To never contribute £ to a person leaving work collection ever again?

[pawpawgingins]

Manager announced that the colleague is leaving and as usual, a card and collection.
I contribute £10 and wrote a lovely message.

I always contribute and always the same $ regardless of who it is UNLESS I had no interactions with the leaver at all which is rare.

< In my last job I used to do the ssme but used to do £5 since I earned a lot less (once the secretary told me that I was too generous because someone on 3x my wage gives only £3) but anyway…>

So I contributed £10 plus drinks at the pub. All good.

After 4 weeks of working somewhere else, colleague decides they don’t like their new job and asks the boss to come back. Since the position was still vacant with everybody else (includinv me) picking up the slack, colleague walks back as if they never left.

I mean, I know colleague shouldnt give anyone’s money back of course and it is not the future leavers fault and they shouldn’t be penalised but I’m massively put off now.

But having said that, when I left my last job, I did have some lovely gifts and a gift card which is no nice but I’m now thinking this culture should end.

Will feel super bad if I don’t contribute moving forward though, it is such a habit.

I'd be annoyed too OP.....but I can't imagine this happens v often

I'd say ...don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.......ie don't let your judgement be clouded by a one off incident

I couldn't get worked up about this tbh.

I organise collections for various reasons and plenty don’t contribute anything. Ours is anonymous.

For me, I put in if I know and like them and how much depends on both those factors.

I don’t think that gifts should be returned though, they weren’t going through leaving and coming back for the gifts!

£10 is very generous, unless you're a very high earner I'd go for £5 and then it won't be quite so annoying if this happened against

I don't know what the expected procedure is here, it does seem cheeky to keep it especially if it was a large sum

Should she have stayed in a job she hated just so that you didn’t feel put out?

I just feel like I paid £10 for the privilege of working extra hard for a month lol

If this is happening regularly where you work, I can understand not doing leaving gifts. If it's a one-off, you should take it as one of those things rather than letting it set a mould for everyone who leaves in the future.

Put yourself in the shoes of the returner - whatever front they are putting on, they must feel a bit embarrassed having left with a fanfare and then having to walk back in.

I assume that this was a one-off event? If so it really wouldn't bother me.

If you were to say this was the 2nd, 3rd or more time that one of your colleagues have done this OP then I would say YANBU, but that doesn't sound like that is the case.

The amount you give to leaver's fund is immaterial.

Crossposted with @SevenSeasOfRhye

Honestly, I think you're being ridiculous.

It's entirely up to you as to whether you contribute to any gifts going forward, but don't make this the excuse for stopping.

One if my jobs it was very common to 'leave' then come back a week later to freelance.
This can't happen often, so no eiuifnt bother me.
What I think is silly (and didn't happen when I was working), is the endless rounds of contributions to things like weddings, baby showers, etc etc that posters complain about. Though I remember parents coming round and assuming you'd automatically sponsor their kid in whatever money raising charity event their school put on - even parents I barely knew.

You should only pay the amount you're happy with. Clearly you're not happy paying £10, so stop doing that. You've already been told by others that it's too much, so take their advice and reduce the amount. The only person you should direct your resentment towards is yourself. This person didn't force you to contribute at all, and especially not the high amount.

It is very difficult to be on the receiving end as well. I left a job having been made redundant. When asked what I wanted as a leaving gift I said I didnt want anything, I wasnt happy about the redundancy (forced out because my face didnt fit) but equally I had a substantial redundancy payout.

In the end I said something along the lines of 'Just buy me a sodding goat'. They actually gave me three teachers (Oxfam gifts). I was actually very happy with that.

Mind, I'm still waiting on their ofsted reports!

It is very unusual for someone to leave and come back. I suspect the collegue feels a bit awkward about it too.

For me it is two seperate things I would be happy to contribute to collegue leaving. And pleased to get a fully trained person back after a month of covering. I wouldnt contribute to a leaving gift for this person if they leave again in the next 3 years.

Why don't you leave and come back after a month? It will even up then 😀

Come on! This is on the company, not the person who left. You need to let your resentment go or move on yourself as it's directed at the wrong person.

That happened at a job I did about twenty years ago. Our supervisor (let's call her Michelle) was leaving and we were all very heavily encouraged to "be generous" for 'Michelle' because she was "the heart of our workplace". She wasn't. She was actually awful to work with but that's a tale for another time. Anyway we all contributed heavily (keep in mind I was very young at the time and hadn't yet learned to say no firmly) So 'Michelle' has a massive leaving do, proper big sit down meal followed by drinks and a huge party then two other nights out all paid for by us. That's on top of the very expensive jewellery, wine, clothing, chocolates, handbag and purse we had got her... She spends most of those nights slagging us all off to our faces of course. Less than a month later she returns and of course everyone acts like nothing happened! I felt similarly to you OP. But I learned my lesson to be a little more firm about not getting caught up in the giving culture, I still give a little something just not the silly amounts 'Michelle' got. Can laugh about it now cos it was ridiculous really but as another poster said, the leaver is likely putting on a brave face and actually fairly embarrassed underneath.

If you regularly have leavers, cut your contributions to £5. I work in a small office and so tend to give £10, but that's because it's once a year max.

We sometimes have people leave and then stay on as freelancers. Doesn't bother me. We even have people leave, update their training and come back years later to a more senior position.
I only contribute towards people I routinely work with.

Years (and years) ago in my first job, one of the junior members of the team turned 18 so we had a collection.
2 years later, she got engaged so another collection.
Turned 21, had another collection.
Wedding looming, yet another collection.
He left her when she was out on her hen do.
Another collection was suggested “to help her get back on her feet”! I declined to donate at that point and oh boy did I get some stick!

There's a collection nearly every month in my place. I contribute £5 to the collections of the people I like. If it's someone on my team I'll contribute £10. I don't give to every collection. For example this month there's a collection for a member of staff who is moving from one team to another one (social work). She's literally moving desks. I've decided I won't contribute to that collection.

I think £10 is too much unless it's a very small team/ very close colleague, but a colleague deciding to come back in a way that suits everyone, isn't something to get upset about IMO.

I am definitely in the club of adjusting the contribution dependent on how much I like the person / closely I work with them. We are a big organisation and generally friendly / supportive colleagues. Most people get huge collections but it's always awkward when you can tell everyone is reluctant to contribute. The worst case was a senior manager where they couldn't even persuade people to sign the card so they had to just put in a really generic 'all the best for the future from the team' message 😬

What an odd over reaction!
If this happened 3x in a row, maybe… but it’s happened once, out of all these many times you’ve donated?
I don’t agree with collections in the workplace at all, it’s too much pressure when not all can afford it.
But it seems like a pretty unusual one off!
I think it would be nice if the returners bought a round of drinks for the team - but I wouldn’t expect it, as they didn’t know they were coming back and if they already spent the money, that round of drinks might be expensive for them!
Providing welcome back cakes might be a nice gesture.

You’re being silly about the person who came back. It’s not like they planned it. I know loads of people who have gone back to workplaces.

I do think you’re overly generous though and can see why that annoys you. Personally I think it should be on the employer to stump up for a gift, not the employees!

I know someone whose colleagues arranged a party in the office with gifts and cards and drinks for their leaving do.

It was a bit awkward as they'd just been told their contract had been extended.