To be expected to run around after another's child?

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

Hi, my child has specialist sports coaching outside of school. One of his frenemies parents discovered this and has decided their child should do it too as their child was upset mine got a place on the sports team. They felt if their child had coaching in this particular sports position, their child only needs to compete with mine for a position on the school team. Every Thursday evening, my child goes to this coaching as does her frenemy who is really only doing it because her mother is pushing her to do it - she even said "if you train in a special position you'll be more likely picked ".

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back. This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking. How do I get to be there, watch and collect my child after having declined to drop off, watch and collect hers every week? She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going but her career is very important. I want to say "so you're competing with my child as everything mine does yours has to have with a cherry on top. In the process you expect me to enable this by taking/watching/dropping off yours?" Aibu? How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid when I have to see her at school and my child is on off friends with hers?

It is all very sad yes, but as the mum of your DC it’s up to you to sort it out. Message alpha mum and say you can’t take or bring her DC back anymore and not to send her if she’s unable to collect her in future as you can’t do it

I've said YABU as I can't see why you're involved at all? Just don't take them there or back? Invent errands if needed...

You just say no. That doesn't work for you.

You're not abandoning a child at the club. Her mother is.

No. If the coach asks you then say it to them too. No, that doesn't work for you. She'll have to sort something herself.

Stop pleasing other people at your DD's expense.

@Blondeandbeautifullol

I'm not going to repeat the advice to 'just say no'. Oops, I did repeat it!

But having a quiet word with the coach either before or after saying "Coach, I just wanted to let you know that I will no longer be facilitating transporting 'Sissy' to and fro, nor will I be staying late with her if her mum doesn't show. I've told her mother but if she contacts you to ask me just be aware that the answer will be no".

I have a feeling that if Coach is stuck waiting for 'Sissy's' mum or is asked to personally transport her, Coach will be dropping 'Sissy' from the class. That would be a 'result' for you AND for her if she really doesn't want to attend.

Jesus- grow a pair. Spell it out in small words to the coach. Let them know you are fed up with being saddled with frenemy and you will not be ubering kid in either direction. They are not your child’s friend at school and mum is playing games. If mum messages coach then coach is to reply that they are to collect child themself or they will report to SS.

If you were friends with the mum, or the girls were good friends, I'd be suggesting a week each, or you drop off and she picks up or vice versa (which is what we do for Scouts - parents and kids both good friends).

But for a parent you don't know well and kids who don't get on? Fuck that! Just say no, it's not convenient.

It’s bad enough if being abit wet and a people pleaser prejudices you but when it negatively affects your child you need to change sorry.

Grow up.

Don't whinge on here. Tell HER it's not covienient for you to do this.

WHY are you helping HER child gain one over on your child. Grow a backbone. Your poor child has to watch you being told what to do by this parent, how can she respect you for that! Gobsmacking how ridiculous this is. Sort it out.

I’m sorry but why did you even facilitate this a first time?

Yep I voted yanu because op allows this farce to go on. If only op put her child first 😂 batshit to run around for non friend to help non friend beat own child to place on team 😂

If you are upset then stop facilitating it. Will you be happy when said child pushes yours out of team. Surely no one is this wimpy. You don't work for her do you?

😂pick mine up as well on the way back, grab my shopping and I've a floor that needs scrubbing since you have nothing better to do, what's your number? I'll WhatsApp instructions to you

Sorry everyone is piling on you as if they had never erred before in handling a delicate issue. I assume she originally asked if you could run daughter her child home today, as in, not permanently, so you said yes, thinking it would be that one time. Now the woman has gone way beyond. So now you just say "I cant take Annabelle to and from practice. You will have to make other arrangements." via text. And do not engage beyond that. I have been in a similar situation and wile I felt tremendously awkward saying "No" she moved on to another sucker to drive her kid and I never had to deal with her again.

I'd be leaving her with the coach.

"sorry don't know where her mom is, sometimes she texts me but I don't have me phone charged so don't know and we're going to grans so it's a completely different direction."

The coach will be very quick to tell the mom off I would hope.

Hi OP, it's excruciating when these things happen.

Just remember that if she has the brass neck to ask this of you, you are entitled to have the brass neck to say 'no, can't do it'

I would just say "Just wanted to let you know that it really is not possible for me to take on drop offs or pick ups for XXXX at SportClub. It is an 8 mile round trip out of my way and I simply can't fit it into my other after school commitments. Letting you knw so that you can make arrangements from now on. Cheers, OP"

The fact that these type of questions even exist on mumsnet makes me think I’m living in a different world to you all. Either that or I’m too blunt or you all are too nice.

I mean, why is this even a situation. I wouldn’t drive out of my way for a frenemy even once, why are you doing it on a regular basis. I would wait with a lone child once or twice but third time I’d say no sorry I can’t I have things to do bye bye, come and clear your child.

I mean this in the kindest possible way OP, but don’t make life harder than it needs to be.

This is the moment for your inner Phoebe

I've voted YABU purely because you're running around after the other child. I cannot for the life of me understand why you are helping them. Stop letting them walk all over you.

’Hi x I’m sorry but I cannot pick up/drop off/wait with your child. We’re quite busy and I haven’t got time. Hope you find another solution.’

I really struggle to understand why you cannot say No. Just do it.

She calls the coach to get him to ask you to take kid home? Cheeky cow

no sorry coach I am unable to drop off due to other commitments.

no sorry cheeky cow mother I am unable to take or drop home your child due to other commitments.

rinse and repeat every time.

I get that @Blondeandbeautifullol is concerned about repercussions from the frenemy at school, so the suggestion to prime the coach and the school before she tells the CF parent that lifts will no longer be offered is a good one.

This.

Most people will be pleasant and helpful when they can - and sometimes it leads to them being ut upon.

None of us wants to cause unnecessary bad feeling OP, but you really need to stick up for yourself now.

No lies, excuses or prevarications - just send on of the suggested responses saying you won't be doing it again and block her.

This.
What an example of CF ery.
If the Mum is working from home with her other kids, there is nothing stopping her from getting in the car and collecting herself.

If she'd asked you in advance, you could have said no, but she just dumped it on you hoping to establish a pattern so that each subsequent time, it became harder to say no when you'd already proved it was possible by doing it the first time. (Not blaming you, she did this on purpose)

She's a bully. Stand up to her and brave the consequences. How many people will be that interested in hearing her moaning about it, you are probably not the only person she's manipulated like this.

And one more thing. Definitely stop talking about this at school. Don't talk about what your DD is doing after school or let people know your schedule/plans. It was another parent who told her about the coach in the first place. It sounds like you have the kind of school where a lot of this backchat goes on, so step outside of that and keep schtum, and queen bee will have less effect on you. She is the kind of person that you should just smile and wave at, but dont get too involved with. It's a great idea to give your DD chances to make friends outside of school.

You are enabling her daughter's behaviour towards your daughter by enabling her mother's behaviour towards you. You need to stand up to the mum and intern your daughter will learn to stand up to people that take advantage of her.