the class queen bee. I'm worried if I upset the other child the backlash on mine will happen.

There won’t be backlash, they can manage their activity themselves. You need to be the adult here for your dd’s sake.

Why you dropping collecting child...just say no or better still block parent...not your problem

There is an adult at home. Her. Working late and looking after her other children.

I think you are both being unreasonable here.

YABU by interpreting competitiveness to get on the team as spite. It's normal for people of any age to compete for places on teams and get extra coaching to facilitate this.

She is BU by expecting you to ferry her child around. YABU for doing this when you resent it and it isn't a good arrangement for your DC.

Text her and say you are ending the lifts because the two children aren't that close anymore.

This is crazy. You not only are not friends but actively dislike this woman. You do not owe her anything and have not agreed or offered to help. Just don't do it.

I’d definitely make up an excuse as to why you can’t take or watch her child.

If this persists I would find another coach and go there instead. I think I would probably alert the school that this child was behaving badly towards your dd and I would also explain about this parents’ behaviour which is now becoming a problem outside of school but because of the team etc.

The other mum sounds batshit mad.

The- tell the coach you won’t be giving the child lifts anymore and they should probably warn the mum in advance that they need to get their own child, or create a new, substantial late collection fee.

Tbh I'd move your child to another coach or arrange coaching on another day with coach....and don't tell cf.

@Somepeoplearesnippy it is being competitive but in a nasty way. 5 years of their daughter having to constantly outdo mine. Every thing. This girl told me she doesn't even like going, she says it's boring but her mum says it'll look good in a university application! They've not even sat GCSE!

Just send her a message saying that it doesn't suit you to be doing lifts and you'll both need to make your own way. What are you so afraid of?

Just say no. To the mum or, if asked by the coach again, to the coach. You won't be abandoning the child there - her mother is doing that.

I might collect the child rather than leave her there alone, though it's cheeky AF.

I certainly wouldn't be dropping her home. The mum could collect from mine.

It's not Op that would be leaving the child there, it would be her parent.

'Hi CF, I won't be able to drop off or collect ( insert name of child ) anymore to

Sorry sent too soon!

'Hi CF, I won't be able to drop off or collect your child from the activity from next week due to other commitments'

Done. No explanation needed. You don't owe her anything.

If the coach asks you then you simply say it hasn't been agreed and unfortunately you can't facilitate. Their problem, not yours.

You wouldn't be 'abandoning' her, the other mother is by not having arrangements in place for collecting her. If you don't fall in with this blackmail the coach will soon put her right, she has no right to involve the coach.