To be expected to run around after another's child?

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

Hi, my child has specialist sports coaching outside of school. One of his frenemies parents discovered this and has decided their child should do it too as their child was upset mine got a place on the sports team. They felt if their child had coaching in this particular sports position, their child only needs to compete with mine for a position on the school team. Every Thursday evening, my child goes to this coaching as does her frenemy who is really only doing it because her mother is pushing her to do it - she even said "if you train in a special position you'll be more likely picked ".

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back. This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking. How do I get to be there, watch and collect my child after having declined to drop off, watch and collect hers every week? She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going but her career is very important. I want to say "so you're competing with my child as everything mine does yours has to have with a cherry on top. In the process you expect me to enable this by taking/watching/dropping off yours?" Aibu? How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid when I have to see her at school and my child is on off friends with hers?

don't be so nasty!!

I have quality time in the car with DH and/or DC. We do not always stop for a McFlurry. 😂

Actually, I have joked about driving home from work or an appointment and staying in the car in the garage for some quality/quiet time. (I have a toddler, my bar for quality personal time is very low).

I can’t, I’ve got other things to do. On repeat. Until she accepts it and stops asking. The entitlement of some people knows no bounds, so you have to be the one to put in the boundaries.

@ironorchids my poor naieve little girl thinks it's reinforcing their friendship and by spending time that she might be nice to her. The frenemy is utterly charming to my daughter there and in the car. It's when she casts her off or excludes her at school and then reels her in. My daughter is so sweet and naieve and thinks this girl is her friend. It's so sad.

I don't understand why everyone is advising OP to lie.

OP advocate for your child, do it like it's your job.

Tell this CF that you can't do it anymore because you don't want to.

If she asks for reasons, use the distance (extra 4 miles) and the fact that her child is often mean to yours. She can't argue with that.

I voted YABU because you do NOT have to do anything for that person nor their child. Why you do is a mystery that only you can solve.

Unless she is holding a member of your family as a hostage i their basement, you are allowed to say, "No, that does not work for me or my DD." Nothing further, no reason, no excuse. Just "No".

I promise, it's allowed!

Think people are being really hard on this poor woman. If she did a right out F@ck off and sort your own child you silly bit@h then it could have repercussions on her poor child at school. This woman would tell town and country how mean she was. I would manage this with you permanently going somewhere else after and can’t take her child home. End of and no offence caused. Unfortunately life is politics people. When my kids were this age I kept their friends close and their enemies closer 😝

YABU for putting up with this bullshit. You simply say, No - that doesn’t work for me, you need to be responsible for sorting your own child out.

I would manage this with you permanently going somewhere else after and can’t take her child home.

Oh for fuck's sake, this is just about the most absurd thing I've ever read. Yes, op, be a bloody milquetoast for the rest of your life. Permanently do something you don't want to do to avoid something else you don't want to do in order to keep some cheeky bitch at bay. You actually can be assertive without being aggressive, you know.

Fucking hell, I despair.

You could always tell CF that this is your special time with your daughter when you chat about things and you treasure it, so you want to keep it the two of you.

You could always say we want to keep arrangements fluid as we often go out for something to eat before/after rowing.

Your daughter will know this child is competing for HER place. If the frenemy gets it, her whole life your daughter will wonder why you favoured another woman’s child.

if you are worried about repercussions for your daughter just visit a relative on the way home - or a deceased’s grave- tell the other mother you need to visit family so can’t look after hers any more. And, oh yeah- the carers important to her- sorry that’s patronising, is she the only one whose career is important. Just tell her you understand and respect her choices but for you family is more important. And prove it by putting your daughter first

Just block her, and if the coach asks just say ‘No, I’m not going that way’ - and that’s the truth. It’s not your responsibility, it’s the parents’ job to make sure she gets home, and she will not be left stranded - between the parents and the coach she’ll get home. If they want to ask via the coach then you just respond via the coach. Not your circus, not your monkeys - detach detach detach.

You're being ridiculous. "Sorry, I can't take her." Then let the coach manage mum being a no-show.

You say no.

Let the coach sort it out if no one turns up, her kid is not your responsibility 🤷‍♀️

You are crazy to enable this sort of behaviour.

No it's the time to talk to your daughter about friendships and what makes a good friend. You don't need to mention this girl at all but discuss with her what she would want in a friend. do you know any people who have really good friendships that you can talk about with her?

Just tell her 'sorry we have commitments/plans after so we're time restricted. I cant wait with your child/drop them off. Sorry.'

You let her do this once, so now she's running with it and you're allowing her to.

go the family emergency route, so no you can’t stay and you can’t drive her. Or, if she is contacting coach and the coach asks you tell her you can’t due to family emergency and leave. Coach HAS to take responsibility for child if no one collects her, just make sure you are away before coach. Coach will phone social services and believe me that mother will be on time after that. And if social services ask you later on to support family say no, you have other things planned.
i worked in a school where the head teacher would phone social services if child left too long, believe me the serially late parents were surprisingly punctual after that

When the coach asks- too say no. They have the responsibility to ensure the child is safe and picked up- you don't. A simple no, that doesn't work for us, is all that's needed.

If just saying "no, that won't work for me" is fraught with problems, make a plan to stop after every single time to get/do something. Then, you won't be able to do any dropping off, because you'll already be busy.

I understand it is hard to do, but it's not because the woman cannot p/u her kid. She is just getting someone else (you) to be her free taxi service.

OP
She can't pick up her child?
So she shouldn't send her
You have to risk being called selfish or spiteful but so what?
I'd rather leave the whole club myself than put up with that level of sh*t
Just no
Make her leave instead

Ffs. Here’s how to do it:

Her: “hi can you bring Lucy home please”
You: “No sorry”
Her: “why”
You: * silence *
Coach: “Mrs Pushymum says can you take Lucy home please”
You: “No sorry”

Or if you’re feeling especially wet, say “no sorry, going straight to grandma’s/ dentist/ family meal/ car is full of rubbish for the tip/ another ridiculous excuse”

"The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine"

That is not a fact. That is just something that you have decided to believe is true. You don't really know that for sure.

One or both of you is acting like you are in an American high school movie. I couldn't say which it is without hearing the other side. Frenemies? Really? One or both of you needs to grow up.

This.

What 'itsjustbiology' said above.

Unless of course you have not been completely transparent with us - which does make the most sense to me?

Your DD's frenemy's CF mother, is really your sister isn't she? That is the only reason that I can think of for her to feel entitled to be such a CF in the first place!

Sorry @Blondeandbeautifullol, I wouldn't normally respond to an OP without having read all of the OP's posts on a thread that they had iniciated, but I got carried away with excitement that I had "cracked" this one! I will now go back and try to calmly read at least all of your posts. Please accept these as a token of my apology 💐

You're not the one abandoning the child, she is. Just tell her or the coach that unfortunately you have an unbreakable arrangement immediately afterwards that you can't take the child to, what a shame, perhaps she could ask someone else.