To be expected to run around after another's child?

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

Hi, my child has specialist sports coaching outside of school. One of his frenemies parents discovered this and has decided their child should do it too as their child was upset mine got a place on the sports team. They felt if their child had coaching in this particular sports position, their child only needs to compete with mine for a position on the school team. Every Thursday evening, my child goes to this coaching as does her frenemy who is really only doing it because her mother is pushing her to do it - she even said "if you train in a special position you'll be more likely picked ".

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back. This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking. How do I get to be there, watch and collect my child after having declined to drop off, watch and collect hers every week? She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going but her career is very important. I want to say "so you're competing with my child as everything mine does yours has to have with a cherry on top. In the process you expect me to enable this by taking/watching/dropping off yours?" Aibu? How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid when I have to see her at school and my child is on off friends with hers?

@Wooloohooloo no, coxing

You're getting a lot of slack for being caught on the back foot and not wanting to abandon a child, but agree with this. Do it and then stick to it.

You've never encountered anyone like the CF here have you?
She would be delighted to have the extra time.

But more importantly than that...are you really suggesting that OP take a needless long trawl around Tesco (and more than once) to obliquely solve this?
Extra time in the supermarket?
What?

You say no. Do not explain or make up excuses. Tell the organisers that you are not responsible for this other child and that if the Mum asks then to get you to take the child home, that the answer will be no.

Think about the message your daughter is getting. Someone can be mean to you and you still do nice things for them.

Fuck that.

Next time you see her say "what time will you be picking Tim up? I think it's your turn"

She thinks her time is more important than yours OP

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them.

How did this obnoxious woman even get your phone number? just block the CF.

The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position.

So stop enabling her!

now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back.

No you don't.

This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking.

This should be the main reason for you to stop this nonsense. Stop inflicting this insufferable child onto your poor daughter. Like PP said what if this continues and your daughter loses her place in the team to mini CF because you keep facilitating her attendance at the special coaching?

Show your daughter how to stand up for yourself and not be taken advantage of.

You can do it. @Blondeandbeautifullol Good luck.

Your excuse could be something like drumming or violin lessons: "DD practises all the time at home, we are hoping she'll be picked for the orchestra" and hope they copy that.

Maybe bagpipes?

Of course you can. You just message back - Sorry, no can do. You’ll have to find someone else.

And you say the same to the coach - Sorry, I can’t take her today.

And then you leave it up to them to sort out because it is nothing to do with you.

Once could have been an emergency, four times has shown both you and the coach that there is no emergency, just calculated cheekyfuckery. Should be easy to tell the coach that they must not involve you in future.

I had a similar frenemy at junior school (disagree with pp who objects to this word - sometimes enforced socialising with another child creates exactly that dynamic) - everything was a competition with her mum. She loved it when her DD was better than me (a lot) and used to ask my mum what she was getting me for my (January) birthday, then buy it for hers for Christmas, so she had it first (happened twice before we twigged and stopped telling her). Luckily it was a tortoise and hare situation and I came out doing far better in the end.

Just say you’re going on somewhere afterwards and coming straight from somewhere else.

I thought it might be rowing related.
My brother used to coach for the kids section of our rowing club and my god some of the parents were awful. Lots of bratty entitlement but some just plain rude or CF parents. I helped organise and prepare things for the fundraisers sometimes and during one these a parent breezily told me I'd need to drop their little darling home as she had more important plans, she didn't even ask and was of course offended when I told her that I wouldn't be doing any such thing.
You need to make it clear to the parent and the coach that you will not be taking any responsibility for this child. Chances are high the coach will understand.

If CF falls out with you, what have you actually lost?

Someone who says "my career is v important so I cant collect DC, you'll just need to do it" isnt someone you want in your life.

Say clearly "I want to let you know that I wont be able to give CF DC a lift or wait with her anymore. Best wishes OP". If she asks why, tell her "We're really busy with other things" or "I dont want to be going out of my way, particularly as its been every week, always at the last minute, never reciprocated, and DC dont seem to be get on so well anyway".

I voted YABU because you are not putting your own child first. She's not nice to your child but you keep letting her in the car. I was a people pleaser until realisation hit me over the head. That mother doesn't give a damn about you or your child. She would climb on both of your shoulders to get her child ahead of yours. Take a leaf our of her book and put you and yours first. Next time she messages to ask you to collect just say "No it doesn't suit me and it won't suit going forward". Do not say sorry. You have no need to be sorry you do not owe her anything. As a reformed people pleaser I know its difficult but it is so satisfying. Prepare your dd to have her answers ready in school. Hope your dd continues to enjoy her sport

You seem really peeved that another child is doing the same thing as your child. You know you didn't invent it right? You're big enough on here with your opinion, just say that to her face and job done.

Why do people almost always suggest making up some excuse when in reality saying No suffices?

To be honest I feel embarrassed for you! How on Earth can you let this happen to your child?!?!?

Tell her where to go! If she messages the coach then tell the coach no can do, the coach won't let her kid attend ever again, job done!

FFS woman up and advocate for your child.

Just text her and say you will no longer be able to help.

now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back

No you don't....

'really sorry, I have to dash tonight so I can't drop off/wait/drop off, hope you get sorted'

Yes you can leave the child there as she isn't your responsibility. Grow a backbone.

I would leave the child there is it wasn’t pre arranged that I was picking her up. It’s not your issue it will be the parent and the coach to sort out. Just say that you are not going straight home afterwards so can’t take her. She’s what we call a pushy sports mum, her kid probably has no talent but will progress is said sport due to the pushiness of her mum. Don’t let that happen at the detriment to your kid.

Crikey just don't do it .say no value your child

now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back
No you don't.

I obviously can't abandon a child there.
Yes you can. It's not your child, you don't bear any responsibility here. You say no/it's not convenient/you're going elsewhere if you need to. But you say NO.

Op
A nice breezy text to say to her just to let know we have bother commitment now on Wednesday night straight after class so won't be able to bring x home . Just wanted to give you plenty of time to organise yourself